Helping Your Children Understand Disabilities

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Picture from friendshipcircle.org

Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. 1 Peter 3:8 ESV

It is of utmost importance that we raise children who are compassionate, empathetic, and loving to others.  One of the ways to do that is teaching them at a young age about persons with disabilities and how to treat them. Many of us have persons with disabilities in our families and there may be children with disabilities at your children’s school.  As Christians, we are especially called to show our love and be tenderhearted. 1 Peter 3:8.

Children are naturally inquisitive and will ask questions.  Here are some suggestions to assist your children:

• It is acceptable to notice a person who has a disability.  Do not ignore the situation but offer an explanation that is not emotional.  Author Lindsay Hutton in her online article Six Tips to Talk to Your Children About Disabilities, suggests the following:

A short and matter-of-fact description will answer your child's questions while showing her that the person has nothing to be ashamed of.

For example, if you see a child with muscular dystrophy in a wheelchair, you can say to your child, ‘I see you looking at that little girl in the wheelchair, and you might be wondering why she needs it. Some people's muscles work a little differently, and her wheelchair helps her move around, just like your legs help you.’

• Words are important, so be respectful and not hurtful.  Ms. Hutton recommends the appropriate words to use: “Avoid using derogatory terms like ‘cripple’, ‘retarded’, or ‘midget’, and instead, use terms and phrases like ‘wheelchair user,’ ‘little person’, and ‘he has a learning disability’.’’

• Point out similarities between all children and adults.  Persons with disabilities are human beings who have feelings, love their families, and enjoy music as well as playing sports.  By emphasizing the similarities, you will help your children to understand that persons with disabilities are people too.

• Children love to ask questions.  If you do not know the answers and the child’s parent is present, consider asking the parent.  Many parents of children with disabilities welcome questions and spend time answering them.

• Ask your children to think about a scenario where they have a particular disability.  How would they like to be treated? For example, if there is a child in your children’s school who has a hearing disability and wears a hearing device, ask your children how they would feel if they could not hear well.  How would they want to be treated? 

There are many children’s books to familiarize your children with disabilities.  Visit the links below for some suggestions. 

For more helpful information, please visit the following:

• Explaining Disability to Children

• 6 Tips to Talk to Your Kids About Disabilities

• Disability Awareness for Kids

Some Important Things for Parents to do to Raise Successful Children

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Dedicate your children to God and point them in the way that they should go, and the values they’ve learned from you will be with them for life.
Proverbs 22:6 (TPT)

During these days of quarantine due to the Coronavirus pandemic, parents are staying home with their children.  With a growing body of information filled with all kinds of recommendations of things that parents should do with their children, how can parents decide on what are the most important?  Although this is a Christian blog, I will concentrate today on what the world of science promotes. 

Here are some of the best recommendations:

1. Read with and to your children.  Importantly, when reading a book, take your time and make it exciting.  Change your voice depending on the characters.  Talk with your children about the plot.  Look at the pictures.  As a children’s author, I know that pictures in a book are very important so don’t just read the book quickly with a monotonous voice and move on.

2. Have them do chores to build a work ethic. Once a task is assigned, monitor them and explain to them how to do it better.  Don’t nag and don’t accept complaints from them.  Make sure that they follow through.

3. Have dinner together regularly as a family.  Studies have shown that children who have dinner with their families have lower substance abuse, depression and pregnancy issues and do better in school.  Children want to be loved and one way to show them love is to spend time together as a family.

4. Limit the use of mobile devices and screen time, especially for younger children.  Too much screen time has been shown to negatively affect children.  Again, it’s important for you to monitor their activities and ensure that they are abiding by the rules.

5. Praise your children properly.  Don’t praise them for their innate abilities – example: “You aced that exam because you are so smart!”  Instead, praise them for their effort – example: “You aced the exam because you really studied hard and put a lot of effort into your work.”  With the former praise example, there is truly nothing they can do about improving as they will think that they are “naturally smart”.  In the latter example, they learn that their success depends on their positive efforts.

For more information, please visit:

• Science Says Parents Should Do These Five Things

• Most Successful Kids Have Parents Who Do This

The Importance of Laughter for Children

  A merry heart does good, like medicine.
Proverbs 17:22 NKJV

Children love to laugh and they laugh readily and energetically.  It has been said that the average 4-year-old laughs 300 times a day!  What I didn’t know was how beneficial a sense of humor and laughter are to children.  As I was researching this topic, I learned about these benefits and hope that you will be motivated to laugh more and encourage your children to develop a good sense of humor.

At the website www.theirworld.org, early childhood development writer Elaine Hunter explains that laughter is a vital part of a child’s development.  For babies and children, laughter becomes a part of how they engage people – their social interaction.  As children grow older, humor allows them to learn to put thoughts together and process language.  As they memorize jokes, their memorization skills improve.

According to clinical psychologist Emma Cintron, “humor and laughter also defines children’s friendship groups. They will bond with children they can laugh with because they all find the same things funny. There are lots of different people in the world and we all laugh at different things.”  Ms. Cintron encourages parents to use humor when talking with children, especially about difficult subjects.  “We can tackle difficult subjects with the use of humor. It’s a healthy parenting aid. When things make us laugh, we are less stressed and deal with things in a more positive way. Humor allows children to see things from a different perspective and to look at the world in a different way.”

Consider incorporating humor more and more in your daily interactions with your children.  They will learn from you and enjoy laughter throughout their days.

To learn more, please click HERE or HERE.

Raising Children Who Are Givers

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Photo from firstbaptistdelavan.com

Hebrews 13:16 is about doing good and sharing.  In fact, the Bible refers to these as sacrifices.   Just what is a sacrifice?  Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the word “sacrifice” as an act of giving up something that you want to keep especially in order to help someone.  What ways can you teach your children to be make sacrifices in order to do good and to share?  Below are some suggestions.

Consider all the myriad toys that your children have.  Donating them to a worthy cause that supports children is “doing good” and “sharing” contemplated in our verse.   What toys have your children outgrown or are not being played with anymore?  Can they be cleaned and donated to other children?  Assist your children in compiling a list of these items and then discuss where they could be donated.  Is there a children’s hospital or clinic in your area?  What about a shelter? Have your children accompany you to make the donation so they can see where their toys will be placed.  It will give them a sense of accomplishment and well-being to be part of the effort to do good and share.

Also consider your children’s outgrown and unused clothing and shoes.  As springtime approaches, what better than to go through closets and drawers, including yours, to select clothing and other items that can be donated.  Please make sure that the items that are being donated are clean and in good condition. 

Donating time and efforts are valuable lessons too.  Is there a park in your community that needs sprucing up?  Consider forming a group of caring parents and children and after getting approval from the appropriate authorities, spend time making the improvements.  These efforts will definitely be sacrifices as children will want to do other “fun” things with their spare time.  But, these are all life lessons.

This list is just some of the things to consider.  The goal is to have children  learn that obeying the Word of God is important and brings honor and glory to Him. 

For additional reading, CLICK HERE.

Teaching Your Children Christian Mindfulness

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There has been a lot of attention on and encouragement for adults to develop mindfulness, especially through yoga and meditation.  There is also a growing movement to teach children about mindfulness.  As Christians, we are called to “rest in the Lord,” meaning that we should spend quiet time with the Lord and trust Him.  This week I wanted to take a look at Christian mindfulness and how you can help your children develop it.

Just what is mindfulness? A simple definition is to be attentive to the present.  Our thoughts race around in our minds throughout the day.  How much are we aware of what is happening now – in the present time?  At the website, christiansimplicity.com, the writer gives a wonderful description of Christian mindfulness: “Because God is part of our everyday lives, paying attention to God and focusing on God’s kingdom is a fundamental practice of Christian mindfulness.”  The writer refers to it as “mindfulness Jesus-style.”  I like that!

Living in the present means that we are to have our hope in God and not dwell on our worries.  We should be at peace with ourselves and our surroundings.

Meditation is a good way to develop mindfulness.   Christiansimplicity.com further recommends using scripture during meditation:

Christian meditation can be as simple as sitting still for ten minutes, breathing easily, and repeating a line of Scripture. Good phrases for this kind of meditation are “Maranatha” and “Be still and know that I am God.” This kind of meditation renews both our minds and our spirits. It provides a centeredness that helps us listen for God. It also trains us over time to release all the distracting thoughts that occur to us during the average day and refocus on what matters.

Children need assistance in dealing with their emotions and worries.  Select appropriate scripture verses that they can easily memorize.  Encourage them to take some time each day to sit quietly and repeat scripture or to just experience the present moment.

To learn more, CLICK HERE.

Teach Your Children Etiquette

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Photo is from The New York Times

Etiquette is so important for our children to learn.  As a parent, you are probably thinking that they spend so much time at school learning various subjects, why should they now be burdened by learning proper etiquette? 

Etiquette is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as “a customary code of polite behavior in society”.  In essence, it means good manners.  We should all strive to teach our children good manners, for their benefit, our benefit, and society’s as well.

There are many excellent online articles about teaching etiquette.   Experts agree that teaching etiquette should start from when the child is young and learning to talk.  Simple words such as “please” and “thank you” should become a part of a child’s early vocabulary. 

But, etiquette is much more than just a few buzz words.  In an online article at townandcountry.com, etiquette expert Myka Meier lists 20 lessons that a child should know:

•The true meaning of etiquette is always to show respect and kindness to everyone around you.

•Use please, thank you, and excuse me every day.

•How to hold your silverware correctly.

•How to properly use a napkin to wipe your mouth.

•How to chew with your mouth closed.

•No elbows on the table.

•Never interrupt an adult when he is speaking to someone else.

•Never comment on someone’s appearance unless it’s to say something nice.

•How to give a compliment to someone else.

•How to write a thank you letter.

•How to help someone in need, particularly if he is less able than you are.

•How to introduce yourself and others properly.

•Be aware of positive body language and how to show it.

•Never call an adult by his first name unless the adult instructs you to do so.

•Always knock on a door before opening it.

•How to answer a phone politely.

•How to make eye contact when speaking to another person.

•Don’t point or stare.

•Always cover your mouth when sneezing or coughing.

•How to invite someone to join a group if they are alone.

To read more, please go to:

https://www.townandcountrymag.com/society/a9641056/etiquette-lessons-children/

https://www.thespruce.com/teaching-your-children-basic-manners-1216584

Should Children Help Clean Their Own Schools?

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Photo provided by Singapore Press Holdings

The fact that children in Japan help to clean their own classrooms and schools is back in the news.  That is nothing new though, as they have been doing so for many years.  It is a tradition called o-soji (cleaning).

According to Fino Menezes, author of the online article Should Children Clean Their Own Schools? Japan Thinks So, Japanese children are better for it.  How? “They are learning to respect their surroundings. They are learning that it’s better not to make a mess if you are the one who has to clean it up.”

Children spend about 20 minutes a day, 4 days a week, and then a longer time at the end of each semester cleaning.  Often, students from higher grades assist students from the lower grades.  As a result, young children are being mentored and older children are teaching younger ones.   The cleaning is done to fun music and the children are happy and smiling doing the tasks.

According to Donald Ash, an American who teaches in Japan, in his website article Huh? Japanese Kids Clean Their Classrooms?!?, he was very surprised to see this tradition in practice.  Coming from the public school system in Georgia, he never cleaned at the school except if it was part of a school club project.  The common thinking was “Let the janitors handle it.” But, once he was a teacher in Japan, he was awe struck by the children so willingly cleaning.  He comments that even the most difficult students gladly cleaned.

At the end of his article Mr. Ash asks: “Do you think it could ever happen at your school (in the US)?”  What do you think?

For more, read: Should Children Clean Their Own Schools? Japan Thinks So, or Japanese Kids Clean Their Classroom? 

Children and Friendship Drama – Should Parents Get Involved?

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It’s back-to-school time with children returning to school.  There will be old friends for them to laugh and talk with and new friendships to build.  Of course, there will be times when there are squabbles.  What do you as a parent do when your child comes to you with a complaint?  You likely remember the times when you were a child and what happened to you.  Perhaps you have upsetting memories of quarrels that you do not want your child to experience.  Some expert advice can help you now that you are a parent to handle these squabbles.

Many experts agree that instead of going immediately to the other child’s parents to lodge a complaint, there are several other actions that you can take.   First, listen to what your child has to say.  Ask questions.  Be empathetic to what your child has experienced. Try to get the full account of what happened.

Second, encourage your child to standup for herself.  After finding out what happened, ask your child “Did you stand up for yourself?”  This does not involve your child saying anything that is rude or derogatory but does involve her not putting up with someone else’s bad behavior.  Try role-playing with your child so that she can learn how to react and respond differently in the future.  You should not be the one fighting your children’s battles for them unless it is necessary.

Third, help your children learn the differences between healthy and unhealthy friendships.  Ture friendships are built on trust and respect.  When a “friend” crosses the line, your child should know what to do. 

Fourth and perhaps most important, be there for your children to talk to.  Let them know that you are always available to talk and help them understand what has happened and not be judgmental.

For more information, please visit these websites below:

• Should We Get Involved in Our Kids’ Friendships?

• Your Child’s Friendship Drama - Do’s and Don’ts for Parents

Help Your Children Build Their Social Skills

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It’s summer and your children should be out meeting new people and working on their social skills.  What can parents do to encourage their children to become more social?  Telling them “Go out and make friends” just doesn’t do it.

I recently came across an article entitled Social Skills Activities for Children and Teens: Evidence-based Games and Exercises by Gwen Dewar Ph. D. at the website below which contains 17 social activities for children that all derive from research.  Dr. Dewar states that “to develop and grow, kids need first-hand experience with turn-taking, self-regulation, teamwork, and perspective-taking.”  She presents many wonderful ideas for activities for your children, from toddlers to teenagers. What I like so much about this article is the amount of research that she references to support the suggested activities.

One of the interesting activities is to help children learn how to read facial expressions better.  People who read expressions well have been found to be more helpful towards others.  Dr. Dewar provides a separate link to another online article on facial expressions and that article delves more deeply into why having children learn to read facial expressions is important in developing their social skills.  There is quite a bit to learn!

Another interesting activity (remember that there are 17 in all!) is to have children read a story with emotional content and then ask the children to talk about it.  Dr. Dewar concludes as follows based on the research: “When kids participate in group conversations about emotion, they reflect on their own experiences, and learn about individual differences in the way people react to the world. And that understanding helps kids develop their ‘mind-reading’ abilities.”  At the same time, children learn about their emotions and the emotions of others.

I suggest that you read the entire article and then select an activity to do as your and your children’s schedules permit.  There is a lot that they can learn and have a fun time as well.  

For more information, please CLICK HERE.

Helping Your Young Teens Find Summer Jobs

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I don’t usually write about issues relating to young teens but thought a blog post about helping them find summer jobs would be informative.  As a teenager, I wanted to work during the summers to earn that extra bit of spending money and I’m sure that like me, your children are eager to do the same.  Of course, you should first check the employment laws of your state to find out the age that your children can start working at an official job and if a work permit is required.  There are full and part-time jobs that your early teens, especially, may be willing to do.

Babysitting is at the top of the list.  I did that a lot during my teenage years – both during the day, when necessary, but mostly in the evenings.  As I babysat for one family, soon other families heard about how good I was and then I was in high demand.  I eventually limited babysitting to one family who used my services frequently. 

If your young teen enjoys being with children and is mature and responsible, consider babysitting.  It is not all fun and games, though, as the safety and well-being of children are involved.  Your child should be prepared for all that may happen, with you as the parent being available as a backup in the event of an emergency.  A great babysitting training course is offered by the Red Cross in many areas, both in person and online.  The link to the course is provided below.  Being a certified Red Cross babysitter will give your child bonus points for prospective employers.

Being a dog walker and pet sitter are also age-appropriate jobs.  Families travel a lot during the summer so they need someone to take care of their pets.  Again, your young teen must like pets. Have your child become familiar with the pet and the pet familiar with him before taking the job.  Make sure that he understands all the feeding and walking instructions before the family leaves.  Also make sure that the route for the walk is safe for the child and the dog.  Your child should not walk the dog in unfamiliar areas.

House sitting is another job that is available in the summer, as families travel.  The duties usually involve watering plants, picking up the mail and packages, mowing the lawn, and keeping an eye out for anything that is happening around the house.

There are many opportunities for your young teen to get out of the house during the summer and earn some money.  Help him network and prepare.  He will benefit tremendously.

Please check out this website for more information on the Red Cross babysitting training course: CLICK HERE

Do You Know That Your Cell Phone Addictions Are Bad for Your Children?

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I have heard adults complain a lot about their children being addicted to electronic devices, from cell phones to iPads to laptops and desktop computers.  Children seem to be constantly occupied by playing video games, or texting, or watching videos.  But, what about parents who are addicted to their cell phones?  Studies have found that parents’ cell phone addictions can be detrimental to their children.

There is a very interesting article online at the website for Psychology Today entitled, Turn Off That Smart Phone, Mom and Dad! It is written by Dona Matthews, Ph.D., a developmental psychologist who has also written several books about children and adolescents.  The article refers to five research studies which establish the damage that parents can do by being distracted on their cell phones and not paying attention to or communicating responsibly with their children. 

• According to study #1, “moms on cellphones have children who are more negative and less resilient.” Children up to 2 years old were studied and researchers found them to be more distressed and less willing to explore their environment when their mothers were using cell phones.

• According to study #2, “children feel unimportant, and have to compete with smartphones for parents’ attention.”  In an international study of 6,000 children ages 8 to 13, researchers found that almost 1/3 felt “unimportant” when their parents were on their cell phones during family times.  Over one-half of the children felt that their parents spent too much time on cell phones.

• According to study #3, “distracted parental attention harms children’s social/emotional development.”  In this study done with rats, researchers found that those rats that were distracted mothers were “less predictable, less reliable, and less attentive (to their pups).”  The pups spent less time playing with others and ate less.  “The researchers concluded that fragmented and chaotic maternal care disrupts brain development, which can lead to emotional disorders later in life: We need predictability and consistency for the emotional system to develop.”  The researchers are expanding their study and findings to include humans.

• According to study #4, “cellphone use interferes with healthy parenting.” Researchers found that “kids whose parents were absorbed in their devices were more likely to act silly or be noisy. Many parents on cell phones were irritable and impatient, which only led to worse behavior.”

• According to study #5, “kids feel sad, mad, angry, and lonely when parents use cellphones.”  This study was conducted on 1,000 children ages 4 to 18.  The researcher concluded that “parents should think twice before picking up a mobile device when they're with their kids. … We are behaving in ways that certainly tell children they don't matter, they're not interesting to us, they're not as compelling as anybody, anything, any ping that may interrupt our time with them.”

This article also has links to many other articles and studies that establish the negative effects of parents’ cell phone use on their children.  The next time you are with your children and decide to answer a call or write a text, please remember that your children need your attention, care and love.  If the cell phone communication is not urgent, do not respond.  Better yet – turn your cell phone off and give your children your undivided attention!

Read the entire article by clicking here.

Be Very Mindful of How You Speak to Your Children – Part 2

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This blog post is part 2 of how we as parents should speak to our children. Part 1 can be found here. I love what this quote from Brooke Hampton says as to how we should speak to them – “as if they are the wisest, kindest, most beautiful and magical humans on earth ….”  And then, based on what we say to them, their belief system in themselves is being created: “what they believe is what they will become.”

Proverbs 23:7 says that “for as he thinks in his heart, so is he.”  A child often believes or thinks what he has been told, whether it is the truth or not.

As parents, we develop in our children what they will think about themselves.  If we notice and react to our children’s faults right away and then criticize or punish them, we are developing in our children the tendency to be critical about themselves.  Make a commitment to change that.  Actively look for what your children are doing right each day and praise them for it.  When the time comes that you will have to deal with something that they did that was unacceptable, the positive words will outweigh the negative ones.

When you are speaking words of kindness, encouragement, and love, make a point of stopping what you are doing and focus on them.  Have them stop what they are doing too.  Get their attention.  After speaking these words, observe what happens to their demeanor.  They will light up!  It’s as if the most important person in the world (well you are to them) truly believed in them. What could be more important?

Ask yourselves: aren’t your children, in fact, the wisest, kindest, most beautiful and magical humans on earth to you?The answer is clearly “yes”.So let’s speak to them as they deserve to be spoken to!

Be Very Mindful of How You Speak to Your Children – Part 1

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I have always profoundly believed that we parents form the foundation for the way our children view the world and themselves.  Proverbs 18:21 says that the tongue has the power of life and death.  When you speak to your children and about your children, what do you say?

The quote for today’s blog from Peggy O’Mara rings so true to me.  The way we talk to our children does, in fact, become their inner voice.  How else can children know how others view or describe them except by hearing it first from their parents. 

From my own personal experiences growing up as a child, I know that what my parents said about me always resonated in my head.  I was often described by them as being “shy”, “quiet”, and “smart”.  Whenever I was introduced to an adult, my parents would use those three words to say something about me.  I grew up with those words ringing in my head.  Now, as a mother of two sons, I understand the power of any sort of “description” I speak of my sons.   I have tried very hard to only speak positive words.

In my professional career as a judge who presided over many juvenile delinquent and juvenile offender cases, I heard the demeaning words that parents would often speak about their children to me in court, and usually, these juveniles were young men.  As their parents told me derogatory things about them, the young men would just stand with their heads down, ashamed and not knowing what to do.  But, I knew that their parents’ criticism and derogation did not just start then. 

Are you speaking words of encouragement and hope to your children? Even in anger, we parents can lose control and say mean things.  Once these words are said, though, it is hard to forget them.  Develop the habit of pausing before you speak.  This will allow you to gather your thoughts and control your tongue.

I encourage you to talk to your children with positive, supportive words.  Help strengthen their inner voice so they develop faith in themselves and truly love who they are. 

Encourage Your Children to be Good Sports and Humble Winners

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Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourself.

                                                                                                Philippians 2:3

I’m a big promoter of children participating in sport activities as there are so many benefits for them.  And, I’m a mother of an athlete: my oldest son played many different sports, including basketball on his high school team and on a Division 1 college team.  Sports, of course, are competitive and typically there will be a winning team and a losing team.  How your children respond is important – whether they are part of the winners or losers.

Children’s attitudes toward sports and winning come, in most part, from their parents.  When you are watching a game on television, what do you say about the competing teams and their players? When you watch your children play a sport, what do you say about the same things?  As a mother who attended her son’s games, I can attest to the fact that many parents are at the sidelines saying  encouraging words to  their children and fellow team members but others make very derogatory statements.  Some verbally attack the referees, calling them all sorts of names, while some criticize the opposing team’s members as well as their parents.  I live in a small community so allegations can run rampant of referees being biased because they have favorite players or teams. 

Be mindful of what you say to your children about their performances and what happened during a game.  Encourage them to analyze what they did to play well and how they can improve their skills.  Discuss how their team can do better as well as what the opposing team did well and vice versa.  Be respectful to them, their teammates, opposing team members, coaches, and referees.  If coaches do not have team members shake the opposing team members’ hands after a game, have your children do that.  It represents respect for the sport as well as the persons who played.

There has been a recent trend to have all children participating in a sports competition be designated as “winners”.  I understand the reasoning behind this, but do not believe that it teaches children about reality.   In life, there will always be winners and losers.  How your children react when being in each group is an important part of their development.

Good sportsmanship must be valued and taught.It is an integral part of being a godly, respectful person.

Should Your Children Do Chores and Be Paid?

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Maintaining a house with children requires that work be done on a daily basis.  The debate continues as to whether our children should be doing household chores and if they do, should they be paid.  I’m a firm believer in children contributing to the household by helping with chores as well as giving them an allowance as some sort of compensation for doing those chores.  What I would like to do in this blog is discuss both sides of the debate and let you come up with your own conclusions – of course, with some bias on my part.

People who take the position that children should not be required to do chores focus their arguments on two main points.  First, they argue that children should enjoy their time during their tender years and be free to play and grow up without a lot of demands being made on them.  Second, they assert that children have homework and other everyday demands on their lives and adding chores on top of their already filled schedules would be too overbearing for them.

On the other hand, people who favor having children do chores argue that chores teach children to be responsible and disciplined, as well as to develop important life skills.  Also, it is argued that children who do chores actively contribute to the household rather than expecting someone else to do things for them.

As I mentioned, I am a proponent of having children do household chores.  They are part of the family unit and as such, benefit from all the fun and good times we have and should also participate in the tasks that need to be done to keep a household functioning well.   Of course, the chores should be age appropriate and parents should encourage children to do them rather than complain and criticize them.  I know that many times that it can be difficult for parents not to nag, especially if you have a recalcitrant or procrastinating child, but there are many helpful articles online that can assist parents in finding solutions to these issues.

If you decide to have your children do chores, should you give your children  allowances or otherwise pay them for doing chores?  Many experts do not believe that young children should be paid because they are not motivated by money.  However, older children are indeed motivated to earn spending money.   Payment for chores is likely to ensure that the chores get done. 

Here are some helpful online articles:

• Chores for Children

• Why I Don’t Make My Kids Do Chores

• Should You Pay Your Kids

Caregiving and Children

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Photo courtesy CNN

November is National Family Caregivers Month.  Many organizations such as AARP have information that is helpful to families who have caregivers.  In this week’s blog, I would like to write about children who are caregivers because oftentimes, we do not consider them as caregivers, even though there are many who are, and we do not consider the impact caregiving can have on them at a young age. 

My late husband was unable to walk for the last six years of his life, due to a stroke and the slow debilitating effects of Parkinson’s disease.   Our two sons assisted me with taking care of him for many years, so I can personally describe the difficulties we endured and how caregiving affected them.   

In the beginning, when my husband first became unable to walk on his own,  we, as a family, had to learn all about how to assist him with his day to day needs.  Of course, the most pressing need was transferring him out of the bed into a wheelchair and then from the wheelchair into a regular chair and then back again.  I relied on my sons to learn from the physical therapists and do this.   It was not easy for them, but they were able to master the transfer process, as they had to do it many times during the day and night.

It was important to me to continue to take my husband out for lunch or dinner and to different events, to keep him active and social.  My sons, of course, were there to assist with whatever we needed. 

My sons observed their father go from a successful businessman and active father, to one who was extremely limited physically due to his health challenges.  Communicating with them about their father’s decline in health was often difficult, as they too were suffering grief.  Their outlets were their friends and playing sports. 

I can honestly say that my taking care of their father was made easier with their love and assistance.  And, their father certainly enjoyed and appreciated their participation.  They showed love and honor to me and their father with their acts of kindness!

To read more about children as caregivers, please click here.

Passing on Good Values

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A friend of mine told me about the non-profit organization Foundation for a Better Life and its website www.passiton.com and I wanted to pass on what I have found and learned.   I believe it will be very helpful to parents and children in learning about and promoting good values.

The Foundation is dedicated to passing on good values in our communities through public service campaigns.  Various means of communicating positive values are used such as through videos, billboards, radio messages, and the internet.  Additionally, if you are looking for an inspirational quote, one page on its website is dedicated to that as well.  No matter how you may be feeling, there is an inspirational quote for you to help brighten your day.

A quote from its website explains its mission: “The goal of The Foundation for a Better Life is to offer inspirational messages to people everywhere as a contribution toward promoting good values, good role models and a better life.”  I can’t tell you enough about how impressed I am with this organization and all that it is doing.  Please spend some time on its website – you will not be disappointed!

Teaching Your Children to Genuinely Apologize

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To “apologize” can be viewed as a sign of weakness.  Often, a child will say “Me apologize! No way!”  Children from a young age think that they can do no wrong and will refuse to admit a mistake.  That’s where our parenting skills come in handy.  We should consider helping our children to understand what an apology is and how to be truly sorry for a wrong.  This is an important part their development and maturity.

In talking to your children about apologizing, please do not yell at them or make them feel embarrassed, fearful or ashamed.  It takes calm heads to address what has happened and that calm head should come from you as a parent.  Experts suggest that a parent wait until the child has calmed down and then talk to them about what has happened.

Talking it out is critical.  Ask questions as to why your child acted in a certain way.  Did he feel jealous?  Did he feel left out or excluded?  As you are trying to find out why your child acted as he did, your child is also thinking about his actions. 

An important part of the discussion should be the other child’s feelings and what could have been done differently.  Ask your child how she would feel if the other child did the same thing to her.   What could she have done to avoid the situation or to prevent the situation from escalating?

Once these topics have been discussed, then you can move on to the apology.   Experts agree that a genuine apology includes understanding that the other person’s feelings should be accepted over your own and that remorse should be shown.  In an online article on the website Today’s Parent entitled Here’s What Works Way Better Than Forcing Your Kid To Say Sorry, a former elementary school teacher states that she focuses on three parts of the apology to guide students: “I’m sorry for this … this is wrong because … and in the future I will ….”   I think this is wonderful advice because it covers all aspects of an apology. 

To read the entire article, please visit the website by clicking here.

Gaining Respect by Displaying Exemplary Behavior

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The idea of respecting parents and other elders is practically engraved into the minds of all children everywhere from a very young age.  It is certainly important that they know to respect those around them, but it can be hard to put into practice when they are not being shown the respect they too deserve. Yes, deserve! Just as adults deserve politeness and deference, so do children.  Respecting children not only shows them how to treat other people, but it also increases their confidence and self-esteem.

Respect should be given out of love and not just as a result of an adult’s power. Punishments or bribes should never be the driving force behind obtaining your children’s respect.  Each person has value, whether young or old, and respect should be extended in recognition of that value.  Children deserve as much respect as adults because they are valued in the eyes of God.

1 Timothy 4:12 speaks of a message given to Timothy from his mentor, the Apostle Paul.  It was about setting an example for those around him by his maturity of speech, conduct, love, faith and purity. Timothy was a young church leader at the time and his youth may have caused some in the church to deem him imprudent.  That is why this message was so significant.  While we cannot be completely clear as to what these people thought of Timothy, we do know that it was important for him to understand how God had called him to present himself as a dedicated follower of Christ and a leader.

Though children and adults alike should regard one another with esteem, this verse discusses certain attributes to be found in young people that build respect:

• Children are to speak positive words into the lives of others, praise God, and express gratitude for their blessings. That positivity should also extend into their actions.  Negative or curse words do not bring glory to God or establish that the person speaking them is mature.

• Volunteering for church events and following through on commitments are examples of the conduct of an exemplary child.

• The described ‘purity’ extends to spiritual purity as well as physical. Do they mean well in all their actions? Is their faith in God strong? The answer to these (and similar) questions should be “yes”.

Just as Paul advised his protégé Timothy, God wants the same from your children. He wants them to know that regardless of their age, they are worthy of respect.  Importantly, they are to carry themselves in a way that is pleasing unto Him and as they do so, they will gain more and more respect from those around them.

Helping Your Children Find Hobbies and Sticking with Them

Do your children have any hobbies?  A hobby is something that is done during their free time for fun and pleasure.  I hope that you did not answer that question with “Yes-they play video games”!  The absolutely last thing we should want our children to be doing during their free time is sitting and playing video games for hours on end.  

According to child development experts, hobbies are important for children for many reasons.  Hobbies help your children to develop creativity.  Is your child artistic?  Then, encourage him to draw and paint.  Several brand stores have huge sections devoted to art supplies.  Does your child enjoy taking photos with your cell phone?  Encourage her to continue to take photos and learn more about that art form.  There are many books that teach about how to take photos and to be very creative in doing so.  If her interest continues, consider purchasing a camera for her.  You can even show some of her photographs to her teacher and ask for suggestions of a club that she can join with like-minded persons.

Hobbies also can help develop skills that may lead to lucrative careers in the future.  If your child enjoys writing stories, help her to learn more about being an author and structuring her work.  It may be that you have a budding Pulitzer prize winner on your hands!

Hobbies further help children with developing intelligence.  For example, by sitting and putting together a jigsaw puzzle, your child will learn how to associate shapes with images as well as patience.  If your child enjoys reading, books will provide challenges to learn new words.  When your child encounters a new word, encourage him to write it down, find its meaning, and then use it in a sentence.  Review the word again with him each day for a few days to make sure that he continues to remember it. 

Lastly, hobbies give children a sense of accomplishment.  They have undertaken a fun task, stayed with it, and completed it.  Do all you can to have your children complete a hobby that they started.  The results can truly be amazing for them and you!

There are so many hobbies to consider.  One of the growing categories is rocketry.  Think about all the science involved with propelling a rocket.  Your children will be learning as well as having a fun time.

Please do not overburden your children with hobbies though. As I have written in prior blogs, your children need to spend time with you and other family members.  Adding too many activities to their schedule, especially during the school year can cause unnecessary pressures on them.

The list of hobbies is almost endless.  Don’t allow your children to waste their free time.  Hobbies will definitely allow them to continue growing and learning.