There is no Such Thing as a Humanly Perfect Child

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        Do you find yourself saying such things as “I wish my son had a more outgoing personality” or “I want my daughter to be the smartest student in her class” or “My son should be the best soccer player on his team”?  I believe our desires can be misplaced as we look for human perfection in our children.  Let us strive to raise children who love God and whose core fundamental beliefs are centered on God’s view of them rather than our own.

            In Matthew 22:37-38, Jesus instructs us on the “greatest” or most important commandment: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.”

 We are misplacing the emphasis if we stress exceptional outward behavior or physical attributes as God wants us to love Him.  Moreover, God does not look at our outward appearance, but above all else, He always looks at our hearts. 1 Samuel 16:7. Our hearts are the core of who we are and what we believe.  Proverbs 4:23 states: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (NIV).

The Bible is filled with verses that tell us how much God loves us and how we are special, precious and unique to Him.  These verses apply equally to adults and children.  Here are a few to discuss with your children and help them to memorize:

1.     Our children are God’s workmanship who have been created in Christ Jesus for good works. Ephesians 2:10.

2.     They are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139. 

3.     They are the salt of the world. Matthew 5:13.

4.     They are the light of the world. Matthew 5:14.

God is looking for people who love Him and know how much He loves them.  Help your children to understand this from young!

Are Too Many Rewards Hurting Rather Than Helping Your Children?

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Illustration by Natalie Matthews-Ramo

        As a parent raising two sons, I used rewards to help motivate them to do I what I believe needed to be done.    I reasoned at the time that rewards were proper means to an end.  The “rewards” system did not always work and in some instances, turned out to be more of problem than an effective solution or inducement.  As I have matured as a parent and seen parents give, in my opinion, too many rewards, I wonder whether we have misused and abused the “rewards” system.  I would like to share with you what John Rosemond, the “Parent Guru”, and author, psychologist and parent educator Robin Grille have to say on this subject, which I find to be very enlightening.

         Mr. Rosemond responded to a question posed to him about giving a child “prizes” or rewards just to have the child obey a parent’s request, in this case, to dress nicely to attend church and stop whining and moping about it.  He stated:

It should go without saying (but it seems that when it comes to child rearing, nothing goes without saying these days) that children should be taught do the right thing — in this case, obedience to parental instructions — simply because it is the right thing to do. Another way of saying the same thing: Children need to learn that good behavior is its own reward.

          He further talks about the short-term achievements that rewards give and get, and that researchers are finding that rewards are not good for the long-term.  In the online article Rewards and Praise – The Poisoned Carrot, Ms. Grille reached a similar conclusion:

Rewards work well for getting children to do something that they don't naturally want to do, for the short-term only. This immediate behavior change rewards us, and keeps us addicted to rewarding. The negative consequences of rewards and praise don't materialize until later, so we fail to recognize rewards and praise as the culprit.

          Another important point made by Ms. Grille is that many children learn how to manipulate and become “superficially compliant”, doing just what it takes to get the reward and often honesty suffers.  With my sons, I learned that I could not just ask them “to clean their rooms” for their rewards but had to be specific about what needed to be done.  Exactly what is meant by “clean”? Often, they would do minimal work and then expect a reward.  If none was forthcoming, complaints and arguments ensued. 

I agree with many of Mr. Rosemond’s and Ms. Grille’s conclusions and if I had to do it over again, would not give rewards as often as I did for certain things.  But, as a parent, it is up to you to decide what is best. 

To read the entire articles and more on the subject, please visit the following:

https://lacrossetribune.com/lifestyles/relationships-and-special-occasions/john-rosemond-children-need-to-learn-that-good-behavior-is-its-own-reward/article_b456455c-6921-50d1-ac43-1dc2e066f67d.html

https://www.naturalchild.org/articles/robin_grille/rewards_praise.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brain-trust/201604/heres-how-rewarding-good-behavior-leads-bad-behavior

Helping Your Children Understand Disabilities

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Picture from friendshipcircle.org

Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. 1 Peter 3:8 ESV

It is of utmost importance that we raise children who are compassionate, empathetic, and loving to others.  One of the ways to do that is teaching them at a young age about persons with disabilities and how to treat them. Many of us have persons with disabilities in our families and there may be children with disabilities at your children’s school.  As Christians, we are especially called to show our love and be tenderhearted. 1 Peter 3:8.

Children are naturally inquisitive and will ask questions.  Here are some suggestions to assist your children:

• It is acceptable to notice a person who has a disability.  Do not ignore the situation but offer an explanation that is not emotional.  Author Lindsay Hutton in her online article Six Tips to Talk to Your Children About Disabilities, suggests the following:

A short and matter-of-fact description will answer your child's questions while showing her that the person has nothing to be ashamed of.

For example, if you see a child with muscular dystrophy in a wheelchair, you can say to your child, ‘I see you looking at that little girl in the wheelchair, and you might be wondering why she needs it. Some people's muscles work a little differently, and her wheelchair helps her move around, just like your legs help you.’

• Words are important, so be respectful and not hurtful.  Ms. Hutton recommends the appropriate words to use: “Avoid using derogatory terms like ‘cripple’, ‘retarded’, or ‘midget’, and instead, use terms and phrases like ‘wheelchair user,’ ‘little person’, and ‘he has a learning disability’.’’

• Point out similarities between all children and adults.  Persons with disabilities are human beings who have feelings, love their families, and enjoy music as well as playing sports.  By emphasizing the similarities, you will help your children to understand that persons with disabilities are people too.

• Children love to ask questions.  If you do not know the answers and the child’s parent is present, consider asking the parent.  Many parents of children with disabilities welcome questions and spend time answering them.

• Ask your children to think about a scenario where they have a particular disability.  How would they like to be treated? For example, if there is a child in your children’s school who has a hearing disability and wears a hearing device, ask your children how they would feel if they could not hear well.  How would they want to be treated? 

There are many children’s books to familiarize your children with disabilities.  Visit the links below for some suggestions. 

For more helpful information, please visit the following:

• Explaining Disability to Children

• 6 Tips to Talk to Your Kids About Disabilities

• Disability Awareness for Kids

Be Sure to Schedule Time for Free Play for Your Children

Just what is free play for children?  We adults often think that children regularly play, so what is the significance of free play?  Free play is unstructured play that children direct on their own.  It is play that helps develop a child’s creativity and well-being and is essential to a child’s growth.   

There is an excellent online article at Harvard’s Graduate School of Education’s website about free play Summertime, Playtime by Leah Shaffer.  Ms. Shaffer lists 3 types of play: social play, when children play with others; independent play, when children play by themselves, such as with stuffed animals and building blocks; and guided play, when children play according to what adults have set up.   

Playing has many benefits such as:

• Intellectual development – “Play builds executive function skills, content knowledge, and creative thinking. When children build with blocks or draw, they are counting, classifying, and creating and examining patterns. When children engage in dramatic play, they are practicing telling stories in a sensible order, using rich vocabulary, and writing.”

• Social development – Children learn how to interact with others and listen.

• Emotional development – Children learn about their emotions and how to regulate them.

• Physical development – Children play using their bodies, often through sports or other physical activity, and try new things, such as swimming underwater. 

How can you help your children have free play?  First, have plenty of the right kinds of “toys” available. Some recommendations are building blocks, Lego, crayons and paper, stuffed animals, and stickers.  Keep a few empty cardboard boxes around too.  Second, plan ahead and set aside the time.  For example, take your children to a park to just run around and play.  Invite some of their friends over to play.  And, make sure that there are no devices with screens involved! Third, don’t give in to your children’s cries of “I’m bored!”  Encourage them to create ways to play and have fun. 

To read the entire article and another helpful article, please visit:

• Harvard - Summertime Playtime

• Very Well Family - Unstructured Play

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Celebrating the Importance of Families on International Family Day on May 15

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The importance of the family unit is celebrated all over the world.  In fact, the United Nations passed a resolution in 1993 establishing the International Day of Families as an annual recognition of the paramount importance of families.  The resolution provided, in part, the following:

“This annual observance reflects the importance which the international community attaches to families as basic units of society as well as its concern regarding their situation around the world. The International Day of Families provides an opportunity to promote awareness of issues relating to families as well as to promote appropriate action.  The Day can become a powerful mobilizing factor on behalf of families in all countries, which avail themselves of this opportunity and demonstrate support of family issues appropriate to each society.”

For Christians, the family unit plays a vital role both physically and spiritually.  We have a physical, earthly family with parents and siblings and other members.  And, when we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we become members of the spiritual family of God our Father as we are all brothers and sisters in Christ. (Romans 8:15; Galatians 3:26-29).   From the Old Testament to the New Testament, God’s Word expresses the importance of family, from children honoring and obeying their parents and parents not provoking their children; the sanctity of marriage; the prohibition against adultery; and the disdain of divorce. 

The links below have some activities for families for this day.  Note that they are secular web pages but some of the ideas are worthwhile to do, especially after the COVID-19 quarantines are over.  

For more information, please visit:

• National Today - International Family Day

• International Event Day - Family Day

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Celebrate with As the Stars of the Sky

We would love to celebrate this day with your family! Our top reads or suggestions can be found below:

Celebrate International Jazz Day on April 30

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I have written before about all the numerous benefits music has on children.  International Jazz Day is celebrated on April 30 and is a wonderful opportunity to introduce your children to the world of jazz music.

What is jazz music?  According to Scholastic’s Teacher Activity Guide on Culture & Change-Black History in America, it is purely an American invention which started from blues music:

Born in the South, the blues is an African American-derived music form that recognized the pain of lost love and injustice and gave expression to the victory of outlasting a broken heart and facing down adversity. The blues evolved from hymns, work songs, and field hollers — music used to accompany spiritual, work and social functions. Blues is the foundation of jazz as well as the prime source of rhythm and blues, rock 'n' roll, and country music. The blues is still evolving and is still widely played today.

One of the most distinguishing features of jazz is what is known as improvisation.  Musicians not only play from music sheets but also create their own impromptu solo performances right on the spot.  It takes great talent to do this.

Jazz music continued to expand and grow over the years into what is known as “swing music” for dancing and then into what is known as “bepop music” in the 1940s:

In the early 1940s, jazz musicians were looking for new directions to explore. A new style of jazz was born, called bebop, had fast tempos, intricate melodies, and complex harmonies. Bebop was considered jazz for intellectuals. No longer were there huge big bands, but smaller groups that did not play for dancing audiences but for listening audiences.

The variety of jazz music is impressive, from blues to swing to bepop to Latin and Afro-Cuban jazz in more recent years.  It involves large bands or small groups or even soloist performances.  

The United Nations Educational, Scientific & Cultural Organization (UNESCO) established International Jazz Day in 2011 to recognize and promote the importance of jazz and uniting people all over the world.  Herbie Hancock, legendary jazz pianist and composer, has played a vital part in developing and promoting the day.  He said the following:

When a human being is oppressed, the natural tendency is to feel anger. Jazz is a response to oppression that is not bullets and blood. Jazz is the expression of harmony ... and at the same time of hope and freedom.

Plan some at-home lessons about jazz.  There are many famous jazz artists about whom your children can read and learn, including Louis Armstrong, Duke Ellington, Ella Fitzgerald and Dizzy Gillespie.

For more information, please visit:

• Jazz Day

• Scholastic - History of Jazz

• Smithsonian - What is Jazz?

Discussing with Your Children about Good Friday - the Death of Jesus – on April 10

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One of the important hats that I wear is being a children’s author of faith-based books.  My book It’s Not About You Mr. Easter Bunny – A Love Letter About the True Meaning of Easter tells not only the history of how “Easter” originated with bunnies and baby chicks, but of course also about the most important event in Christianity – the death and resurrection of Jesus.  To augment your discussions or if you have not yet purchased my book, today’s blog addresses talking with your children about the day designated as “Good Friday”- the death of Jesus on the cross.          

Writer Erin Mohrin said it well in her online article entitled Good Friday and Children: Making the Cross Real to Your Kids:

It is important to me that our children feel the contrast between Good Friday and (Resurrection) Sunday, because without the darkness, the light won’t shine as bright. God’s great love for us went on full display at the Cross. Experience that love with your children this year.

The death of Jesus on the cross is indeed a very sad occurrence but the focus should not be just on His physical death, but also the meaning of it.  The cross represents pain and joy – the pain that Jesus felt when He was crucified and the joy we experience because Jesus died for our sins.  It shows His overwhelming love for us and the extent to which He went to make sure that we would have everlasting life with Him in heaven.

There are many activities that children can do.  The links below provide conversation starters with your children as well as an art activity.  Please spend some time with your children to help them understand what Jesus did for us.

For more information, please visit:

• Making the Cross Real to Your Kids

• How to Explain Good Friday to Your Children

Opening a Savings Account for Your Child

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Saving money is encouraged in the Bible. There are many scripture verses that establish that God wants us to be wise with our money and prepared for what may happen in the future.  Assisting your children to save money by opening savings accounts is a good start.

First, start with the scripture foundation for the principle of saving money.  Proverbs 6:6-11 talks about the hard-working ant. The Bible says “consider her ways and be wise”.  She diligently works all summer to gather food for the winter and has plenty when she needs it.  She is not a “sluggard” or a “lazybone” (NLT version), waiting for something else to do the hard work and provide food for her when she needs it.  Another important verse is Proverbs 21:5 – “Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity, but hasty shortcuts lead to poverty.” (NLT) Planning for the future is critical so that you will have money enough to provide for your needs and any emergency that may pop up.   Proverbs 21:20 talks about a rich man having precious things - wealth and luxury - while “fools spend whatever they get.” (NLT)

Second, do your homework before opening a savings account.  Research the process and what factors you should consider. There is an excellent online article (website below) entitled 7 Things to Consider Before Opening a Kids Savings Account.  It is important to understand all that is involved, including legal requirements that must be met, as well as bank fees that may be charged.

The best teacher from whom a child can learn to save money is you – the parent.  Raise a wise person, not a sluggard or lazybone!

To learn more, please CLICK HERE.

Teaching Your Children Christian Mindfulness

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There has been a lot of attention on and encouragement for adults to develop mindfulness, especially through yoga and meditation.  There is also a growing movement to teach children about mindfulness.  As Christians, we are called to “rest in the Lord,” meaning that we should spend quiet time with the Lord and trust Him.  This week I wanted to take a look at Christian mindfulness and how you can help your children develop it.

Just what is mindfulness? A simple definition is to be attentive to the present.  Our thoughts race around in our minds throughout the day.  How much are we aware of what is happening now – in the present time?  At the website, christiansimplicity.com, the writer gives a wonderful description of Christian mindfulness: “Because God is part of our everyday lives, paying attention to God and focusing on God’s kingdom is a fundamental practice of Christian mindfulness.”  The writer refers to it as “mindfulness Jesus-style.”  I like that!

Living in the present means that we are to have our hope in God and not dwell on our worries.  We should be at peace with ourselves and our surroundings.

Meditation is a good way to develop mindfulness.   Christiansimplicity.com further recommends using scripture during meditation:

Christian meditation can be as simple as sitting still for ten minutes, breathing easily, and repeating a line of Scripture. Good phrases for this kind of meditation are “Maranatha” and “Be still and know that I am God.” This kind of meditation renews both our minds and our spirits. It provides a centeredness that helps us listen for God. It also trains us over time to release all the distracting thoughts that occur to us during the average day and refocus on what matters.

Children need assistance in dealing with their emotions and worries.  Select appropriate scripture verses that they can easily memorize.  Encourage them to take some time each day to sit quietly and repeat scripture or to just experience the present moment.

To learn more, CLICK HERE.

How to Handle Your Children’s Fears and Phobias

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Many children develop fears, which can then turn into phobias.  These may involve insects, dogs, thunder and lightning, flying on a plane and darkness, for example.  As a parent, what can you do to help your children

Experts say that fears can develop around the ages of 6 to 12 and be a normal part of growing up.  Parents are encouraged to address these fears in the following ways:

• Talk with your children about their fears.  Let them know that you are there for them.

• Do not belittle, criticize or ridicule your children for having a fear.

• Do not force your children “suck it up” and be brave.  They must have the opportunity to discuss what they are feeling and have your support and encouragement to overcome their fears.

• Protect them when possible.  For example, if your children are afraid of large dogs, make sure that you know whether there are any in your neighborhood.  If there are, do not take your children to that area.  Perhaps you can speak with your neighbor about your children’s fear and when the time is right, introduce the dog to your children.

A verse that I often used with my children is the one on today’s blog – 2 Timothy 1:7 - and you can use it too.  Go over what the words mean so they can easily understand the verse.  Help them memorize it.  Say it with them several times during the day so it gets into their spirits. 

If you try many different methods but your children are still suffering from various fears, consider getting professional counseling.  Your children need to be able to deal with their fears. 

For more information, please click here: Understanding Childhood Fears and Anxieties

Heavy Backpacks Can Cause Back Pain

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Have you looked at your children’s backpacks lately?  How large and heavy are they? I have seen so many children walking hunched over while carrying heavy backpacks. All this weight on a child’s spine is not good.

In an online article entitled Backpacks and Back Pain in Children, Dr. John Triano describes what can happen to a child’s spine.  Carrying a heavy backpack can cause the following:

• Distort the natural curves in the middle and lower backs, causing muscle strain and irritation to the spine joints and the rib cage. If the backpack is carried on one shoulder, the spine leans to the opposite side.

• Lead to rounding of the shoulders

• Cause a person to lean forward, reducing balance and making it easier to fall

• Pull on the neck muscles, contributing to headache, shoulder pain, lower back pain, and/or neck and arm pain.

Some researchers suggest that the weight of the backpack should be limited to 10%-15% of the child’s body weight.  Also recommended is using a separate bag for the child's laptop or other heavier electronic items.

Dr. Triano suggests that parents select backpacks with the following:

• Lightweight material (canvas as opposed to leather)

• Two padded, wide (2-inches), adjustable shoulder straps on the backpack

• Padded back

• Individualized compartments

• Hip strap, waist belt, or frame to redistribute the weight of the backpack from the shoulders and back to the pelvis

• Wheels so that the backpack can be pulled rather than carried.

Be sure to monitor what your children put in their backpacks.  Often, they just continue to stuff things inside without cleaning them out and organizing them.  This leads to them carrying a lot of unnecessary items.

To learn more, please read the entire article by clicking here.

Overcoming Hectic School Mornings

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All parents have suffered through those hectic school mornings.  Getting ourselves and our children ready on time is often challenging.  Here are some pointers adopted by successful parents to overcome those chaotic times.

Get enough sleep the night before.  Your children should have a regular routine for going to bed at night with that routine including a regular time to get to bed and praying together.  There should not be any exceptions on a school night.  Children need adequate sleep and if they are not getting it, their performance at home and in school will show it.

Prepare, prepare, prepare the night before.  Preparation is the key to a smooth sailing morning.  Consider all the tasks that need to be done in the morning and prepare the night before for them so that they can be accomplished easily that morning.  Remember to get your children involved in all the preparations so that they learn what needs to be done and can take over when they are able to.  Select your children’s clothing.  If they take a lunch to school, prepare their lunches that night or at least double check to make sure you have all the ingredients.  Pack the lunch kits when possible.  Have their bookbags ready with the completed homework and anything else that they will need the next day. Make sure to double check whether they need any materials for school – such as pencils or notebooks.  All those can be packed that night as well. Don’t forget about their breakfasts.  Prepare ahead of time to ensure that that they have healthy food to eat. 

Have a checklist, just in case.  I’m a person who loves checklists but they have to be manageable.   Having a short list for each child to do will help you (and them) to better prepare. 

Wake up before your children.  You, as a parent, have important tasks that you need to get done in the morning too, including having some quiet time to pray.  It is best that your tasks are completed (or almost completed) before you take on helping your children to get ready.  Waking up before your children will give you the ability to do what you need to do and be ready when they get up.  When they do wake up, pray with them to help them start the day with a thankful heart and direction.

Organize your home. Everything needs its place in your home.  Lunch kits in one area, school related items in another area, etc., etc. Being organized will help you and your children get prepared quickly and efficiently.

For more information, please read:

• Morning Routine for Kids

• School Mornings Without the Stress

Be Sure to Have Your Children Vaccinated in Time for the Coming School Year

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Are your children up to date with their vaccinations? As the new school year is about to begin, it is critical for us as parents to make sure that our children have the required vaccinations.  We should prepare them for that day as well.

The U.S. Department of Health & Human Services has established five important reasons for children to be vaccinated as follows:

1.    Immunizations can save your child’s life;

2.    Vaccinations are very safe and effective;

3.    Immunizations protect others whom you care about;

4.    Immunizations can save your family time and money; and

5.    Immunization protects future generations.

The Centers for Disease Control & Prevention also has a website page with information that will assist parents with preparing their children for vaccination day.   It suggests to pack a book or a toy for a young child to comfort him.  With older children, speak to them about the importance of vaccinations and be honest with them, letting them know that shots do sting a bit, but only for a while. 

Please do prepare your children for that visit.  I remember one visit with my youngest son James when he was about 5 years old.  My late husband and I took him to the pediatrician for his usual annual checkup before school started but unfortunately, we did not prepare him for the visit.  Unbeknownst to any of us, he had to get not just one, but several shots during that visit.  After the first shot, James jumped off the examination table and ran and hid under the doctor’s desk, crying.   We all finally made it through the rest of the shots, but it was truly an ordeal.  Needless to say, that was the most memorable visit to the doctor that we ever had with him!

The bottom line is that vaccinations are crucial for your children’s good health and must not be overlooked.  Planning and preparing for that day will help everyone to get through it.

Read more by clicking one of these links:

• Five Important Reasons to Vaccinate

• CDC Website - Vaccinate Your Children

Spend the Month of July in Space Exploration with Your Children

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Starting on July 16, NASA has a series of scheduled events to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the Moon landing.  This is a wonderful time to introduce your children to or expand their knowledge of the history of space exploration and NASA’s plans for the future.  NASA’s website has a wealth of information specifically for children.

The events commemorating the 50th anniversary range from interviews with past astronauts to discussions of the agency’s future plans.  Please visit the website below to get all the information and how to participate in or just view the events.

On another section of its website, it has information about its plans for the future, which it refers to as “Moon to Mars”.  Specifically, its plans include the following: “Working with U.S. companies and international partners, NASA will push the boundaries of human exploration forward to the Moon and on to Mars.  NASA is working to establish a permanent human presence on the Moon within the next decade to uncover new scientific discoveries and lay the foundation for private companies to build a lunar economy.”  It states that the missions to the Moon and Mars are intertwined as the Moon will be an experimental area and stepping-stone for eventually traveling to Mars.  There can be no doubt that the mission to Mars will be challenging, as it is a 34 million mile trip to get there.

NASA has dedicated a portion of its websites to students, whom it refers to as the “Next Generation of Explorers”.  A considerable amount of information is provided in a child-friendly format. There is even a link to NASA’s Kid Club with games for children to play, from test driving a machine on Mars to a printable puzzle booklet.  

This month is a unique opportunity for children to learn more about space exploration and exciting plans for the future.  You might even learn a thing or two as well!

Please visit:

• Live TV ReBroadcast

• Moon to Mars Overview

• For Students

Getting Your Children Involved with Nature

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Summer is the perfect time to get your children outdoors and involved with nature - luring them away from mobile devices, computers, and television screens.  In an excellent online article for The Washington Post, 10 Ways to Get Your Kids Out in Nature, and Why It Matters, author Lauren Knight explains why your children’s physical and psychological well-being will benefit in a myriad of ways by exploring nature.

It all starts with the parents, Ms. Knight writes.  If parents are enthusiastic and curious about nature, their children will be too.   Ms. Knight recommends to just “sit and observe” at a specific area.  Don’t have busy distractions.  I typically encourage in my blogs for parents to ask questions and not simply give children answers.  Help your children look at different aspects of nature, ask questions, and search for the answers themselves. 

Try an outing at a planetarium and then lay out on the open grass and gaze at the stars at night.  By first visiting the planetarium, you will get more information about the constellations and what to look for.  When gazing up at the stars at night, your child will have a better understanding and truly get to enjoy and appreciate such spectacular beauties.

Planting a garden is another way to enjoy nature.  From planting seeds to eating the crops, children can have a lot of fun.  Have your children assist in purchasing all the items you will need for the garden as well as planting and watering.  They will learn much more by doing than just watching.

There are many books that she recommends for children that involve nature.  Visit the website link below and see the list of books.  There are some for young children as well as older children.

Find out what outdoor activities are available in your community.  Summer is an especially good time for children to be outside and enjoying themselves. 

Please read the entire article by CLICKING HERE.

Riddles – Fun & Educational for Your Children

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Riddles are often called brain teasers for a reason.  They help your children to think outside the box and in multi-dimensional ways.   When was the last time that you went over some riddles with your children?  Pick up a book at the library or a bookstore, or go to a website listed below to have some fun time.

I love riddles!  When you are driving with your children or spending time with them in other ways, asking them riddles is a great way to pass the time and help them learn.  After asking the riddle, try not to give the answer right away if your children are struggling to find the answer.  Help them on the journey to find that answer.  For example, here is a good riddle to get your children to think logically:

Q: You walk into a room with a match, a kerosene lamp, a candle, and a fireplace. Which do you light first?
A: The match.

If your children do not get the correct answer right away, ask such questions as: can a candle light itself? Of course, the answer is “no”.  Ask that same question for each of the other items – a kerosene lamp and a fireplace.  The answers would still be “no”.  For any of those 3 items to get “light”, you would have to light the match first. 

Please be warned that there are some very difficult riddles out there and some that do not make much sense.  Review the riddles yourself before asking them to your children.  Is the riddle age appropriate?  Will my child learn from the riddle?

Here are some websites that are filled with interesting and challenging riddles:

• 45 Riddles and Brain Teasers for Kids

• Icebreaker Riddles for Kids

Singing Helps Your Children’s Development

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(Photo of the children’s group Lake Norman Singers)

After recently reading a newspaper article about how singing is beneficial for adults, I thought that it must have many more benefits for children.  I did some research and this week’s blog is about just that.   Children love to sing and singing helps their intellectual and emotional development in many different ways.

The advantages of having children sing are explained: 

1. Singing helps a child improve his vocabulary by learning new words.  Experts say that parents should start from when the child is very young, as singing nursery rhymes and simple songs can be a foundation upon which words are built.

2. For young children, it helps them learn to communicate by exercising lip and tongue movement.

3. It helps develop the “memory muscle” – when your child is learning a song, tunes and words are being embedded in your child’s mind.

4. It helps develop creativity.  Your child can create songs about anything and anyone. Make the words rhyme or not.  There is no limit to what type of song can be written and sung.

5. It helps your child develop self-confidence.  As your child practices a new song with both words and tunes, she will become more confident as she masters it.

6. When your child sings with a group, it helps him to develop better social skills as he will be learning and building friendships at the same time.

The websites listed below give parents and caregivers many tips as to how to encourage singing.  They range from singing before bedtime or just making up songs while you are at home to looking for singing classes or a group in which your children can participate.  Make it fun.  Your children will enjoy themselves and learn at the same time. 

For more information, please visit these websites:

• How Singing Can Support Learning

• Five Benefits of Singing for Children

• https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2011/may/08/singing-children-development-language-skills

The Importance of Teaching Civics to Our Children

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What are our privileges, rights and duties as citizens in our democracy?  As a Christian, a lawyer and former judge, I believe that children should be taught more about civics so that they grow up with the knowledge of what our democracy entails and actively participate in our government. 

I have heard many judges from all over the United States lament the fact that people do not want to serve on juries.  It is like pulling teeth to have people serve. Yet, jury duty is a very important part of our civic duty.  Did you know that?

In an op-ed dated February 11, 2019 in the LA Times online, retired teacher Sandy Asper wrote about what she believed was the need to teach children not only social studies, but also a separate course about civics – what a good citizen should know and do.  She argued that just teaching children facts, such as when the U. S. Constitution was written and why it was written, is not enough to give them a full understanding of citizenship.   She wrote:

“It is incredibly important that students learn that what they think matters, and how to determine what they think by researching and learning.  It’s critical that they understand the importance of taking action and learning how to do it. It’s crucial to our country that students learn how to communicate; how to write letters, text, call, march, take part in elections, join, organize. In other words, they learn how to become an actual citizen.”

I couldn’t agree more with Ms. Asper’s view.  Moreover, I would add other subjects to teach within civics such as how our government is set up with 3 branches – executive, judicial and legislative - both nationally and locally,  and the important duty of serving on a jury. 

To raise children who are active in their community, we must teach them the importance of what it means to be a citizen.  Only then will we have more participation in what our government does and what it looks like.

Do You Know That Your Cell Phone Addictions Are Bad for Your Children?

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I have heard adults complain a lot about their children being addicted to electronic devices, from cell phones to iPads to laptops and desktop computers.  Children seem to be constantly occupied by playing video games, or texting, or watching videos.  But, what about parents who are addicted to their cell phones?  Studies have found that parents’ cell phone addictions can be detrimental to their children.

There is a very interesting article online at the website for Psychology Today entitled, Turn Off That Smart Phone, Mom and Dad! It is written by Dona Matthews, Ph.D., a developmental psychologist who has also written several books about children and adolescents.  The article refers to five research studies which establish the damage that parents can do by being distracted on their cell phones and not paying attention to or communicating responsibly with their children. 

• According to study #1, “moms on cellphones have children who are more negative and less resilient.” Children up to 2 years old were studied and researchers found them to be more distressed and less willing to explore their environment when their mothers were using cell phones.

• According to study #2, “children feel unimportant, and have to compete with smartphones for parents’ attention.”  In an international study of 6,000 children ages 8 to 13, researchers found that almost 1/3 felt “unimportant” when their parents were on their cell phones during family times.  Over one-half of the children felt that their parents spent too much time on cell phones.

• According to study #3, “distracted parental attention harms children’s social/emotional development.”  In this study done with rats, researchers found that those rats that were distracted mothers were “less predictable, less reliable, and less attentive (to their pups).”  The pups spent less time playing with others and ate less.  “The researchers concluded that fragmented and chaotic maternal care disrupts brain development, which can lead to emotional disorders later in life: We need predictability and consistency for the emotional system to develop.”  The researchers are expanding their study and findings to include humans.

• According to study #4, “cellphone use interferes with healthy parenting.” Researchers found that “kids whose parents were absorbed in their devices were more likely to act silly or be noisy. Many parents on cell phones were irritable and impatient, which only led to worse behavior.”

• According to study #5, “kids feel sad, mad, angry, and lonely when parents use cellphones.”  This study was conducted on 1,000 children ages 4 to 18.  The researcher concluded that “parents should think twice before picking up a mobile device when they're with their kids. … We are behaving in ways that certainly tell children they don't matter, they're not interesting to us, they're not as compelling as anybody, anything, any ping that may interrupt our time with them.”

This article also has links to many other articles and studies that establish the negative effects of parents’ cell phone use on their children.  The next time you are with your children and decide to answer a call or write a text, please remember that your children need your attention, care and love.  If the cell phone communication is not urgent, do not respond.  Better yet – turn your cell phone off and give your children your undivided attention!

Read the entire article by clicking here.

Parents Should Monitor the Music Their Children Listen To

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I saw this statement on the internet as I was researching the theme for today’s blog post - parents monitoring their children’s music - and thought it was an interesting perspective to write about to address this topic.  Proverbs 22:6 states that we parents are to, “train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

The subject about offensive music came up recently after a close friend of mine attended an exercise class at a sports facility in a large urban area.  Music videos were shown as part of the exercise experience.  My friend told me that the young instructor bragged about how her mother often attended her classes.  Unfortunately, my friend did not have a good experience - she was not only shocked by the extremely vulgar words in the songs, but also the dance moves in the videos.  Repeated curse words as well as sexually explicit language and dance moves were a part of almost every song.  As it turned out, the instructor’s mother did not attend class that day.   My friend commented that she believed the instructor’s mother would have been highly offended and embarrassed by the music had she been there.  She also questioned whether the instructor would have played these music videos with her mother there and sighed in relief that no men attended the class that day because she said she, as a woman, would have been embarrassed.

There can be no dispute that much of the musical lyrics today is filled with vulgar and sexually explicit language- especially in certain genres.  What should Christian parents do?  Parents must be vigilant, as they play a very important role in deciding what music their children listen to when at home.   I’m a firm believer that when children are in your home, they should abide by your rules.  Of course, teenagers especially will complain about peer pressure and fitting in with their friends.   But, you must set parameters and train up your child as you feel is right and godly.

I don’t believe that any parent would even consider allowing his child to have in the home any literature or videos promoting racism, pornography, or violence against women, for example.  So why would a Christian parent allow his child to have music that is laced with vulgarity and sexual explicitness?  Plain and simple – that type of music should not be accepted.

Talk with your children and explain why you are setting boundaries.  And, importantly, ask them whether they would play that type of music if you were sitting in the car with them or talking with them in their bedroom?  If they believe that a song would be offensive to you as a parent, then it should be offensive to them too!