Teaching Your Children to Genuinely Apologize

To “apologize” can be viewed as a sign of weakness. Often, a child will say “Me apologize! No way!” Children from a young age think that they can do no wrong and will refuse to admit a mistake. That’s where our parenting skills come in handy. We should consider helping our children to understand what an apology is and how to be truly sorry for a wrong. This is an important part their development and maturity.

In talking to your children about apologizing, please do not yell at them or make them feel embarrassed, fearful or ashamed. It takes calm heads to address what has happened and that calm head should come from you as a parent. Experts suggest that a parent wait until the child has calmed down and then talk to them about what has happened.

Talking it out is critical. Ask questions as to why your child acted in a certain way. Did he feel jealous? Did he feel left out or excluded? As you are trying to find out why your child acted as he did, your child is also thinking about his actions.

An important part of the discussion should be the other child’s feelings and what could have been done differently. Ask your child how she would feel if the other child did the same thing to her. What could she have done to avoid the situation or to prevent the situation from escalating?

Once these topics have been discussed, then you can move on to the apology. Experts agree that a genuine apology includes understanding that the other person’s feelings should be accepted over your own and that remorse should be shown. In an online article on the website Today’s Parent entitled Here’s What Works Way Better Than Forcing Your Kid To Say Sorry, a former elementary school teacher states that she focuses on three parts of the apology to guide students: “I’m sorry for this … this is wrong because … and in the future I will ….” I think this is wonderful advice because it covers all aspects of an apology.

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“In everything, treat others the same way you want them to treat you, for this is [the essence of] the Law and the [writings of the] Prophets.” Matthew 7:12

The subject of good manners is not discussed as much as it should be. As Christians, this Bible verse establishes the basis for good manners. Essentially, good manners are built on the foundation that you treat others the same way as you would want to be treated and are an expression of love from the heart. According to Proverbs 22:6, parents have a Biblical duty to teach and train their children: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."

As a parent, what can you do to help your children learn good manners. First, children need good role models to emulate. Do you as the parent exhibit good manners? You can’t demand that your children say “thank you” and “please” if you don’t.

Second, in teaching good manners, start with a few basics such as “thank you” and “please” and “excuse me” and “sorry”. Don’t make it complicated. Notice when your children are using good manners, and praise them for it. Once these basics are mastered, move on to other words and actions. Before you know it, you and your children are on the way to becoming the best mannered people in your neighborhood.