Encourage Your Children’s Curiosity by Reading Rather Than By Being Nosy

“Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business”

— 1 Thessalonians 4:11 (NASB)

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When I read the above quote and saw the picture, I laughed out loud!  It is so appropriate, isn’t it!  Our children are naturally curious and will ask a lot of questions.  As parents, we should encourage their curiosity and help them search for answers, but not allow being nosy to be a part of their behavior.  Reading is the best way to find answers to questions.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines “nosy” in the common English for students as “wanting to know about someone else’s business.”  This has a negative connotation.  It does not mean that you are sincerely curious so that you can assist and provide consolation and prayer for the other person.  Instead, you are trying to find out about the other person so that you can make derogatory comments, often behind that person’s back.  The Bible encourages us to spend our time diligently working, not having idle time to be a busybody. 

“We hear that some among you are idle and disruptive. They are not busy; they are busybodies. Such people we command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down...”

— 2 Thessalonians 3:11-12 (NIV)

Most of our children’s behavior is modeled after us, as parents.  Take a moment and analyze your own behavior.  Do you have your nose in someone else’s affairs?  Do you talk openly and in front of your children about what other people are doing in a condemning way?  It may seem harmless but it isn’t at all.   Philippians 4:8 tells us to think about those things that are honorable, pure and worthy of praise.  Being a busybody is not among those mentioned. 

Teaching Kindness and Compassion To Our Children

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Galatians 5:22-23 lists kindness as one of the fruits of the Spirit that we should develop.   In this fast paced world and with all the negative information on television and the internet, it is even more important that we cultivate kindness and compassion in our children.

What are kind acts?  Jesus modeled kindness through such acts as healing the blind and eating with sinners. There are those acts that you can do in your neighborhood or community and those that you can do at home.  One of the acts of kindness that I have done over the years is to help feed homeless persons, not only during the holidays, but also during other times of the year.  Even when I travel, I try to spend time volunteering in some service capacity.

Once I was on a trip to attend a conference in a certain city and arranged for dinner with a friend who lived in that city.  After he picked me up and we were driving to the restaurant, I expressed my concern about how many homeless people were in his city as I felt there were many more as compared to other places I had visited.  My friend commented that I was the only person he knew who actually noticed homeless persons.  I was shocked by his statement.  

Parents can cultivate kindness by having their children volunteer to participate in many activities in their community.  Cleanups in specific areas of town, mowing the lawn for an elderly neighbor, babysitting for a single parent – these are all acts of kindness and compassion.

At home, parents are role models as children imitate them.  Parents should not expect their children to be kind if they are not.  Acts of kindness and words of kindness should be a regular part of a family’s daily ritual.  These include helping carry in bags of groceries; thanking each other for a thoughtful word or gesture; and assisting with a chore or a task.   

As the poem in today’s blog states, kindness and compassion never fail, whether in our communities or in our homes.  It is up to parents to nurture and develop those attributes in their children.

Sibling Conflict- What To Do If Your Family Has Fallen Victim To It

My sons are adults now but I still look back on those days when they were growing up together and often have to laugh at some of the things they did.  Yes, there was a lot of sibling conflict.  I remember one incident when they both wanted to sit in the front passenger seat of the car, so they raced each other to the car.  One of them got in first and tried to lock the doors with the automatic lock but couldn’t in time.  The other, in turn, tried to keep the door open at the same time as taking control of the automatic lock.  Needless to say, the back and forth between them and the lock caused all the locks in the car to stop working!

Sibling rivalry!  Just what can we do about it?  Based on my research and personal experiences, there are many things that parents can do.  First, encourage your children to be friends, not competitors.  I think that this is harder to do if you have children of the same gender as they often want to outdo each other, especially boys.  Suggest acts of kindness and helpfulness that they can do for each other.  Talk to them about your personal relationships with your siblings and how it is important for your children to have close relationships too.

Also, help each child to develop his/her unique gifts and talents.  Each child is exceptional and your child’s special abilities should be supported.  For my sons, my older son is an athlete and my youngest son has artistic talents, including music and drawing.  We spent some of our time at athletic events, and other time at music lessons.

Some other clever suggestions are: have the older sibling who is arguing pay to the younger sibling $1; if they tell different versions of an argument, have them stay in a room until they come up with the true version; or have them go to separate corners of a room and yell out “I love you” back and forth 20 times as this will get the anger out of them and focus on their relationship as siblings. 

Have Interesting Dinner Conversations With Your Children

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Dinner is one of the most important times during the day that you can spend talking with your children and learning more about them.  But, if your children are like mine, they usually have one or two word responses to questions.  How was your day? “Fine.”  Did you do anything interesting at school? “Not really.” And, I have to ask everyone to put away their cell phones so that we can actually focus on talking.  Every once in a while, however, I observe someone sneaking a peak at a cell phone under the table.

What can parents do to encourage stimulating discussions with their children during dinner time?  Many experts agree that making dinner a regular ritual is important.  Children need order and regularity in their lives, so parents should plan to have regular dinners with them most days of the week.  Another recommendation is to ensure that all devices are turned off.  Everyone at the table should be focused on listening and talking to and with each other.  No cell phones, tablets, computers, or televisions should be on or at the dinner table.

Experts also recommend to plan ahead so that you have good questions and conversation starters, and not to ask the same questions each night.  Change it up a bit.  Make it fun.  Ask questions about a grandparent’s heritage or the funniest thing that happened that day or the grossest thing they have ever eaten or what is their favorite song and why.   The questions are unlimited.  It takes your commitment as a parent to think and plan for these conversations during dinners with your children and see them as special opportunities for everyone to learn about each other.

What is One of the Most Important New Year’s Resolutions That You Can Make For Your Children? Read more!

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    I came across this post by an unknown author about reading to your children.  As you may know, my blog centers on improving the lives of children, primarily through literacy.  It should be no surprise that I would continue to inspire adults to read more to and with children.  As we begin a new year, I encourage you to add that as a New Year’s resolution as it keeps reading on your most important things “to do” list each day.  

    As the unknown author writes, it only can take 20 minutes a day.  That is 20 minutes out of 1,440 minutes that we have each and every day.  Surely you can squeeze in the time!  But, if there is one day that you just have 10 minutes, still do it.  Don’t put reading off to a time in the future when you believe you will have “enough time” because often, that time does not happen.   Make procrastinating a thing of the past and just do it!

    What about where and when to read?  The author again gives you some suggestions.  Think about all the things that you do each day that require some sort of waiting time, and then add reading.  While you do laundry … while dinner cooks – these are just a few of those times.   Moreover, read during any time of the day – especially on weekends and holidays.  Search for opportunities to read. 

    I love it when the author suggests to “Hide the remote; let the computer games cool.”  We all know that these electronic devices steal reading time away from us.  So, in other words, don’t even turn on the television.  If you have it on, turn it off and then don’t let anyone else turn it on while reading is going on.  With computer games, you may have to pull your children away from them, but pull, pull, pull!  Those games won’t go anywhere and when you give the approval for your children to return to them, they will still be there.

    While reading, have your children snuggle close to you.  This is a wonderful time to bond and love on them.  They hear your voice.  They feel your warm touch.  They know that they are truly loved!  And, as the author says “Hey, don’t quit.”  Tomorrow is another day to read, and read, and read some more.

Raising Thankful Children

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I came across this quote and was taken aback by how simple yet forthright and impactful it was.  Saying “thank you” is such an important part of our relationship with God, our Father, yet how often do we truly do it during our busy days?  How are we teaching our children to be thankful for all that He has given us?  1 Thessalonians 5:18 states “Give thanks in every circumstance for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

It’s the day after Christmas and I’m certain that we all had a lot of gifts to open and indulge in as well as scrumptious meals to enjoy.  We should be thankful for all that He has given us, not just for these physical, worldly gifts, but most importantly, for the intangible ones - our lives, our health, our family, etc., etc.  I could go on and on naming what we can be thankful for each and every second of each and every day.  

Whether we like it or not, we are role models for our children.  If we are not verbally expressing our thanks and showing thankfulness through our actions, the likelihood is that our children will not either.  To raise thankful children, we must first be thankful as parents.  Try expressing thanks out loud each day as part of the family routine, such as when you are driving them to school.  Make it fun and playful.  Point out how they can thank each other for simple acts of kindness.  As a parent, you can thank your children for things that they do, and they should be thanking you as well.  Nurture a thankful spirit within your children and they will be kinder and more loving to you and others. 

Are Your Parenting Skills Consistent?

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As Christian parents, we want to raise Godly children.  But, in order to do so, our parenting skills should be consistent.  Ask yourself: Do you say one thing to your children, but do another?  Do you threaten, and threaten, and threaten, but never follow through?  Consistent parenting is very important to children because it builds a sense of security and character, and ultimately leads to them having a successful life. Children need to know what the rules are and what is expected of them.  And, they need to know what happens if they break the rules or do not follow through.  

Just as our Father God gave us rules and principles to follow in the Bible and lets us know what will happen if we do not follow them, we should treat our children similarly.   First, our morals and values must be consistent.  For example, if we believe that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19), we must treat them as special and not abuse them.  But are you consistent?  It is easy to tell your children not to drink alcohol because of all the negative ramifications, but do you drink with friends?  

Second, our rules and requirements must be consistent.   We should not require one child to behave a certain way, but allow another child to do something different and then make excuses for that child. 

Third, the consequences or discipline we impose should be consistent.  Do not threaten to impose specific discipline, but then not impose it when the time comes.  There will eventually come a point where your child will simply ignore what you say either because you never followed through or you were inconsistent in your follow through.  The last thing that we want to happen as parents is that our children do not listen to what we have to say. 

Allowing Our Children to Face the Consequences

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As parents, many of us do not want to see our children suffer for their mistakes or negative conduct.  We love them so much that all we want to do is protect them.  A very important parenting tool, however, is that we allow our children to face discomfort and consequences from their actions so that they can learn that their decisions and actions have ramifications in their lives.

As Christian parents, we should have rules for our children to follow.  Have your family write up some rules for everyone to follow.  If and when they violate the rules, natural consequences must follow.  These consequences can be creative ones.  In her online article Creative Consequences for Kids, author Kim Sorgius shares some of her suggestions.  She writes that first, rules at home should be simple and not give a child any wiggle room.  As an example, she requires that her children clean their room.  Once she comes to check, if she finds anything out of order or not put away, she takes the item for a period of time, such as a week.  If the problem continues, she may give the item away to charity.

Another example is when her child is too loud or whinny or saying mean things.   The consequence for that negative behavior is that the child cannot speak for a while.  This especially works well, she writes, when children are driving with you in the car.

After her article, Ms. Sorgius shares comments that other moms have written about what they do for consequences.  One mom wrote: “If you don’t eat what mama cooks you’re gonna be hungry.” How long do you think it will take your child to figure out that he had better eat what his mother or father cooks or he will go hungry?

Be sure to plan out consequences when you are not angry.  Be creative.  Your children will break rules, so expect it and help them learn how to develop character and discipline.  

Read her entire article by CLICKING HERE.

What Are You Believing For Your Children?

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I am a living example that children are likely to grow up to what their parents believe of them. When I was growing up, my parents would tell me that I could become anything I wanted.  They stressed hard work and a good education.  Back then, there were not very many women attorneys or judges.  But, that didn’t deter me because my parents had instilled in me to dream big.  I worked diligently in school and if I brought home anything less than an “A” on my report card, my parents would be disappointed, telling me that I could have achieved an “A”.   I would work even harder to achieve that “A” because they had told me I could.

When I became a mother, I too passed on to my two sons that they could become anything they wanted.  Ask yourself – what are you believing for your children?  

When I was a judge, I heard many parents tell me in the courtroom what a disappointment their children were and even call them derogatory names.  All the while, their children are in the courtroom listening to what they are saying.  Often, the child would be hanging his or her head down while the parent was speaking.  I often cringed wondering if that is what they are saying about their children in a courtroom, I would hate to hear what they are saying to their children at home!

Proverbs 18:21 says that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue”.  Examine what you are speaking about your children.  Is it life, health and prosperity?  Those should be the only words that you speak over them as words have no end in time and affect their eternity.

Encourage Your Children to Smile

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A warm, smiling face reveals a joy-filled heart.  

Proverbs 15:3

I love this version of Proverbs 15:3.  When I read it, I think of children smiling, genuinely and eagerly, because there is so much natural joy in their hearts.  Children love to play and laugh and have fun.  Smiling is a big part of that.

As a lay children’s minister for many years, I taught God’s Word in a fun-filled way.  I firmly believed that if a child was having fun, the child would learn God’s Word quicker and also know that God is a God of joy and fun.  We did puppet shows and dressed up in costumes to act out stories in the Bible.  Yes, we acted silly and goofy – all to get the children to be happy and excited about our great God. 

For me, smiling is a perfect way to show my faith and my thankful, joy-filled heart.  If I am smiling, that means that I have put my faith in God to help me to have a successful day and overcome any obstacles that try to block my progress.  And, I think that smiling is a sign of strength.  No matter how much pressure may be brought on me, smiling means that I am at peace, having put my trust in God.  Many people believe that smiling and joyfulness only come after our lives are perfect but that is not true.  The Bible says that the joy of the Lord is our strength to be overcomers – not that joy only comes afterward we overcome.   (Nehemiah 8:10)

Smiling to others also encourages others to smile too and can be a blessing to them.  Do you smile to and with your children?  If they see you model smiling, they will be sure to follow in your footsteps.

It has been said that a smile is the prettiest thing that you can wear! What is the alternative? The upside down smile is a frown.

Inspirational Back to School Quotes for Your Children – Build Honesty

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Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Philippians 4:8 NLT

This is my third blog post for the month of September on back to school inspirational quotes for your children. Today, I would like to stress the importance of honesty.  Jesus said that He is the Way, the Truth and the Life.  John 14:6.  Since He is the Truth and our example, we should strive to be truthful in all that we say and do.  

Being honest all the time is not easy.  When your children are in school, there will be times that they will be asked questions.  Will they speak the truth or lie?  Help them to be bold in honesty.  In doing so, it’s important to remember that your children are watching and listening to you.  If you do not tell the truth, it will be difficult for your children to do so.  Be a role model of integrity for them. 

Teaching Your Children Good Manners

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“In everything, treat others the same way you want them to treat you, for this is [the essence of] the Law and the [writings of the] Prophets.”  Matthew 7:12

    The subject of good manners is not discussed as much as it should be.  As Christians, this Bible verse establishes the basis for good manners.  Essentially, good manners are built on the foundation that you treat others the same way as you would want to be treated and are an expression of love from the heart.  According to Proverbs 22:6, parents have a Biblical duty to teach and train their children: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."

    As a parent, what can you do to help your children learn good manners.  First, children need good role models to emulate.  Do you as the parent exhibit good manners?  You can’t demand that your children say “thank you” and “please” if you don’t. 

    Second, in teaching good manners, start with a few basics such as “thank you” and “please” and “excuse me” and “sorry”.  Don’t make it complicated.  Notice when your children are using good manners, and praise them for it.  Once these basics are mastered, move on to other words and actions.  Before you know it, you and your children are on the way to becoming the best mannered people in your neighborhood.

Parents Should Not Allow Their Children To Be Disrespectful

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This is a very powerful quote from the great evangelist Billy Graham about disrespectful children.  We have all seen them in public – children who are disrespectful to their parents.  But, let’s look inside our own homes for a minute.  What do you allow your children to say or do to you as a parent?  Do you make excuses for your children’s behavior?

What type of action is disrespectful?  It may vary, depending on the parents’ own beliefs, but typically, name-calling, yelling, cursing, and talking back are universally deemed disrespectful.  Turning and walking away, slamming doors, hanging up the phone – these also are disrespectful actions.   

What do you do when your children act disrespectfully?  It is important to stop the action immediately and invoke age appropriate discipline, which can include losing privileges to play video games or going out with friends.  Also, be observant and catch your children acting respectfully.  Let them know that their respectful behavior has been noticed and is applauded.  Some parents believe, however, that children should be “free” to express themselves.  In my opinion, that’s when trouble begins.  If your children are allowed to be “free” to express themselves at home, and are abusive, they will continue to act the same way outside the home. 

Cook with Your Children and Promote Reading at the Same Time

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What does cooking have to do with reading?  A whole lot because reading recipes is involved!  Encourage your children to help out in the kitchen with cooking and have them read from recipes and other items at the same time.  And, have a lot of fun while you are doing it too!

There are a variety of excellent cookbooks for children available.  Or, you may have family recipes that you have collected over the years and written down on index cards or typed out.  The goal is to have your children read.  Start with the ingredients.  Let them read and then collect the items that are needed.  After that, continue on to the instructions.  What is step 1?  Step 2? Ask them questions about what they have read to make sure they understand what is involved.

Above all, be patient and understanding.  If egg shells get in the bowl, show them how to remove them and what to do in the future.  Help them read the numbers and then set the temperature on the oven.  Then, set a timer on a clock for the correct cooking time.   I guarantee that if you involve your children in cooking, you will create life long memories!

Helping Our Children Choose Their Friends

“Do not be misled: bad company corrupts good character.”

— 1 Corinthians 15:33 (NIV)

    As a parent, have you ever thought about helping your children choose their friends?  You may think – that’s not my role as a parent or my child should be able to choose his/her own friends.  In my humble opinion, I think that parents should play a huge role in who their children consider as friends and spend time with. 

    I was always on the look out for good friends for my sons.  Since I volunteered in the children’s ministry at my church, I had special insight into the children who attended.  I closely observed the child’s and parents’ demeanors.  Did the parents bring their children to church every Sunday or just once in a while?  Were they on time?  Were the children clean and fed?  Did they have good manners?  Did the parents and/or children use bad words?   Did the children tell lies?  What did the family do over the weekend?  Was reading and doing well in school important to the child and parents? 

    I took the scripture verse in 1 Corinthians 15:33 very seriously because I knew that bad company has a very negative effect on good character.  I wanted to raise two sons who would be Godly young men.  Yes, I was called a strict parent, but what is the alternative?  I encourage you to play a very active role in your children’s lives rather than just being a spectator. 

Author Soraya Diase Coffelt

Good Manners Don’t Fall from a Tree- You must Teach Them to Your Children

I sincerely believe that Christians should have the best mannered children.  Why?  Because we are to be an example to the world in every way, including how we raise our children.  

Of course, good manners start at home.  In her book “Taming the Family Zoo: Six Weeks to Raising a Well Mannered Child”, author Donna Jones gives many ways to teach our children good manners.  Here are some of them:

1. Teach the magic words.  Children need to know why “thank you”, “please” and all the other magic words are very important to their vocabulary.  Once they practice them at home, your children will have mastered their use, so using them in public will be natural to them.

2. Teach wise behavior in public.  Children need to know that they shouldn’t be running around in public, climbing on chairs, raising their voices, cutting in lines, etc.  Proper public behavior starts at home.  If you allow them to do these or similar things at home, they will do them in public.  

3. Teach good table manners.  Start at home of course.  Don’t allow your children to talk with their mouths full of food.  Show them how to place napkins in their laps and to keep their elbows off the table.  Don’t let them reach over someone else to get food.  Once they learn their manners at home, they will use them naturally at a public dining place or at a friend’s house. 

Read the entire article on her book by clicking here.

Author Soraya Diase Coffelt

What Does the Bible Have to Say About Good Manners?

Actually, the Bible has a lot to say about good manners. In fact, at this site you can find 23 Bible verses about manners.  Voted the most popular Bible verse on manners is Luke 6:31, “And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.” (ESV)

I live in the U.S. Virgin Islands which is a part of the West Indies.  We West Indians are known for being very polite people.  We always greet another person, whether we know the person or not, with “Good morning” or “Good afternoon”, or whatever the time of day or night. As a matter of fact, if we do not greet a person that way from the beginning of the contact, the person immediately believes that we have no manners and would consider us to be rude.

I believe that good manners are just not being emphasized by parents any more.  We tend to excuse the child saying such things as “He’s just shy” or “She’s just tired today” or “He’s having a bad day”, or “She’s just a child-when she grows up, she’ll know better”, etc., etc.  Importantly, however, good manners should be ingrained in children, so that as your children grow up, good manners are such an integral part of them, that they automatically respond with good manners in every situation.  

Author Soraya Diase Coffelt