Sibling Conflict- What To Do If Your Family Has Fallen Victim To It

My sons are adults now but I still look back on those days when they were growing up together and often have to laugh at some of the things they did. Yes, there was a lot of sibling conflict. I remember one incident when they both wanted to sit in the front passenger seat of the car, so they raced each other to the car. One of them got in first and tried to lock the doors with the automatic lock but couldn’t in time. The other, in turn, tried to keep the door open at the same time as taking control of the automatic lock. Needless to say, the back and forth between them and the lock caused all the locks in the car to stop working!

Sibling rivalry! Just what can we do about it? Based on my research and personal experiences, there are many things that parents can do. First, encourage your children to be friends, not competitors. I think that this is harder to do if you have children of the same gender as they often want to outdo each other, especially boys. Suggest acts of kindness and helpfulness that they can do for each other. Talk to them about your personal relationships with your siblings and how it is important for your children to have close relationships too.

Also, help each child to develop his/her unique gifts and talents. Each child is exceptional and your child’s special abilities should be supported. For my sons, my older son is an athlete and my youngest son has artistic talents, including music and drawing. We spent some of our time at athletic events, and other time at music lessons.

Some other clever suggestions are: have the older sibling who is arguing pay to the younger sibling $1; if they tell different versions of an argument, have them stay in a room until they come up with the true version; or have them go to separate corners of a room and yell out “I love you” back and forth 20 times as this will get the anger out of them and focus on their relationship as siblings.