Helping Your Children Understand Disabilities

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Picture from friendshipcircle.org

Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. 1 Peter 3:8 ESV

It is of utmost importance that we raise children who are compassionate, empathetic, and loving to others.  One of the ways to do that is teaching them at a young age about persons with disabilities and how to treat them. Many of us have persons with disabilities in our families and there may be children with disabilities at your children’s school.  As Christians, we are especially called to show our love and be tenderhearted. 1 Peter 3:8.

Children are naturally inquisitive and will ask questions.  Here are some suggestions to assist your children:

• It is acceptable to notice a person who has a disability.  Do not ignore the situation but offer an explanation that is not emotional.  Author Lindsay Hutton in her online article Six Tips to Talk to Your Children About Disabilities, suggests the following:

A short and matter-of-fact description will answer your child's questions while showing her that the person has nothing to be ashamed of.

For example, if you see a child with muscular dystrophy in a wheelchair, you can say to your child, ‘I see you looking at that little girl in the wheelchair, and you might be wondering why she needs it. Some people's muscles work a little differently, and her wheelchair helps her move around, just like your legs help you.’

• Words are important, so be respectful and not hurtful.  Ms. Hutton recommends the appropriate words to use: “Avoid using derogatory terms like ‘cripple’, ‘retarded’, or ‘midget’, and instead, use terms and phrases like ‘wheelchair user,’ ‘little person’, and ‘he has a learning disability’.’’

• Point out similarities between all children and adults.  Persons with disabilities are human beings who have feelings, love their families, and enjoy music as well as playing sports.  By emphasizing the similarities, you will help your children to understand that persons with disabilities are people too.

• Children love to ask questions.  If you do not know the answers and the child’s parent is present, consider asking the parent.  Many parents of children with disabilities welcome questions and spend time answering them.

• Ask your children to think about a scenario where they have a particular disability.  How would they like to be treated? For example, if there is a child in your children’s school who has a hearing disability and wears a hearing device, ask your children how they would feel if they could not hear well.  How would they want to be treated? 

There are many children’s books to familiarize your children with disabilities.  Visit the links below for some suggestions. 

For more helpful information, please visit the following:

• Explaining Disability to Children

• 6 Tips to Talk to Your Kids About Disabilities

• Disability Awareness for Kids

Celebrating Memorial Day with Children

Photo from Houston Family Magazine

Memorial Day is an annual holiday set aside to honor those in the military who have fallen, particularly during military service.  Many people confuse it with Veteran’s Day which is day to recognize and honor all veterans. Typically, we celebrate Memorial Day with parades and visits to cemeteries and war monuments.  However, due to the quarantine restrictions, we will have to be very selective as to what activities we participate in.  And, of course, children should be included in all your plans!

The links below provide you with a lot of information you can use as teaching tools about Memorial Day as well as activities for children.  These activities range from games to baking special patriotic deserts to coloring and, of course, reading.   Importantly, please do not have your children mindlessly playing computer games or video games all day.  Keep their bodies and minds active by planning ahead of time what you will do as a family to honor our fallen heroes.

For more information, please visit these links:

• Military - Memorial Day

• Celebrating Memorial Day with Children

• Patriotic Ways to Celebrate Memorial Day with Kids

Opening a Savings Account for Your Child

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Saving money is encouraged in the Bible. There are many scripture verses that establish that God wants us to be wise with our money and prepared for what may happen in the future.  Assisting your children to save money by opening savings accounts is a good start.

First, start with the scripture foundation for the principle of saving money.  Proverbs 6:6-11 talks about the hard-working ant. The Bible says “consider her ways and be wise”.  She diligently works all summer to gather food for the winter and has plenty when she needs it.  She is not a “sluggard” or a “lazybone” (NLT version), waiting for something else to do the hard work and provide food for her when she needs it.  Another important verse is Proverbs 21:5 – “Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity, but hasty shortcuts lead to poverty.” (NLT) Planning for the future is critical so that you will have money enough to provide for your needs and any emergency that may pop up.   Proverbs 21:20 talks about a rich man having precious things - wealth and luxury - while “fools spend whatever they get.” (NLT)

Second, do your homework before opening a savings account.  Research the process and what factors you should consider. There is an excellent online article (website below) entitled 7 Things to Consider Before Opening a Kids Savings Account.  It is important to understand all that is involved, including legal requirements that must be met, as well as bank fees that may be charged.

The best teacher from whom a child can learn to save money is you – the parent.  Raise a wise person, not a sluggard or lazybone!

To learn more, please CLICK HERE.

The Importance of Laughter for Children

  A merry heart does good, like medicine.
Proverbs 17:22 NKJV

Children love to laugh and they laugh readily and energetically.  It has been said that the average 4-year-old laughs 300 times a day!  What I didn’t know was how beneficial a sense of humor and laughter are to children.  As I was researching this topic, I learned about these benefits and hope that you will be motivated to laugh more and encourage your children to develop a good sense of humor.

At the website www.theirworld.org, early childhood development writer Elaine Hunter explains that laughter is a vital part of a child’s development.  For babies and children, laughter becomes a part of how they engage people – their social interaction.  As children grow older, humor allows them to learn to put thoughts together and process language.  As they memorize jokes, their memorization skills improve.

According to clinical psychologist Emma Cintron, “humor and laughter also defines children’s friendship groups. They will bond with children they can laugh with because they all find the same things funny. There are lots of different people in the world and we all laugh at different things.”  Ms. Cintron encourages parents to use humor when talking with children, especially about difficult subjects.  “We can tackle difficult subjects with the use of humor. It’s a healthy parenting aid. When things make us laugh, we are less stressed and deal with things in a more positive way. Humor allows children to see things from a different perspective and to look at the world in a different way.”

Consider incorporating humor more and more in your daily interactions with your children.  They will learn from you and enjoy laughter throughout their days.

To learn more, please click HERE or HERE.

Teaching Your Children Christian Mindfulness

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There has been a lot of attention on and encouragement for adults to develop mindfulness, especially through yoga and meditation.  There is also a growing movement to teach children about mindfulness.  As Christians, we are called to “rest in the Lord,” meaning that we should spend quiet time with the Lord and trust Him.  This week I wanted to take a look at Christian mindfulness and how you can help your children develop it.

Just what is mindfulness? A simple definition is to be attentive to the present.  Our thoughts race around in our minds throughout the day.  How much are we aware of what is happening now – in the present time?  At the website, christiansimplicity.com, the writer gives a wonderful description of Christian mindfulness: “Because God is part of our everyday lives, paying attention to God and focusing on God’s kingdom is a fundamental practice of Christian mindfulness.”  The writer refers to it as “mindfulness Jesus-style.”  I like that!

Living in the present means that we are to have our hope in God and not dwell on our worries.  We should be at peace with ourselves and our surroundings.

Meditation is a good way to develop mindfulness.   Christiansimplicity.com further recommends using scripture during meditation:

Christian meditation can be as simple as sitting still for ten minutes, breathing easily, and repeating a line of Scripture. Good phrases for this kind of meditation are “Maranatha” and “Be still and know that I am God.” This kind of meditation renews both our minds and our spirits. It provides a centeredness that helps us listen for God. It also trains us over time to release all the distracting thoughts that occur to us during the average day and refocus on what matters.

Children need assistance in dealing with their emotions and worries.  Select appropriate scripture verses that they can easily memorize.  Encourage them to take some time each day to sit quietly and repeat scripture or to just experience the present moment.

To learn more, CLICK HERE.

Helping Your Children with Dyslexia

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Just what is dyslexia and what should we as parents know about it so that we can help our children? According to the Mayo Clinic, dyslexia is a reading disorder that affects the way that the brain processes language.  It is mostly associated with children having difficulties learning to read and has nothing to do with the child’s intelligence.  It is estimated that one in five children has dyslexia.

Before a child starts school, common symptoms include:

• Late talking

• Learning new words slowly

• Problems forming words correctly, such as reversing sounds in words or confusing words that sound alike

• Problems remembering or naming letters, numbers and colors

• Difficulty learning nursery rhymes or playing rhyming games

Once the child is in school, it becomes easier to diagnose dyslexia as symptoms include:

• Reading well below the expected level for age

• Difficulty finding the right word or forming answers to questions

• Problems remembering the sequence of things

• Difficulty seeing (and occasionally hearing) similarities and differences in letters and words

• Difficulty spelling

• Spending an unusually long time completing tasks that involve reading or writing

• Avoiding activities that involve reading

It is important to speak with your child’s doctor if your child is having any of these symptoms.  Be diligent as the social impact of dyslexia can have a negative effect on your child and how he perceives himself.  With assistance in forming strategies to compensate for various weaknesses, your child can excel socially and academically.  Unfortunately, however, a person never outgrows dyslexia.

For more information, visit:

• Mayo Clinic - Dyslexia

• Understanding Dyslexia

Heavy Backpacks Can Cause Back Pain

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Have you looked at your children’s backpacks lately?  How large and heavy are they? I have seen so many children walking hunched over while carrying heavy backpacks. All this weight on a child’s spine is not good.

In an online article entitled Backpacks and Back Pain in Children, Dr. John Triano describes what can happen to a child’s spine.  Carrying a heavy backpack can cause the following:

• Distort the natural curves in the middle and lower backs, causing muscle strain and irritation to the spine joints and the rib cage. If the backpack is carried on one shoulder, the spine leans to the opposite side.

• Lead to rounding of the shoulders

• Cause a person to lean forward, reducing balance and making it easier to fall

• Pull on the neck muscles, contributing to headache, shoulder pain, lower back pain, and/or neck and arm pain.

Some researchers suggest that the weight of the backpack should be limited to 10%-15% of the child’s body weight.  Also recommended is using a separate bag for the child's laptop or other heavier electronic items.

Dr. Triano suggests that parents select backpacks with the following:

• Lightweight material (canvas as opposed to leather)

• Two padded, wide (2-inches), adjustable shoulder straps on the backpack

• Padded back

• Individualized compartments

• Hip strap, waist belt, or frame to redistribute the weight of the backpack from the shoulders and back to the pelvis

• Wheels so that the backpack can be pulled rather than carried.

Be sure to monitor what your children put in their backpacks.  Often, they just continue to stuff things inside without cleaning them out and organizing them.  This leads to them carrying a lot of unnecessary items.

To learn more, please read the entire article by clicking here.

Overcoming Hectic School Mornings

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All parents have suffered through those hectic school mornings.  Getting ourselves and our children ready on time is often challenging.  Here are some pointers adopted by successful parents to overcome those chaotic times.

Get enough sleep the night before.  Your children should have a regular routine for going to bed at night with that routine including a regular time to get to bed and praying together.  There should not be any exceptions on a school night.  Children need adequate sleep and if they are not getting it, their performance at home and in school will show it.

Prepare, prepare, prepare the night before.  Preparation is the key to a smooth sailing morning.  Consider all the tasks that need to be done in the morning and prepare the night before for them so that they can be accomplished easily that morning.  Remember to get your children involved in all the preparations so that they learn what needs to be done and can take over when they are able to.  Select your children’s clothing.  If they take a lunch to school, prepare their lunches that night or at least double check to make sure you have all the ingredients.  Pack the lunch kits when possible.  Have their bookbags ready with the completed homework and anything else that they will need the next day. Make sure to double check whether they need any materials for school – such as pencils or notebooks.  All those can be packed that night as well. Don’t forget about their breakfasts.  Prepare ahead of time to ensure that that they have healthy food to eat. 

Have a checklist, just in case.  I’m a person who loves checklists but they have to be manageable.   Having a short list for each child to do will help you (and them) to better prepare. 

Wake up before your children.  You, as a parent, have important tasks that you need to get done in the morning too, including having some quiet time to pray.  It is best that your tasks are completed (or almost completed) before you take on helping your children to get ready.  Waking up before your children will give you the ability to do what you need to do and be ready when they get up.  When they do wake up, pray with them to help them start the day with a thankful heart and direction.

Organize your home. Everything needs its place in your home.  Lunch kits in one area, school related items in another area, etc., etc. Being organized will help you and your children get prepared quickly and efficiently.

For more information, please read:

• Morning Routine for Kids

• School Mornings Without the Stress

Bullying has Long Lasting Effects on Children

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Despite the fact that bullying has been a topic of much discussion and intervention for the past several years, it continues to be a major problem in our schools.  Experts say that the long-term effects of bullying on a child victim can be very detrimental and last into adulthood.  And, the aggressor’s bullying can also continue into adulthood.

Many ailments have been connected to bullying, such as depression, eating disorders, self-harm, and post-traumatic stress disorder.  Inevitably, the child victim suffers from a loss of confidence.

The negative feelings associated with being a victim of bullying can lead to anger problems which may require therapy and medications.   Often, the child withdraws from social contacts, which then leaves him isolated.  It is critical to intervene as quickly as possible if this happens because isolation can lead to suicidal tendencies.

Interestingly, bullying tendencies as a child have been linked to sexual harassment as an adult.  A December 2016 study published in the journal Children and Youth Services Review showed that “43% of the children surveyed (from middle school to high school) had been the victims of verbal sexual harassment (including sexual comments, jokes, and gestures) in the past year.” One of the experts who was involved in the study said that the bullying tendencies associated with sexual harassment can have their beginnings long before the person becomes an adult: “Schools are breeding grounds for harassment of women.  What we see in college starts in K to twelve.”

To read more about the long-term effects of bullying, go to:

• Long-term Effects of Bullying on the Victim

• Myths About Victims of Bullying

• Truths About Bullying Only Victims Understand

• How Bullying is Linked to Sexual Harassment

The Harmful Effects of Plastic on Our Children’s Health

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More and more studies are showing the dangers that the use of plastic is having on our health.  As parents, our concern is the effects on our children.  The American Academy of Pediatrics issued a report and policy statement in August, 2018 detailing the hazards to our children’s health posed by chemicals in plastic and making recommendations to assist persons in the health field and parents as to how to reduce exposure to these dangerous chemicals.  It found that “food insecurity remains a substantial child health concern”.

According to the report, increasing amounts of diseases and disabilities are being linked to harmful chemicals in plastic.  For example, the chemical bisphenol A or BPA has been frequently used since the 1960s in manufacturing plastic but research has shown the negative health effects it has. “BPA has recently been banned from infant bottles and plastic beverage containers are increasingly designated as BPA free. However, BPA and related compounds are still used in polymeric resin coatings to prevent metal corrosion in food and beverage containers.”  Be aware that, even though BPA may not be used in the plastic of a specific item, there are closely related chemical alternatives now being used that show similar negative health effects. 

The report lists many other chemicals and additives in food that pose harm to children.  Please read it for a good understanding of how these chemicals are shown to negatively affect our bodies.

The Academy’s policy statement is very helpful as well as it contains many practical recommendations such as:

• Avoid microwaving food or beverages (including infant formula and pumped human milk) in plastic;

• Avoid placing plastics in the dishwasher;

• Use alternatives to plastic, such as glass or stainless steel, when possible; and

• Look at the recycling code on the bottom of products to find the plastic type, and avoid plastics with recycling codes 3 (phthalates), 6 (styrene), and 7 (bisphenols) unless plastics are labeled as “biobased” or “greenware,” indicating that they are made from corn and do not contain bisphenols.

One other practical recommendation is drinking tap water rather than bottled water.   As for us parents, isn’t that so much easier, as you simply have to fill a glass or bottle from the tap?

Unfortunately, it is predicted that the use of plastics will quadruple by 2050.  That’s a sad testimony for us!

To read the full report and policy statement, please visit:

• https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/142/2/e20181410

• https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/142/2/e20181408

Dads Teaming Up to Make a Difference in the Lives of Their Children

Photo of New York City Dads Meetup Group

All across the country, dads are joining together to seek guidance and learn from each other, all with the goal of becoming better fathers.  It’s such a wonderful thing to see!  One group that has made impressive strides is 4 Your Child, a project of the University of Kentucky’s School of Social Work.  Since the program started in 2015, it has helped 900 dads to become better fathers.

Professor Armon Perry and his team are the power houses behind the project.  According to the project summary on the website, research “has concluded that factors such as fathers’ parenting skills, co-parenting relationship quality, and socio-economic status all impact fathers’ ability to contribute to their children’s growth and development.”  The project aims at providing non-custodial fathers with “a comprehensive, solution-oriented program featuring group-based parent education and individualized case management to help them achieve financial independence, increase their parenting skills, and develop a co-parenting alliance.” 

According to a recent article in usnews.com about the project, dads receive parenting-related classes over a period of 28 weeks through workshops that help them develop better skills in communication and conflict resolution.  After completing these classes, the men are eligible for 6 months of further assistance from various professionals.  The goal is to develop men who will be not only good financial providers for their children, but also have better relationships with both their children and the women who are the mothers of their children.

This program is very impressive and should be a model for others throughout the country.  It is funded by a federal grant and similar programs in other states should be able to be funded the same way. 

To learn more about 4 Your Child, CLICK HERE.

Make Plans Ahead of Time to Celebrate July 4th

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July 4th is just around the corner.  What plans do you have to celebrate this holiday?  My children’s book It’s Not About You Mrs. Firecracker – A Love Letter About the True Meaning of the Fourth of July is available to help you and your children learn more about this important day in our history.  Why do we celebrate that day? It is not all about the food and firecrackers!  

To learn more and order a copy, please CLICK HERE.

In Spelling Bees, All Children Are Winners!

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We have all seen them – a child standing on a stage, before a room full of people, being given words to spell.  Each child patiently attempts to speak clearly into the microphone to spell the word.  Many of those words are very difficult to pronounce, much less spell.  We think – what a smart and brave child to be standing up there in front of all those people, trying so hard to accurately spell.  What I would also encourage you to think about are the many benefits to having your child participate in a spelling bee.  Here are just a few:

1.    It helps to enhance your children’s vocabulary, as they learn more words and become accurate spellers.

2.    It helps children learn better grammar as they not only learn the meaning of new words but also learn to use them properly in sentences.

3.    It helps children to develop poise and confidence.  Being able to stand in front of a group of people, think on your feet, and handle pressure are important skills that take time to develop. 

4.    Since it’s a competition, competitive skills are being developed as well.  Friendships are being built and competition brings excitement.

5.    For those children who do not win, it gives them the opportunity to figure out what they could have done better as well as how to lose gracefully. 

If your child wants to participate in a spelling bee, it is very important that he gets the support he needs both at school and at home.  It takes discipline, diligence and hard work.  And, the rewards are tremendous!

Riddles – Fun & Educational for Your Children

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Riddles are often called brain teasers for a reason.  They help your children to think outside the box and in multi-dimensional ways.   When was the last time that you went over some riddles with your children?  Pick up a book at the library or a bookstore, or go to a website listed below to have some fun time.

I love riddles!  When you are driving with your children or spending time with them in other ways, asking them riddles is a great way to pass the time and help them learn.  After asking the riddle, try not to give the answer right away if your children are struggling to find the answer.  Help them on the journey to find that answer.  For example, here is a good riddle to get your children to think logically:

Q: You walk into a room with a match, a kerosene lamp, a candle, and a fireplace. Which do you light first?
A: The match.

If your children do not get the correct answer right away, ask such questions as: can a candle light itself? Of course, the answer is “no”.  Ask that same question for each of the other items – a kerosene lamp and a fireplace.  The answers would still be “no”.  For any of those 3 items to get “light”, you would have to light the match first. 

Please be warned that there are some very difficult riddles out there and some that do not make much sense.  Review the riddles yourself before asking them to your children.  Is the riddle age appropriate?  Will my child learn from the riddle?

Here are some websites that are filled with interesting and challenging riddles:

• 45 Riddles and Brain Teasers for Kids

• Icebreaker Riddles for Kids

Singing Helps Your Children’s Development

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(Photo of the children’s group Lake Norman Singers)

After recently reading a newspaper article about how singing is beneficial for adults, I thought that it must have many more benefits for children.  I did some research and this week’s blog is about just that.   Children love to sing and singing helps their intellectual and emotional development in many different ways.

The advantages of having children sing are explained: 

1. Singing helps a child improve his vocabulary by learning new words.  Experts say that parents should start from when the child is very young, as singing nursery rhymes and simple songs can be a foundation upon which words are built.

2. For young children, it helps them learn to communicate by exercising lip and tongue movement.

3. It helps develop the “memory muscle” – when your child is learning a song, tunes and words are being embedded in your child’s mind.

4. It helps develop creativity.  Your child can create songs about anything and anyone. Make the words rhyme or not.  There is no limit to what type of song can be written and sung.

5. It helps your child develop self-confidence.  As your child practices a new song with both words and tunes, she will become more confident as she masters it.

6. When your child sings with a group, it helps him to develop better social skills as he will be learning and building friendships at the same time.

The websites listed below give parents and caregivers many tips as to how to encourage singing.  They range from singing before bedtime or just making up songs while you are at home to looking for singing classes or a group in which your children can participate.  Make it fun.  Your children will enjoy themselves and learn at the same time. 

For more information, please visit these websites:

• How Singing Can Support Learning

• Five Benefits of Singing for Children

• https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2011/may/08/singing-children-development-language-skills

Parents - Be Aware of the Dangers of E-Cigarette Use by Youth

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On December 18, 2018, the Surgeon General of the United States Vice Admiral Jerome M. Adams issued a public health advisory on the dangers of e-cigarette use.  He called the use among our youth “an epidemic” and asks all of  us to step up and help protect our children from this major public health threat.

According to the Advisory, e-cigarettes entered the U.S. market in 2007 and since 2014, are the most widely used tobacco product by youth.  In 2018, use grew by 20.8% so that 1 in 5 high school students and 1 in 20 middle school students used e-cigarettes.  These cigarettes come in different shapes, sizes and flavors and have become very attractive to youth, especially with so much effective advertising geared toward the youth.  It is also important to know that, in addition to using various flavors, marijuana is being used in e-cigarettes too.  

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The Surgeon General warned that e-cigarette aerosol can be harmful as it usually has nicotine, which is an addictive drug.  “Nicotine exposure during adolescence can harm the developing brain – which continues to develop until about age 25. Nicotine exposure during adolescence can impact learning, memory, and attention. Using nicotine in adolescence can also increase risk for future addiction to other drugs. In addition to nicotine, the aerosol that users inhale and exhale from e-cigarettes can potentially expose both themselves and bystanders to other harmful substances, including heavy metals, volatile organic compounds, and ultrafine particles that can be inhaled deeply into the lungs.”

He refers to this growing use as a “public health epidemic” and asks us assist in the fight to protect our children.  The Advisory provides helpful information as to what can be done by parents, teachers, health professionals, as well as government entities. 

The Advisory ends with the following: “KNOW THE RISKS. TAKE ACTION. PROTECT OUR KIDS.”

To read the full advisory, CLICK HERE.

For other interesting articles on the dangers of e-cigarettes, visit:

• Power to the Parent

• CDC: Exposure to eCigarette Advertising to Middle and High School Students

• Youth Exposure to Vaping Products

The Importance of Teaching Civics to Our Children

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What are our privileges, rights and duties as citizens in our democracy?  As a Christian, a lawyer and former judge, I believe that children should be taught more about civics so that they grow up with the knowledge of what our democracy entails and actively participate in our government. 

I have heard many judges from all over the United States lament the fact that people do not want to serve on juries.  It is like pulling teeth to have people serve. Yet, jury duty is a very important part of our civic duty.  Did you know that?

In an op-ed dated February 11, 2019 in the LA Times online, retired teacher Sandy Asper wrote about what she believed was the need to teach children not only social studies, but also a separate course about civics – what a good citizen should know and do.  She argued that just teaching children facts, such as when the U. S. Constitution was written and why it was written, is not enough to give them a full understanding of citizenship.   She wrote:

“It is incredibly important that students learn that what they think matters, and how to determine what they think by researching and learning.  It’s critical that they understand the importance of taking action and learning how to do it. It’s crucial to our country that students learn how to communicate; how to write letters, text, call, march, take part in elections, join, organize. In other words, they learn how to become an actual citizen.”

I couldn’t agree more with Ms. Asper’s view.  Moreover, I would add other subjects to teach within civics such as how our government is set up with 3 branches – executive, judicial and legislative - both nationally and locally,  and the important duty of serving on a jury. 

To raise children who are active in their community, we must teach them the importance of what it means to be a citizen.  Only then will we have more participation in what our government does and what it looks like.

Parents Should Monitor the Music Their Children Listen To

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I saw this statement on the internet as I was researching the theme for today’s blog post - parents monitoring their children’s music - and thought it was an interesting perspective to write about to address this topic.  Proverbs 22:6 states that we parents are to, “train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

The subject about offensive music came up recently after a close friend of mine attended an exercise class at a sports facility in a large urban area.  Music videos were shown as part of the exercise experience.  My friend told me that the young instructor bragged about how her mother often attended her classes.  Unfortunately, my friend did not have a good experience - she was not only shocked by the extremely vulgar words in the songs, but also the dance moves in the videos.  Repeated curse words as well as sexually explicit language and dance moves were a part of almost every song.  As it turned out, the instructor’s mother did not attend class that day.   My friend commented that she believed the instructor’s mother would have been highly offended and embarrassed by the music had she been there.  She also questioned whether the instructor would have played these music videos with her mother there and sighed in relief that no men attended the class that day because she said she, as a woman, would have been embarrassed.

There can be no dispute that much of the musical lyrics today is filled with vulgar and sexually explicit language- especially in certain genres.  What should Christian parents do?  Parents must be vigilant, as they play a very important role in deciding what music their children listen to when at home.   I’m a firm believer that when children are in your home, they should abide by your rules.  Of course, teenagers especially will complain about peer pressure and fitting in with their friends.   But, you must set parameters and train up your child as you feel is right and godly.

I don’t believe that any parent would even consider allowing his child to have in the home any literature or videos promoting racism, pornography, or violence against women, for example.  So why would a Christian parent allow his child to have music that is laced with vulgarity and sexual explicitness?  Plain and simple – that type of music should not be accepted.

Talk with your children and explain why you are setting boundaries.  And, importantly, ask them whether they would play that type of music if you were sitting in the car with them or talking with them in their bedroom?  If they believe that a song would be offensive to you as a parent, then it should be offensive to them too!

Be Very Mindful of How You Speak to Your Children – Part 1

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I have always profoundly believed that we parents form the foundation for the way our children view the world and themselves.  Proverbs 18:21 says that the tongue has the power of life and death.  When you speak to your children and about your children, what do you say?

The quote for today’s blog from Peggy O’Mara rings so true to me.  The way we talk to our children does, in fact, become their inner voice.  How else can children know how others view or describe them except by hearing it first from their parents. 

From my own personal experiences growing up as a child, I know that what my parents said about me always resonated in my head.  I was often described by them as being “shy”, “quiet”, and “smart”.  Whenever I was introduced to an adult, my parents would use those three words to say something about me.  I grew up with those words ringing in my head.  Now, as a mother of two sons, I understand the power of any sort of “description” I speak of my sons.   I have tried very hard to only speak positive words.

In my professional career as a judge who presided over many juvenile delinquent and juvenile offender cases, I heard the demeaning words that parents would often speak about their children to me in court, and usually, these juveniles were young men.  As their parents told me derogatory things about them, the young men would just stand with their heads down, ashamed and not knowing what to do.  But, I knew that their parents’ criticism and derogation did not just start then. 

Are you speaking words of encouragement and hope to your children? Even in anger, we parents can lose control and say mean things.  Once these words are said, though, it is hard to forget them.  Develop the habit of pausing before you speak.  This will allow you to gather your thoughts and control your tongue.

I encourage you to talk to your children with positive, supportive words.  Help strengthen their inner voice so they develop faith in themselves and truly love who they are. 

Teach Your Children About Martin Luther King, Jr.

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This Monday January 21 is celebrated as Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, a federal holiday.  As children will be home from school, I encourage parents to spend time teaching their children about this icon of the civil rights movement. 

To assist you, I have searched the internet and can say that there is an abundance of information about him, but I would like to focus on what is available specifically for children.  At the end of this blog is a list of websites where you can find a plethora of information, including books.   PBS.org has a list of 17 excellent children books about him and others involved in the movement, such as Rosa Parks and Ruby Bridges, a 6 year-old heroine who was the first to integrate a New Orleans school back in 1960.  Spend some time with your children going to a book store to purchase a book or to the public library.  Once your child has a book, sit down and talk with him about it.  Ask questions.  This period of time is of such importance in our history.  You may even learn something new!

The Today Show just posted on its website an article about helping children to learn about King.  Depending on your children’s age groups, there are suggestions as to different types of discussions regarding the various people and issues of the time.  Several short videos are also provided on the webpage that share more interesting facts.

Additional recommendations can be found at the website care.com in an informative article about King.  Consider having your children participate in an art project or volunteer activity all about King and the movement.

Writer Erin Dower provides principles to talk about with your children in the online article 8 MLK Jr. Values to Instill in Your Kids.  I like this article because it gives simple yet profound values taken from King’s life and discusses how children can incorporate these values into their own lives. 

There is so much information available about King and the civil rights movement.  Please enjoy a relaxing day off on Monday, but also include time to help your children learn more about him and the immense reforms that came about because of his leadership and dedication.

• PBS - Adventures in Learning

• Today - How to Tell Kids Story of Martin Luther King Jr. Day

• Care - How to Explain MLK Jr. Day to Your Kids

• Family Education - 8 MLK Jr. Values to Instill in Your Kids