There is no Such Thing as a Humanly Perfect Child

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        Do you find yourself saying such things as “I wish my son had a more outgoing personality” or “I want my daughter to be the smartest student in her class” or “My son should be the best soccer player on his team”?  I believe our desires can be misplaced as we look for human perfection in our children.  Let us strive to raise children who love God and whose core fundamental beliefs are centered on God’s view of them rather than our own.

            In Matthew 22:37-38, Jesus instructs us on the “greatest” or most important commandment: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.”

 We are misplacing the emphasis if we stress exceptional outward behavior or physical attributes as God wants us to love Him.  Moreover, God does not look at our outward appearance, but above all else, He always looks at our hearts. 1 Samuel 16:7. Our hearts are the core of who we are and what we believe.  Proverbs 4:23 states: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (NIV).

The Bible is filled with verses that tell us how much God loves us and how we are special, precious and unique to Him.  These verses apply equally to adults and children.  Here are a few to discuss with your children and help them to memorize:

1.     Our children are God’s workmanship who have been created in Christ Jesus for good works. Ephesians 2:10.

2.     They are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139. 

3.     They are the salt of the world. Matthew 5:13.

4.     They are the light of the world. Matthew 5:14.

God is looking for people who love Him and know how much He loves them.  Help your children to understand this from young!

Are Too Many Rewards Hurting Rather Than Helping Your Children?

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Illustration by Natalie Matthews-Ramo

        As a parent raising two sons, I used rewards to help motivate them to do I what I believe needed to be done.    I reasoned at the time that rewards were proper means to an end.  The “rewards” system did not always work and in some instances, turned out to be more of problem than an effective solution or inducement.  As I have matured as a parent and seen parents give, in my opinion, too many rewards, I wonder whether we have misused and abused the “rewards” system.  I would like to share with you what John Rosemond, the “Parent Guru”, and author, psychologist and parent educator Robin Grille have to say on this subject, which I find to be very enlightening.

         Mr. Rosemond responded to a question posed to him about giving a child “prizes” or rewards just to have the child obey a parent’s request, in this case, to dress nicely to attend church and stop whining and moping about it.  He stated:

It should go without saying (but it seems that when it comes to child rearing, nothing goes without saying these days) that children should be taught do the right thing — in this case, obedience to parental instructions — simply because it is the right thing to do. Another way of saying the same thing: Children need to learn that good behavior is its own reward.

          He further talks about the short-term achievements that rewards give and get, and that researchers are finding that rewards are not good for the long-term.  In the online article Rewards and Praise – The Poisoned Carrot, Ms. Grille reached a similar conclusion:

Rewards work well for getting children to do something that they don't naturally want to do, for the short-term only. This immediate behavior change rewards us, and keeps us addicted to rewarding. The negative consequences of rewards and praise don't materialize until later, so we fail to recognize rewards and praise as the culprit.

          Another important point made by Ms. Grille is that many children learn how to manipulate and become “superficially compliant”, doing just what it takes to get the reward and often honesty suffers.  With my sons, I learned that I could not just ask them “to clean their rooms” for their rewards but had to be specific about what needed to be done.  Exactly what is meant by “clean”? Often, they would do minimal work and then expect a reward.  If none was forthcoming, complaints and arguments ensued. 

I agree with many of Mr. Rosemond’s and Ms. Grille’s conclusions and if I had to do it over again, would not give rewards as often as I did for certain things.  But, as a parent, it is up to you to decide what is best. 

To read the entire articles and more on the subject, please visit the following:

https://lacrossetribune.com/lifestyles/relationships-and-special-occasions/john-rosemond-children-need-to-learn-that-good-behavior-is-its-own-reward/article_b456455c-6921-50d1-ac43-1dc2e066f67d.html

https://www.naturalchild.org/articles/robin_grille/rewards_praise.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brain-trust/201604/heres-how-rewarding-good-behavior-leads-bad-behavior

Helping Your Children Understand Disabilities

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Picture from friendshipcircle.org

Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. 1 Peter 3:8 ESV

It is of utmost importance that we raise children who are compassionate, empathetic, and loving to others.  One of the ways to do that is teaching them at a young age about persons with disabilities and how to treat them. Many of us have persons with disabilities in our families and there may be children with disabilities at your children’s school.  As Christians, we are especially called to show our love and be tenderhearted. 1 Peter 3:8.

Children are naturally inquisitive and will ask questions.  Here are some suggestions to assist your children:

• It is acceptable to notice a person who has a disability.  Do not ignore the situation but offer an explanation that is not emotional.  Author Lindsay Hutton in her online article Six Tips to Talk to Your Children About Disabilities, suggests the following:

A short and matter-of-fact description will answer your child's questions while showing her that the person has nothing to be ashamed of.

For example, if you see a child with muscular dystrophy in a wheelchair, you can say to your child, ‘I see you looking at that little girl in the wheelchair, and you might be wondering why she needs it. Some people's muscles work a little differently, and her wheelchair helps her move around, just like your legs help you.’

• Words are important, so be respectful and not hurtful.  Ms. Hutton recommends the appropriate words to use: “Avoid using derogatory terms like ‘cripple’, ‘retarded’, or ‘midget’, and instead, use terms and phrases like ‘wheelchair user,’ ‘little person’, and ‘he has a learning disability’.’’

• Point out similarities between all children and adults.  Persons with disabilities are human beings who have feelings, love their families, and enjoy music as well as playing sports.  By emphasizing the similarities, you will help your children to understand that persons with disabilities are people too.

• Children love to ask questions.  If you do not know the answers and the child’s parent is present, consider asking the parent.  Many parents of children with disabilities welcome questions and spend time answering them.

• Ask your children to think about a scenario where they have a particular disability.  How would they like to be treated? For example, if there is a child in your children’s school who has a hearing disability and wears a hearing device, ask your children how they would feel if they could not hear well.  How would they want to be treated? 

There are many children’s books to familiarize your children with disabilities.  Visit the links below for some suggestions. 

For more helpful information, please visit the following:

• Explaining Disability to Children

• 6 Tips to Talk to Your Kids About Disabilities

• Disability Awareness for Kids

Celebrating the Importance of Families on International Family Day on May 15

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The importance of the family unit is celebrated all over the world.  In fact, the United Nations passed a resolution in 1993 establishing the International Day of Families as an annual recognition of the paramount importance of families.  The resolution provided, in part, the following:

“This annual observance reflects the importance which the international community attaches to families as basic units of society as well as its concern regarding their situation around the world. The International Day of Families provides an opportunity to promote awareness of issues relating to families as well as to promote appropriate action.  The Day can become a powerful mobilizing factor on behalf of families in all countries, which avail themselves of this opportunity and demonstrate support of family issues appropriate to each society.”

For Christians, the family unit plays a vital role both physically and spiritually.  We have a physical, earthly family with parents and siblings and other members.  And, when we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we become members of the spiritual family of God our Father as we are all brothers and sisters in Christ. (Romans 8:15; Galatians 3:26-29).   From the Old Testament to the New Testament, God’s Word expresses the importance of family, from children honoring and obeying their parents and parents not provoking their children; the sanctity of marriage; the prohibition against adultery; and the disdain of divorce. 

The links below have some activities for families for this day.  Note that they are secular web pages but some of the ideas are worthwhile to do, especially after the COVID-19 quarantines are over.  

For more information, please visit:

• National Today - International Family Day

• International Event Day - Family Day

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Celebrate with As the Stars of the Sky

We would love to celebrate this day with your family! Our top reads or suggestions can be found below:

Celebrate International Jazz Day on April 30

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I have written before about all the numerous benefits music has on children.  International Jazz Day is celebrated on April 30 and is a wonderful opportunity to introduce your children to the world of jazz music.

What is jazz music?  According to Scholastic’s Teacher Activity Guide on Culture & Change-Black History in America, it is purely an American invention which started from blues music:

Born in the South, the blues is an African American-derived music form that recognized the pain of lost love and injustice and gave expression to the victory of outlasting a broken heart and facing down adversity. The blues evolved from hymns, work songs, and field hollers — music used to accompany spiritual, work and social functions. Blues is the foundation of jazz as well as the prime source of rhythm and blues, rock 'n' roll, and country music. The blues is still evolving and is still widely played today.

One of the most distinguishing features of jazz is what is known as improvisation.  Musicians not only play from music sheets but also create their own impromptu solo performances right on the spot.  It takes great talent to do this.

Jazz music continued to expand and grow over the years into what is known as “swing music” for dancing and then into what is known as “bepop music” in the 1940s:

In the early 1940s, jazz musicians were looking for new directions to explore. A new style of jazz was born, called bebop, had fast tempos, intricate melodies, and complex harmonies. Bebop was considered jazz for intellectuals. No longer were there huge big bands, but smaller groups that did not play for dancing audiences but for listening audiences.

The variety of jazz music is impressive, from blues to swing to bepop to Latin and Afro-Cuban jazz in more recent years.  It involves large bands or small groups or even soloist performances.  

The United Nations Educational, Scientific & Cultural Organization (UNESCO) established International Jazz Day in 2011 to recognize and promote the importance of jazz and uniting people all over the world.  Herbie Hancock, legendary jazz pianist and composer, has played a vital part in developing and promoting the day.  He said the following:

When a human being is oppressed, the natural tendency is to feel anger. Jazz is a response to oppression that is not bullets and blood. Jazz is the expression of harmony ... and at the same time of hope and freedom.

Plan some at-home lessons about jazz.  There are many famous jazz artists about whom your children can read and learn, including Louis Armstrong, Duke Ellington, Ella Fitzgerald and Dizzy Gillespie.

For more information, please visit:

• Jazz Day

• Scholastic - History of Jazz

• Smithsonian - What is Jazz?

Some Important Things for Parents to do to Raise Successful Children

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Dedicate your children to God and point them in the way that they should go, and the values they’ve learned from you will be with them for life.
Proverbs 22:6 (TPT)

During these days of quarantine due to the Coronavirus pandemic, parents are staying home with their children.  With a growing body of information filled with all kinds of recommendations of things that parents should do with their children, how can parents decide on what are the most important?  Although this is a Christian blog, I will concentrate today on what the world of science promotes. 

Here are some of the best recommendations:

1. Read with and to your children.  Importantly, when reading a book, take your time and make it exciting.  Change your voice depending on the characters.  Talk with your children about the plot.  Look at the pictures.  As a children’s author, I know that pictures in a book are very important so don’t just read the book quickly with a monotonous voice and move on.

2. Have them do chores to build a work ethic. Once a task is assigned, monitor them and explain to them how to do it better.  Don’t nag and don’t accept complaints from them.  Make sure that they follow through.

3. Have dinner together regularly as a family.  Studies have shown that children who have dinner with their families have lower substance abuse, depression and pregnancy issues and do better in school.  Children want to be loved and one way to show them love is to spend time together as a family.

4. Limit the use of mobile devices and screen time, especially for younger children.  Too much screen time has been shown to negatively affect children.  Again, it’s important for you to monitor their activities and ensure that they are abiding by the rules.

5. Praise your children properly.  Don’t praise them for their innate abilities – example: “You aced that exam because you are so smart!”  Instead, praise them for their effort – example: “You aced the exam because you really studied hard and put a lot of effort into your work.”  With the former praise example, there is truly nothing they can do about improving as they will think that they are “naturally smart”.  In the latter example, they learn that their success depends on their positive efforts.

For more information, please visit:

• Science Says Parents Should Do These Five Things

• Most Successful Kids Have Parents Who Do This

A Christian’s Perspective of Talking to Your Children About the Coronavirus

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of sound judgment and personal discipline [abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind and self-control].

2 Tim. 1:7 AMP

Picture from www.thedadsnet.com

We are all experiencing the quarantines resulting from the Coronavirus or COVID-19.  There is so much news about it, much of which is inaccurate and just scary.  Your children are out of school and concerned about what is happening.  For Christian parents, it is very important to use information being provided by experts and lace it with pertinent Bible verses.  Here is some information to help explain in a comprehendible way about this virus to alleviate fears and anxieties.  I rely on several excellent online articles and hope you read them in their entirety for further information.

Experts say, first and foremost, do the research and allay your own anxieties.  By doing so, you will prepare yourself with all the facts, not fiction or false assumptions.  Speak calmly, armed with your research material.  Start the discussion with asking your children what they have heard.  So much erroneous information is on social media, so be prepared that your children have heard many frightening things that are totally wrong.

Gear your talk to the developmental age of your youngest child, as by doing so, even your older children will understand.  When the older child asks questions, you can also provide age appropriate answers.  Alternatively, you can break the children up into age groups.

Explain what should be done as a daily routine and enforce it.  Do demonstrations.  Properly washing hands, for example, is critical.  Demonstrate how they wash their hands.  Not touching friends’ hands is also very important – show them how to bump elbows instead. 

Focus on being hopeful and confident, not fearful. Share Bible verses, as the one in today’s blog and Psalm 91, to establish that God does not want us to have fear, but to put our trust and confidence in Him and His protection.  As Christians, we must be the vessels of faith, courage and truth during this time of turmoil. We are the light of the world! (John 8:12)

National Public Radio created a comic book type story for children to better understand the virus.  That comic book is now being used with children all over the world, translated into many different languages, and even a short video was created.  This is a very helpful tool for children to learn more.

To learn more, please go to:

• Kids Health

• ChildMind.org

• NPR Just for Kids - A Comic Exploring Coronavirus

Opening a Savings Account for Your Child

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Saving money is encouraged in the Bible. There are many scripture verses that establish that God wants us to be wise with our money and prepared for what may happen in the future.  Assisting your children to save money by opening savings accounts is a good start.

First, start with the scripture foundation for the principle of saving money.  Proverbs 6:6-11 talks about the hard-working ant. The Bible says “consider her ways and be wise”.  She diligently works all summer to gather food for the winter and has plenty when she needs it.  She is not a “sluggard” or a “lazybone” (NLT version), waiting for something else to do the hard work and provide food for her when she needs it.  Another important verse is Proverbs 21:5 – “Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity, but hasty shortcuts lead to poverty.” (NLT) Planning for the future is critical so that you will have money enough to provide for your needs and any emergency that may pop up.   Proverbs 21:20 talks about a rich man having precious things - wealth and luxury - while “fools spend whatever they get.” (NLT)

Second, do your homework before opening a savings account.  Research the process and what factors you should consider. There is an excellent online article (website below) entitled 7 Things to Consider Before Opening a Kids Savings Account.  It is important to understand all that is involved, including legal requirements that must be met, as well as bank fees that may be charged.

The best teacher from whom a child can learn to save money is you – the parent.  Raise a wise person, not a sluggard or lazybone!

To learn more, please CLICK HERE.

Teaching Your Children Christian Mindfulness

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There has been a lot of attention on and encouragement for adults to develop mindfulness, especially through yoga and meditation.  There is also a growing movement to teach children about mindfulness.  As Christians, we are called to “rest in the Lord,” meaning that we should spend quiet time with the Lord and trust Him.  This week I wanted to take a look at Christian mindfulness and how you can help your children develop it.

Just what is mindfulness? A simple definition is to be attentive to the present.  Our thoughts race around in our minds throughout the day.  How much are we aware of what is happening now – in the present time?  At the website, christiansimplicity.com, the writer gives a wonderful description of Christian mindfulness: “Because God is part of our everyday lives, paying attention to God and focusing on God’s kingdom is a fundamental practice of Christian mindfulness.”  The writer refers to it as “mindfulness Jesus-style.”  I like that!

Living in the present means that we are to have our hope in God and not dwell on our worries.  We should be at peace with ourselves and our surroundings.

Meditation is a good way to develop mindfulness.   Christiansimplicity.com further recommends using scripture during meditation:

Christian meditation can be as simple as sitting still for ten minutes, breathing easily, and repeating a line of Scripture. Good phrases for this kind of meditation are “Maranatha” and “Be still and know that I am God.” This kind of meditation renews both our minds and our spirits. It provides a centeredness that helps us listen for God. It also trains us over time to release all the distracting thoughts that occur to us during the average day and refocus on what matters.

Children need assistance in dealing with their emotions and worries.  Select appropriate scripture verses that they can easily memorize.  Encourage them to take some time each day to sit quietly and repeat scripture or to just experience the present moment.

To learn more, CLICK HERE.

The Effect of Technology on Your Children’s Eyes

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image from Slate.com

More and more, parents are giving their children access to cell phones, iPads, laptops and other technology. Many children spend hours on these devices.  Think about it - do your children’s use of these devices actually affect their eyesight?

The answer is a resounding “yes,” according to Dr. Gary Heiting in his online article Children and Technology: Protecting Your Child’s Eyes.  He discusses some the vision-related problems that your child can develop:

• Computer vision syndrome – Also known as digital eye strain, it is caused by visual stress resulting from too much screen time.  Symptoms include headache, dry eyes, fatigue, tired eyes and fluctuating vision.

• Nearsightedness – Eye doctors have seen an increase of nearsightedness and attribute it to the increasing use of computer screens.

• Increased exposure to blue light – This light is emitted from LED screens on laptops and digital devices.  Eye doctors are concerned that too much exposure will cause eye diseases later in life.

• Unhealthy posture – When using technology, children often sit slouched in a position known as “turtling” – rounded shoulders and back with the head tilted back and chin jutted forward.  This is an unhealthy position.

It is important to monitor your children’s use of these devices.  Have them take breaks to give their eyes and posture a break.  Encourage media-free time, including play time and family time.  Their eyes are developing so they need to have large amounts of time away from these electronic devices.

For more information, CLICK HERE.

Helping Your Children with Fear of the Dentist

Last week, I wrote about helping your children with handling their fears.  One fear that must have a blog post of its own is going to the dentist.  Your children’s teeth should be regularly checked, but what can you do to make the visit easier on them?  Here are a few ideas from dentists themselves:

1. Find a child-friendly dentist.  Look for a waiting room that has an area for children to play.  Enquire as to how they deal with children who are afraid.

2. Communicate with your children.  Let them know that they will be visiting the dentist, so they are prepared.  Do not surprise them. 

3. Explain to them the importance of having their teeth checked regularly by a professional. 

4. Speak with your dentist about your children’s phobia ahead of time.  A dentist experiences this fear frequently and should have many good suggestions for you.

5. Take a favorite toy to the visit, if the dentist approves.

6. Speak with your children during the visit in a calm voice to reassure them that you are there for them.

7. Give positive feedback to encourage them to continue with good behavior.

It’s difficult for parents to observe their children suffering with fears.  Being patient and understanding are key.

For more information, please CLICK HERE.

Is One of Your New Year’s Resolutions Spending More Time in the Word?

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When I saw this a couple of months ago, I was truly convicted.   How do you feel about this?  Can you spend more time in the Bible rather on an electronic device or social media? It’s actually a two-prong approach – cut back on what can be simply busyness and concentrate on what really provides nourishment and direction for us as Christians.

My cell phone provides me with a calculation each week about how much screen time I have spent.  After reading this, I tried really hard to cut back on using it and I was amazingly successful.  I have to keep it up though and not let one month’s reduction in usage be just that.

Concomitantly, I didn’t fill the void by watching tv or with other frivolity.  I made a commitment to spend more time with the Bible - reading and meditating on God’s Word.  What makes studying the Word so wonderful is that it is living and active and powerful.  Hebrews 4:12. There is never a dull moment.  Verses that I have known and memorized for years can have new, fresh meanings and application to me as I renew my study.     

As you spend less time on the phone and on social media, you will inevitably have more time to seek direction from the Lord and be there for your loved ones.  In my opinion, there is not a better way to spend your time!

Heavy Backpacks Can Cause Back Pain

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Have you looked at your children’s backpacks lately?  How large and heavy are they? I have seen so many children walking hunched over while carrying heavy backpacks. All this weight on a child’s spine is not good.

In an online article entitled Backpacks and Back Pain in Children, Dr. John Triano describes what can happen to a child’s spine.  Carrying a heavy backpack can cause the following:

• Distort the natural curves in the middle and lower backs, causing muscle strain and irritation to the spine joints and the rib cage. If the backpack is carried on one shoulder, the spine leans to the opposite side.

• Lead to rounding of the shoulders

• Cause a person to lean forward, reducing balance and making it easier to fall

• Pull on the neck muscles, contributing to headache, shoulder pain, lower back pain, and/or neck and arm pain.

Some researchers suggest that the weight of the backpack should be limited to 10%-15% of the child’s body weight.  Also recommended is using a separate bag for the child's laptop or other heavier electronic items.

Dr. Triano suggests that parents select backpacks with the following:

• Lightweight material (canvas as opposed to leather)

• Two padded, wide (2-inches), adjustable shoulder straps on the backpack

• Padded back

• Individualized compartments

• Hip strap, waist belt, or frame to redistribute the weight of the backpack from the shoulders and back to the pelvis

• Wheels so that the backpack can be pulled rather than carried.

Be sure to monitor what your children put in their backpacks.  Often, they just continue to stuff things inside without cleaning them out and organizing them.  This leads to them carrying a lot of unnecessary items.

To learn more, please read the entire article by clicking here.

Parental Involvement is Key to Your Children’s Development & Successes

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How involved are you in all aspects of your children’s lives?  I have written quite a bit about parents being involved with their children as much as possible. Experts have long concluded that a key ingredient for your children’s development and future successes is your involvement!

What does “involvement” mean? Your active participation!  It includes talking with them, asking questions, and actively listening.  Put your cell phone aside and strike up a conversation.  It means spending time with them such as playing games and attending their functions, no matter how trivial these games and functions may appear to you.  It means attending parent-teacher meetings and developing a relationship with their teachers to make sure you know how your children are progressing in school.

Especially during the holiday season, there are usually a number of activities to attend with your children.  Try your best to attend all that you can.  And, please do not promise your children that you will attend an event and then make up an excuse for not, in fact, attending.

When should parental involvement start?  As soon as your child is born!  From holding your children in your arms, to talking to them, to reading to them – those are just a few examples.

There are many stages to your children’s development and you should be an active participant in all of them. If you haven’t made an absolute commitment to them, consider doing it now.   They are more than worth it!

To read more, please visit:

• Child Development Info

• The Role of Parents

• Why Parental Involvement is Important

• The Importance of Parental Involvement in Your Child’s Education

Overcoming Hectic School Mornings

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All parents have suffered through those hectic school mornings.  Getting ourselves and our children ready on time is often challenging.  Here are some pointers adopted by successful parents to overcome those chaotic times.

Get enough sleep the night before.  Your children should have a regular routine for going to bed at night with that routine including a regular time to get to bed and praying together.  There should not be any exceptions on a school night.  Children need adequate sleep and if they are not getting it, their performance at home and in school will show it.

Prepare, prepare, prepare the night before.  Preparation is the key to a smooth sailing morning.  Consider all the tasks that need to be done in the morning and prepare the night before for them so that they can be accomplished easily that morning.  Remember to get your children involved in all the preparations so that they learn what needs to be done and can take over when they are able to.  Select your children’s clothing.  If they take a lunch to school, prepare their lunches that night or at least double check to make sure you have all the ingredients.  Pack the lunch kits when possible.  Have their bookbags ready with the completed homework and anything else that they will need the next day. Make sure to double check whether they need any materials for school – such as pencils or notebooks.  All those can be packed that night as well. Don’t forget about their breakfasts.  Prepare ahead of time to ensure that that they have healthy food to eat. 

Have a checklist, just in case.  I’m a person who loves checklists but they have to be manageable.   Having a short list for each child to do will help you (and them) to better prepare. 

Wake up before your children.  You, as a parent, have important tasks that you need to get done in the morning too, including having some quiet time to pray.  It is best that your tasks are completed (or almost completed) before you take on helping your children to get ready.  Waking up before your children will give you the ability to do what you need to do and be ready when they get up.  When they do wake up, pray with them to help them start the day with a thankful heart and direction.

Organize your home. Everything needs its place in your home.  Lunch kits in one area, school related items in another area, etc., etc. Being organized will help you and your children get prepared quickly and efficiently.

For more information, please read:

• Morning Routine for Kids

• School Mornings Without the Stress

Riddles – Fun & Educational for Your Children

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Riddles are often called brain teasers for a reason.  They help your children to think outside the box and in multi-dimensional ways.   When was the last time that you went over some riddles with your children?  Pick up a book at the library or a bookstore, or go to a website listed below to have some fun time.

I love riddles!  When you are driving with your children or spending time with them in other ways, asking them riddles is a great way to pass the time and help them learn.  After asking the riddle, try not to give the answer right away if your children are struggling to find the answer.  Help them on the journey to find that answer.  For example, here is a good riddle to get your children to think logically:

Q: You walk into a room with a match, a kerosene lamp, a candle, and a fireplace. Which do you light first?
A: The match.

If your children do not get the correct answer right away, ask such questions as: can a candle light itself? Of course, the answer is “no”.  Ask that same question for each of the other items – a kerosene lamp and a fireplace.  The answers would still be “no”.  For any of those 3 items to get “light”, you would have to light the match first. 

Please be warned that there are some very difficult riddles out there and some that do not make much sense.  Review the riddles yourself before asking them to your children.  Is the riddle age appropriate?  Will my child learn from the riddle?

Here are some websites that are filled with interesting and challenging riddles:

• 45 Riddles and Brain Teasers for Kids

• Icebreaker Riddles for Kids

Singing Helps Your Children’s Development

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(Photo of the children’s group Lake Norman Singers)

After recently reading a newspaper article about how singing is beneficial for adults, I thought that it must have many more benefits for children.  I did some research and this week’s blog is about just that.   Children love to sing and singing helps their intellectual and emotional development in many different ways.

The advantages of having children sing are explained: 

1. Singing helps a child improve his vocabulary by learning new words.  Experts say that parents should start from when the child is very young, as singing nursery rhymes and simple songs can be a foundation upon which words are built.

2. For young children, it helps them learn to communicate by exercising lip and tongue movement.

3. It helps develop the “memory muscle” – when your child is learning a song, tunes and words are being embedded in your child’s mind.

4. It helps develop creativity.  Your child can create songs about anything and anyone. Make the words rhyme or not.  There is no limit to what type of song can be written and sung.

5. It helps your child develop self-confidence.  As your child practices a new song with both words and tunes, she will become more confident as she masters it.

6. When your child sings with a group, it helps him to develop better social skills as he will be learning and building friendships at the same time.

The websites listed below give parents and caregivers many tips as to how to encourage singing.  They range from singing before bedtime or just making up songs while you are at home to looking for singing classes or a group in which your children can participate.  Make it fun.  Your children will enjoy themselves and learn at the same time. 

For more information, please visit these websites:

• How Singing Can Support Learning

• Five Benefits of Singing for Children

• https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2011/may/08/singing-children-development-language-skills

Parents - Be Aware of the Dangers of E-Cigarette Use by Youth

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On December 18, 2018, the Surgeon General of the United States Vice Admiral Jerome M. Adams issued a public health advisory on the dangers of e-cigarette use.  He called the use among our youth “an epidemic” and asks all of  us to step up and help protect our children from this major public health threat.

According to the Advisory, e-cigarettes entered the U.S. market in 2007 and since 2014, are the most widely used tobacco product by youth.  In 2018, use grew by 20.8% so that 1 in 5 high school students and 1 in 20 middle school students used e-cigarettes.  These cigarettes come in different shapes, sizes and flavors and have become very attractive to youth, especially with so much effective advertising geared toward the youth.  It is also important to know that, in addition to using various flavors, marijuana is being used in e-cigarettes too.  

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The Surgeon General warned that e-cigarette aerosol can be harmful as it usually has nicotine, which is an addictive drug.  “Nicotine exposure during adolescence can harm the developing brain – which continues to develop until about age 25. Nicotine exposure during adolescence can impact learning, memory, and attention. Using nicotine in adolescence can also increase risk for future addiction to other drugs. In addition to nicotine, the aerosol that users inhale and exhale from e-cigarettes can potentially expose both themselves and bystanders to other harmful substances, including heavy metals, volatile organic compounds, and ultrafine particles that can be inhaled deeply into the lungs.”

He refers to this growing use as a “public health epidemic” and asks us assist in the fight to protect our children.  The Advisory provides helpful information as to what can be done by parents, teachers, health professionals, as well as government entities. 

The Advisory ends with the following: “KNOW THE RISKS. TAKE ACTION. PROTECT OUR KIDS.”

To read the full advisory, CLICK HERE.

For other interesting articles on the dangers of e-cigarettes, visit:

• Power to the Parent

• CDC: Exposure to eCigarette Advertising to Middle and High School Students

• Youth Exposure to Vaping Products

The Importance of Teaching Civics to Our Children

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What are our privileges, rights and duties as citizens in our democracy?  As a Christian, a lawyer and former judge, I believe that children should be taught more about civics so that they grow up with the knowledge of what our democracy entails and actively participate in our government. 

I have heard many judges from all over the United States lament the fact that people do not want to serve on juries.  It is like pulling teeth to have people serve. Yet, jury duty is a very important part of our civic duty.  Did you know that?

In an op-ed dated February 11, 2019 in the LA Times online, retired teacher Sandy Asper wrote about what she believed was the need to teach children not only social studies, but also a separate course about civics – what a good citizen should know and do.  She argued that just teaching children facts, such as when the U. S. Constitution was written and why it was written, is not enough to give them a full understanding of citizenship.   She wrote:

“It is incredibly important that students learn that what they think matters, and how to determine what they think by researching and learning.  It’s critical that they understand the importance of taking action and learning how to do it. It’s crucial to our country that students learn how to communicate; how to write letters, text, call, march, take part in elections, join, organize. In other words, they learn how to become an actual citizen.”

I couldn’t agree more with Ms. Asper’s view.  Moreover, I would add other subjects to teach within civics such as how our government is set up with 3 branches – executive, judicial and legislative - both nationally and locally,  and the important duty of serving on a jury. 

To raise children who are active in their community, we must teach them the importance of what it means to be a citizen.  Only then will we have more participation in what our government does and what it looks like.

Parents Should Monitor the Music Their Children Listen To

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I saw this statement on the internet as I was researching the theme for today’s blog post - parents monitoring their children’s music - and thought it was an interesting perspective to write about to address this topic.  Proverbs 22:6 states that we parents are to, “train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

The subject about offensive music came up recently after a close friend of mine attended an exercise class at a sports facility in a large urban area.  Music videos were shown as part of the exercise experience.  My friend told me that the young instructor bragged about how her mother often attended her classes.  Unfortunately, my friend did not have a good experience - she was not only shocked by the extremely vulgar words in the songs, but also the dance moves in the videos.  Repeated curse words as well as sexually explicit language and dance moves were a part of almost every song.  As it turned out, the instructor’s mother did not attend class that day.   My friend commented that she believed the instructor’s mother would have been highly offended and embarrassed by the music had she been there.  She also questioned whether the instructor would have played these music videos with her mother there and sighed in relief that no men attended the class that day because she said she, as a woman, would have been embarrassed.

There can be no dispute that much of the musical lyrics today is filled with vulgar and sexually explicit language- especially in certain genres.  What should Christian parents do?  Parents must be vigilant, as they play a very important role in deciding what music their children listen to when at home.   I’m a firm believer that when children are in your home, they should abide by your rules.  Of course, teenagers especially will complain about peer pressure and fitting in with their friends.   But, you must set parameters and train up your child as you feel is right and godly.

I don’t believe that any parent would even consider allowing his child to have in the home any literature or videos promoting racism, pornography, or violence against women, for example.  So why would a Christian parent allow his child to have music that is laced with vulgarity and sexual explicitness?  Plain and simple – that type of music should not be accepted.

Talk with your children and explain why you are setting boundaries.  And, importantly, ask them whether they would play that type of music if you were sitting in the car with them or talking with them in their bedroom?  If they believe that a song would be offensive to you as a parent, then it should be offensive to them too!