Be Very Mindful of How You Speak to Your Children – Part 2

This blog post is part 2 of how we as parents should speak to our children. Part 1 can be found here. I love what this quote from Brooke Hampton says as to how we should speak to them – “as if they are the wisest, kindest, most beautiful and magical humans on earth ….” And then, based on what we say to them, their belief system in themselves is being created: “what they believe is what they will become.”

Proverbs 23:7 says that “for as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” A child often believes or thinks what he has been told, whether it is the truth or not.

As parents, we develop in our children what they will think about themselves. If we notice and react to our children’s faults right away and then criticize or punish them, we are developing in our children the tendency to be critical about themselves. Make a commitment to change that. Actively look for what your children are doing right each day and praise them for it. When the time comes that you will have to deal with something that they did that was unacceptable, the positive words will outweigh the negative ones.

When you are speaking words of kindness, encouragement, and love, make a point of stopping what you are doing and focus on them. Have them stop what they are doing too. Get their attention. After speaking these words, observe what happens to their demeanor. They will light up! It’s as if the most important person in the world (well you are to them) truly believed in them. What could be more important?

Ask yourselves: aren’t your children, in fact, the wisest, kindest, most beautiful and magical humans on earth to you?The answer is clearly “yes”.So let’s speak to them as they deserve to be spoken to!

Be Very Mindful of How You Speak to Your Children – Part 1

I have always profoundly believed that we parents form the foundation for the way our children view the world and themselves. Proverbs 18:21 says that the tongue has the power of life and death. When you speak to your children and about your children, what do you say?

The quote for today’s blog from Peggy O’Mara rings so true to me. The way we talk to our children does, in fact, become their inner voice. How else can children know how others view or describe them except by hearing it first from their parents.

From my own personal experiences growing up as a child, I know that what my parents said about me always resonated in my head. I was often described by them as being “shy”, “quiet”, and “smart”. Whenever I was introduced to an adult, my parents would use those three words to say something about me. I grew up with those words ringing in my head. Now, as a mother of two sons, I understand the power of any sort of “description” I speak of my sons. I have tried very hard to only speak positive words.

In my professional career as a judge who presided over many juvenile delinquent and juvenile offender cases, I heard the demeaning words that parents would often speak about their children to me in court, and usually, these juveniles were young men. As their parents told me derogatory things about them, the young men would just stand with their heads down, ashamed and not knowing what to do. But, I knew that their parents’ criticism and derogation did not just start then.

Are you speaking words of encouragement and hope to your children? Even in anger, we parents can lose control and say mean things. Once these words are said, though, it is hard to forget them. Develop the habit of pausing before you speak. This will allow you to gather your thoughts and control your tongue.

I encourage you to talk to your children with positive, supportive words. Help strengthen their inner voice so they develop faith in themselves and truly love who they are.