Be Very Mindful of How You Speak to Your Children – Part 2

This blog post is part 2 of how we as parents should speak to our children. Part 1 can be found here. I love what this quote from Brooke Hampton says as to how we should speak to them – “as if they are the wisest, kindest, most beautiful and magical humans on earth ….”  And then, based on what we say to them, their belief system in themselves is being created: “what they believe is what they will become.”

Proverbs 23:7 says that “for as he thinks in his heart, so is he.”  A child often believes or thinks what he has been told, whether it is the truth or not.

As parents, we develop in our children what they will think about themselves.  If we notice and react to our children’s faults right away and then criticize or punish them, we are developing in our children the tendency to be critical about themselves.  Make a commitment to change that.  Actively look for what your children are doing right each day and praise them for it.  When the time comes that you will have to deal with something that they did that was unacceptable, the positive words will outweigh the negative ones.

When you are speaking words of kindness, encouragement, and love, make a point of stopping what you are doing and focus on them.  Have them stop what they are doing too.  Get their attention.  After speaking these words, observe what happens to their demeanor.  They will light up!  It’s as if the most important person in the world (well you are to them) truly believed in them. What could be more important?

Ask yourselves: aren’t your children, in fact, the wisest, kindest, most beautiful and magical humans on earth to you?The answer is clearly “yes”.So let’s speak to them as they deserve to be spoken to!

Be Very Mindful of How You Speak to Your Children – Part 1

I have always profoundly believed that we parents form the foundation for the way our children view the world and themselves.  Proverbs 18:21 says that the tongue has the power of life and death.  When you speak to your children and about your children, what do you say?

The quote for today’s blog from Peggy O’Mara rings so true to me.  The way we talk to our children does, in fact, become their inner voice.  How else can children know how others view or describe them except by hearing it first from their parents. 

From my own personal experiences growing up as a child, I know that what my parents said about me always resonated in my head.  I was often described by them as being “shy”, “quiet”, and “smart”.  Whenever I was introduced to an adult, my parents would use those three words to say something about me.  I grew up with those words ringing in my head.  Now, as a mother of two sons, I understand the power of any sort of “description” I speak of my sons.   I have tried very hard to only speak positive words.

In my professional career as a judge who presided over many juvenile delinquent and juvenile offender cases, I heard the demeaning words that parents would often speak about their children to me in court, and usually, these juveniles were young men.  As their parents told me derogatory things about them, the young men would just stand with their heads down, ashamed and not knowing what to do.  But, I knew that their parents’ criticism and derogation did not just start then. 

Are you speaking words of encouragement and hope to your children? Even in anger, we parents can lose control and say mean things.  Once these words are said, though, it is hard to forget them.  Develop the habit of pausing before you speak.  This will allow you to gather your thoughts and control your tongue.

I encourage you to talk to your children with positive, supportive words.  Help strengthen their inner voice so they develop faith in themselves and truly love who they are. 

Small Ways to Boost Your Children’s Self Esteem

I have written before about boosting your child’s self-esteem, but today I will be discussing a few additional points as this is such an important subject.  Self-esteem is simply how a child feels about himself.  It is vital that children feel good about themselves because it makes them better problem solvers, better learners, and more appreciative of themselves and the people around them.

Since self-esteem is so integral to a child’s development, here are a few things you can do to boost his confidence.

1.    Do not pile on the praise. This may seem counterintuitive to what you believe.  Simply praising your child for everything he does is not helpful.  And, research shows that it may backfire.  Concentrate on praising effort.   Your praise may appear fake if a child knows that he did not perform well so instead, acknowledge when your child is making mistakes and encourage him to keep trying!

2.    Let your child make mistakes.  When teaching a child something new, be patient and monitor what she does.  Then, let her do it on her own so that she can learn from her mistakes.  Too often, as parents, we do not want our child to perform mediocrely.  How can she learn if she does not keep trying to do better.  

3.    Encourage independence. Once your child knows the difference between right and wrong and understands the consequences that come with certain decisions, let her make some for herself.  Often, this can show how much you trust her and respect her choices.

4.    Do not give harsh criticism.  I often hear parents calling their children names such as “lazy”, “messy”, “disorganized”, etc. What we speak over our children will come to pass.  They will begin to think about themselves just as you described.  So, select descriptive words that are encouraging rather than discouraging and look for things that they do right, rather than what they have done wrong.

Though these steps may seem simple, following them will go a long way in building healthy self-esteem in your children.

Kids Health provides more information about the benefits of high self-esteem in children and what you can do.  Read the entire article by CLICKING HERE.

Be Sure To Celebrate the Week of the Young Child: April 16-20, 2018

Every year, the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) celebrates young children and learning, and this week April 16-20, 2018 is dedicated to just that.  According to the NAEYC, the reason that a week is set aside annually is “to focus public attention on the needs of young children and their families and to recognize the early childhood programs and services that meet those needs.”

Local communities throughout the United States hold events for the celebration.  Events vary from a fun hat day to an ice cream social, a parade in a school and even a trip to the mayor’s office.   Importantly, the focus is on young children learning.

In the U. S. Virgin Islands where I live, I always participate in some way.  This year, I will be visiting an elementary school.  I have been asked to read a local  story to children and join in a special hat parade. 

Where ever you reside, please consider volunteering your time and talents to make this a special time for children in your area.  Whenever I visit a classroom or school to participate in an activity, I find that the children are always excited to have a special visitor who thinks they are important.  I am certain that it will be a blessing for you too, as it is for me!

Encourage Your Child’s Creativity- It Shapes the Way He Views the World

One of my favorite quotes about encouraging curiosity in our children is by Dr. Bruce Perry in his online article “Curiosity: The Fuel of Development” on Scholastic.com: “Curiosity dimmed is a future denied.”  That sentiment holds so much truth.  Curiosity has led to innumerable world changing inventions and innovations, and stifling it not only does a disservice to the individual, but also potentially the world.

Dr. Perry is an internationally acclaimed authority on brain development and children.  In his online article, he discusses how important curiosity is in the development of a child.   As a child grows, he is more and more curious.  If he is encouraged to ask questions, explore, discover new things, and share his discoveries, he will grow in confidence and knowledge. 

Dr. Perry also discusses how we parents can hamper curiosity.  Three common ways are through fear, disapproval, and absence.  If a child is afraid, he will not be curious.  He will not want to take a chance and ask a question.  He will seek comfort with the status quo and conforming. 

If a child hears disapproval from his parents, he will not be curious.  What forms of disapproval are parents using?  Examples begin with the word “don’t”.  Don’t touch that; don’t get dirty; don’t ask questions! When your child knows that you are disgusted or upset when he does a particular thing, he will not want to do it or anything similar to it.  A child seeks approval from his parents and if his parents do not approve of him being inquisitive, he will not be.  Plain and simple!

A curious mind also needs a parent who is supporting and motivating.  A smile, kind words, a look of encouragement – all of these and much more encourage a child to continue asking and seeking. If a parent is absent, the nurturing that a child needs is not there.  

Encourage your children to seek, explore and discover.  Who knows – you may have a budding Einstein in your family!

To read more of the article, CLICK HERE.

Encourage Your Children’s Curiosity by Reading Rather Than By Being Nosy

 
Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business
— 1 Thessalonians 4:11 (NASB)

When I read the above quote and saw the picture, I laughed out loud!  It is so appropriate, isn’t it!  Our children are naturally curious and will ask a lot of questions.  As parents, we should encourage their curiosity and help them search for answers, but not allow being nosy to be a part of their behavior.  Reading is the best way to find answers to questions.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines “nosy” in the common English for students as “wanting to know about someone else’s business.”  This has a negative connotation.  It does not mean that you are sincerely curious so that you can assist and provide consolation and prayer for the other person.  Instead, you are trying to find out about the other person so that you can make derogatory comments, often behind that person’s back.  The Bible encourages us to spend our time diligently working, not having idle time to be a busybody. 

 
We hear that some among you are idle and disruptive. They are not busy; they are busybodies. Such people we command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down...
— 2 Thessalonians 3:11-12 (NIV)
 

Most of our children’s behavior is modeled after us, as parents.  Take a moment and analyze your own behavior.  Do you have your nose in someone else’s affairs?  Do you talk openly and in front of your children about what other people are doing in a condemning way?  It may seem harmless but it isn’t at all.   Philippians 4:8 tells us to think about those things that are honorable, pure and worthy of praise.  Being a busybody is not among those mentioned. 

For the Month of September – Inspirational Back to School Quotes for Your Children – Stress Their Uniqueness

You alone created my inner being. You knitted me together inside my mother. I will give thanks to you because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this.

Psalm 139:13-14

    Since the month of September involves our children going back to school, I would like to give parents some inspirational, back to school quotes for their children in my blog posts for this month.  This week’s blog focuses on encouraging your children to stand out in their classrooms and among their friends.

In other words, they should strive to be the special, unique persons they were created to be, and not try to blend in with the crowd.  Build up their self-confidence.  Talk to them about their God given gifts and talents.  Speak blessings over them in the mornings and pray with them before they head out to school.  Read Bible verses that refer to how special they are.  Don’t let this be just another start of an ordinary school year, but seek to make this school year exceptionally different and special.  It’s up to parents to set the stage for their children’s success.