A Christian’s Perspective of Talking to Your Children About the Coronavirus

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of sound judgment and personal discipline [abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind and self-control].

2 Tim. 1:7 AMP

Picture from www.thedadsnet.com

We are all experiencing the quarantines resulting from the Coronavirus or COVID-19.  There is so much news about it, much of which is inaccurate and just scary.  Your children are out of school and concerned about what is happening.  For Christian parents, it is very important to use information being provided by experts and lace it with pertinent Bible verses.  Here is some information to help explain in a comprehendible way about this virus to alleviate fears and anxieties.  I rely on several excellent online articles and hope you read them in their entirety for further information.

Experts say, first and foremost, do the research and allay your own anxieties.  By doing so, you will prepare yourself with all the facts, not fiction or false assumptions.  Speak calmly, armed with your research material.  Start the discussion with asking your children what they have heard.  So much erroneous information is on social media, so be prepared that your children have heard many frightening things that are totally wrong.

Gear your talk to the developmental age of your youngest child, as by doing so, even your older children will understand.  When the older child asks questions, you can also provide age appropriate answers.  Alternatively, you can break the children up into age groups.

Explain what should be done as a daily routine and enforce it.  Do demonstrations.  Properly washing hands, for example, is critical.  Demonstrate how they wash their hands.  Not touching friends’ hands is also very important – show them how to bump elbows instead. 

Focus on being hopeful and confident, not fearful. Share Bible verses, as the one in today’s blog and Psalm 91, to establish that God does not want us to have fear, but to put our trust and confidence in Him and His protection.  As Christians, we must be the vessels of faith, courage and truth during this time of turmoil. We are the light of the world! (John 8:12)

National Public Radio created a comic book type story for children to better understand the virus.  That comic book is now being used with children all over the world, translated into many different languages, and even a short video was created.  This is a very helpful tool for children to learn more.

To learn more, please go to:

• Kids Health

• ChildMind.org

• NPR Just for Kids - A Comic Exploring Coronavirus

Instilling Hope in Your Children

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We are living during some difficult times.  There is political upheaval and divisiveness with our presidential election just around the corner; rumors of a pandemic with the Coronavirus; and fears of an economic slump, just to name a few.  Children hear and read many things, especially via social media, much of which is inaccurate.  As Christian parents, building hope in our children is critical for their future.

Psalm 71:5 expresses that our hope and trust should be in God.  I especially like the version in the New Living Translation: “Oh Lord, you alone are my hope.  I’ve trusted you, O Lord, from childhood.” 

Teaching our children to put their hope in the Lord is the foundation for their successful future.  Talk with them about what is happening in the world.  As I have repeatedly written, help them to memorize scripture verses on hope, faith, and trust.  I have put together some websites below that have those Bible verses readily available.

There are many children’s books based on stories in the Bible and scripture verses that give hope.  I have included a couple of websites with some suggestions.

Please do not assume that your children are not hearing anything about what is going on in the world, because I can assure you that they are.  Being an assertive parent is vital to your children’s Christian understanding of our chaotic times.

Some children’s Christian books on hope can be found at the following websites:

• Free CCM

• PureFlix Summer Reading List

Bible verses on hope can be found at the following websites:

• Daily Verses on Hope

• Encouraging Verses About Hope

Helping Your Children with Fear of the Dentist

Last week, I wrote about helping your children with handling their fears.  One fear that must have a blog post of its own is going to the dentist.  Your children’s teeth should be regularly checked, but what can you do to make the visit easier on them?  Here are a few ideas from dentists themselves:

1. Find a child-friendly dentist.  Look for a waiting room that has an area for children to play.  Enquire as to how they deal with children who are afraid.

2. Communicate with your children.  Let them know that they will be visiting the dentist, so they are prepared.  Do not surprise them. 

3. Explain to them the importance of having their teeth checked regularly by a professional. 

4. Speak with your dentist about your children’s phobia ahead of time.  A dentist experiences this fear frequently and should have many good suggestions for you.

5. Take a favorite toy to the visit, if the dentist approves.

6. Speak with your children during the visit in a calm voice to reassure them that you are there for them.

7. Give positive feedback to encourage them to continue with good behavior.

It’s difficult for parents to observe their children suffering with fears.  Being patient and understanding are key.

For more information, please CLICK HERE.

How to Handle Your Children’s Fears and Phobias

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Many children develop fears, which can then turn into phobias.  These may involve insects, dogs, thunder and lightning, flying on a plane and darkness, for example.  As a parent, what can you do to help your children

Experts say that fears can develop around the ages of 6 to 12 and be a normal part of growing up.  Parents are encouraged to address these fears in the following ways:

• Talk with your children about their fears.  Let them know that you are there for them.

• Do not belittle, criticize or ridicule your children for having a fear.

• Do not force your children “suck it up” and be brave.  They must have the opportunity to discuss what they are feeling and have your support and encouragement to overcome their fears.

• Protect them when possible.  For example, if your children are afraid of large dogs, make sure that you know whether there are any in your neighborhood.  If there are, do not take your children to that area.  Perhaps you can speak with your neighbor about your children’s fear and when the time is right, introduce the dog to your children.

A verse that I often used with my children is the one on today’s blog – 2 Timothy 1:7 - and you can use it too.  Go over what the words mean so they can easily understand the verse.  Help them memorize it.  Say it with them several times during the day so it gets into their spirits. 

If you try many different methods but your children are still suffering from various fears, consider getting professional counseling.  Your children need to be able to deal with their fears. 

For more information, please click here: Understanding Childhood Fears and Anxieties

Bullying has Long Lasting Effects on Children

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Despite the fact that bullying has been a topic of much discussion and intervention for the past several years, it continues to be a major problem in our schools.  Experts say that the long-term effects of bullying on a child victim can be very detrimental and last into adulthood.  And, the aggressor’s bullying can also continue into adulthood.

Many ailments have been connected to bullying, such as depression, eating disorders, self-harm, and post-traumatic stress disorder.  Inevitably, the child victim suffers from a loss of confidence.

The negative feelings associated with being a victim of bullying can lead to anger problems which may require therapy and medications.   Often, the child withdraws from social contacts, which then leaves him isolated.  It is critical to intervene as quickly as possible if this happens because isolation can lead to suicidal tendencies.

Interestingly, bullying tendencies as a child have been linked to sexual harassment as an adult.  A December 2016 study published in the journal Children and Youth Services Review showed that “43% of the children surveyed (from middle school to high school) had been the victims of verbal sexual harassment (including sexual comments, jokes, and gestures) in the past year.” One of the experts who was involved in the study said that the bullying tendencies associated with sexual harassment can have their beginnings long before the person becomes an adult: “Schools are breeding grounds for harassment of women.  What we see in college starts in K to twelve.”

To read more about the long-term effects of bullying, go to:

• Long-term Effects of Bullying on the Victim

• Myths About Victims of Bullying

• Truths About Bullying Only Victims Understand

• How Bullying is Linked to Sexual Harassment

Suicide - The Second Leading Cause of Death for Children & Teens

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According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychology, suicide is the second major cause of death for children and teens.  My blog this week is on this subject because I would like to educate more and more adults about this dangerous issue and help protect our children from the belief that suicide is a viable way to end their problems.

According to the Academy, young children who commit suicide typically do so impulsively because of negative emotions.  For adolescents, suicide is usually associated with depression and other factors such as bullying and exposure to violence.

Warning signs may start with a child saying such things as “I wish I was dead.”  The Academy urges us to be vigilant about all warning signs, including the following:  changes in eating or sleeping habits; frequent or pervasive sadness; withdrawal from friends, family, and regular activities; frequent complaints about physical symptoms often related to emotions, such as stomachaches, headaches, and fatigue; decline in the quality of schoolwork; and preoccupation with death and dying.

In an excellent online article When One Teen’s Suicide Turns Into a Cluster at the website www.thefamilycoach.com, Dr. Catherine Pearlman stresses the fact that too little is being done to effectively combat suicides.  For example, just having suicide awareness programs in schools is not enough.  She suggests some critical changes that individuals as well as a community as a whole should make to fully address the issues surrounding suicide.  These include:

1.    Parents and schools must stop putting so much pressure on children to succeed at all costs.        

2.    Schools need to stop sending grades to parents on a daily basis.

3.    Children should be taught that “perfect” is a fallacy and even the idea of striving to be at close to perfection should not be the goal.

4.    Schools need crisis intervention plans as well as prophylactic plans for addressing suicide.

5.    Parents need to assume that their children are exposed to many risky things, such as drugs, alcohol, vaping, sex, porn, violence, social isolation, bullying and much more.  “Talk to your kids even if they don’t talk back. Talk in the car, over dinner or at night with the lights out before bed. Text these conversations if that’s the only way. Have the conversations before you think you have to. Your kids are going through so much more than you think. Get in there and help them.”

6.    Love your children no matter what.

No longer should we downplay our children’s suicidal tendencies.  Vigilance is key.

To learn more, please go to the following links:

• American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychology - Suicide in Children & Teens

• Family Coach - When One Teen Suicide Turns into a Cluster

Be Very Mindful of How You Speak to Your Children – Part 2

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This blog post is part 2 of how we as parents should speak to our children. Part 1 can be found here. I love what this quote from Brooke Hampton says as to how we should speak to them – “as if they are the wisest, kindest, most beautiful and magical humans on earth ….”  And then, based on what we say to them, their belief system in themselves is being created: “what they believe is what they will become.”

Proverbs 23:7 says that “for as he thinks in his heart, so is he.”  A child often believes or thinks what he has been told, whether it is the truth or not.

As parents, we develop in our children what they will think about themselves.  If we notice and react to our children’s faults right away and then criticize or punish them, we are developing in our children the tendency to be critical about themselves.  Make a commitment to change that.  Actively look for what your children are doing right each day and praise them for it.  When the time comes that you will have to deal with something that they did that was unacceptable, the positive words will outweigh the negative ones.

When you are speaking words of kindness, encouragement, and love, make a point of stopping what you are doing and focus on them.  Have them stop what they are doing too.  Get their attention.  After speaking these words, observe what happens to their demeanor.  They will light up!  It’s as if the most important person in the world (well you are to them) truly believed in them. What could be more important?

Ask yourselves: aren’t your children, in fact, the wisest, kindest, most beautiful and magical humans on earth to you?The answer is clearly “yes”.So let’s speak to them as they deserve to be spoken to!

Some Tips for Parents as Their Children Leave for College

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When we dropped off my oldest son at college for the first time, I thought I had prepared myself well.  Unfortunately, I had a difficult time leaving him and then traveling back home.  Even weeks later, I suffered from a very empty feeling of loss.  My late husband and I had prepared him to be independent and confident, yet we struggled with having him leave us and our home. 

I learned a lot from that transition so that when my youngest son was ready to be dropped off at college, I was able to handle the transition much better.  Here are a few tips that I learned that will help parents adjust quicker as their children leave the nest and head to college:

1.    Even though it is a sad turning point for you, please do not let your son or daughter see you too upset.  Remember that this is an amazing starting point for their lives as adults and you have taught them all you could over many years.  Let them know how difficult is it for you to transition without them, but be very encouraging to them.  The last thing that you should want as a parent is for your children to be overly worried and concerned about you when they should be studying and making new friends as well as planning for their future careers.

2.    Contact them to make sure they are doing well but do not be communicating with them too much.  This is the time for them to learn to be on their own and use the skills you taught them to adapt and solve problems.  Calling, emailing or texting too often does not give your children the space they need to continue learning and growing on their own.  Sometimes they must learn from their wrong decisions.  We have all had to.

3.    Help them if they need assistance to deal with a challenge but do not take over control.  Again, guiding them to make the right decisions is critical in their maturing process.  When you take over complete control in solving problems, they can lose confidence in their own abilities.

4.    Assist them with their monthly expenses but do not splurge on them or allow them to spend money frivolously.  They must learn to live within a budget.  After assisting them with establishing that budget, be there for them in the event of a financial emergency, but again, do not allow them to spend frivolously and then bail them out.  This is their time to learn how to manage their allotted money.

5.    Get busy with your own lives.  Spend more time giving your talents and energies to others, such as your church and community organizations.  You still have a lot to experience and contribute, so do all you can to be active.  Your community needs you.

It will always be difficult for parents to transition from having their children at home to an empty nest.  However, this is a time for you to grow too!  Have confidence in the fact that you have done all you can to raise your children well and that you have much more to give to the world.  Get busy doing that!

Do Not Be Worried about Your Children’s Futures

“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

— Matthew 6:34

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As parents, we are often consumed by preparing our children for the future. Whether it be enrolling them in as many extracurricular activities as possible to round out their academic resume or teaching them to be self-sufficient for adulthood, we want them to be completely prepared for everything that the future has to bring.  All this focus on the future, though, can cause high levels of stress for both you and your children and make it very difficult to just bask in the here and now.   

God does not want us to be anxious about anything.  I like what the words on the image for this week’s blog say: “Pray more, worry less”.   No one truly knows what the future will bring, but, as a Christian, you should feel comfort in knowing that God has already established a plan for the lives of each of your children.  

Try doing the following:

1. Understand that not every trait your child has now, will carry over into her future. For example, if you notice that your child is forgetful or seems unmotivated at times, it is unlikely that her attitude will persist throughout her life because behaviors change. Of course, you should talk to her about her conduct to ensure that she is fine and motivate her to do better, but do this to help your child in the present, not necessarily for the future. She does not need to hear your theories about the detrimental affects her present behavior may have on her future. She needs her parents’ assistance in dealing with whatever is going on at the moment.

2. Spend time with your children (uninterrupted by the distractions of technology). This could be a planned outing or an impromptu hangout session. Making time for your children shows them how much you love and value them.

3. Stop yourself from worrying. In Matthew 6:34, Jesus taught His disciples about concentrating on what is happening today, and not worrying about what may happen tomorrow.

4. Pray. Daily, ask God for guidance and comfort.

Helping a Child Who is Afraid of the Dark

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One of the most common fears among children is what can happen to them alone in the dark.  Most of us parents have been awakened in our beds by our children in the middle of the night, especially after they have had a bad dream.  Darkness represents the unknown, and since our children have such vivid imaginations, they can come up with the craziest things they believe lurk within it.  

I always recommend talking with your children about their fears.  Find out where these fears are coming from.  For example, what did they watch on tv or as a video or at the movie theater that could have caused fear? Tv programs and movies nowadays are filled with violence and scary looking creatures.  All of these can easily scare a child, especially one who is sensitive. 

When I was about 9 years, I remember going to the movies with my sisters and some friends.  We watched a Dracula movie.   Needless to say, it was their idea, not mine!  I could not sleep that night.  There was a large window in my bedroom and I made sure to put garlic cloves all around the windowsill, as that was supposed to ward off Dracula.  My thoughts about that movie tormented me for a long time and I had many sleepless nights.  My sisters and friends just laughed about the movie, so I never said anything, as I certainly did not want to be laughed at. 

Once you know the source of the fear, you will be able to deal with it.  One of the best ways is to establish a bedtime routine for them. 

Help them learn scripture verses to renew their minds.  This week’s verse is a wonderful one to start with: Psalm 56:3 - “When I’m afraid, I will trust in you.”  Another important verse for these types of situations is 2 Timothy 1:7 - “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and love and a sound mind.”  A fun creative task that you can do with your children is to write out some verses, and then have your children decorate them with glow in the dark paint and hang them all about their bedrooms.  When they begin to feel afraid, they will be able to see the verses and then speak them out loud to eradicate all fear. 

Additionally, some parents speak blessings over their children at night, before they go to sleep.  To read more about how you can bless your children too, visit this blog.

Be sure to let your children know that you will always be there, close by, and will check up on them during the night too.  This will encourage them to learn to fight their fears on their own and develop confidence in doing so.  But, if need be, you will be there too to help along the way.

Fear of the dark is quite common for children and it is important to help them to learn to stand against fear on their own.   Scripture verses for fighting fear can be used for every issue that arouses fear in a person.  The more your children have renewed their minds with Bible verses, the better they will be able to withstand the forces that come against them as they grow up.

Helping Your Child with the Fear of Failure

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It is often said that the fear of failure is now a childhood epidemic.  Fear of failing causes children to not participate in sports and other activities or even try to do their best.  Children learn to make up excuses for not succeeding.  Parents can contribute to their children’s fear too by conditioning their love for their children on their children’s abilities to achieve success.  For example, a parent may indicate to a child through words or behavior that the parent only loves the child if the child is the lead scorer in a game. 

As human beings, we know that failure is a part of life.  How we deal with failure is also an important part of life.  As Christian parents, we should turn to the Bible for guidance.  God knows that we will suffer anger and disappointment but we should not forget that God is always with us, no matter what happens.  Proverbs 24:16 says that “Even if good people fall seven times, they will get up. But when trouble strikes the wicked, that’s the end of them.”

There are many examples in the Bible of great men and women who suffered from fears but became overcomers, trusting in the Lord.  One of the best examples for me is Joshua, Moses’ right hand man and a great general.  After Moses died, God told to Joshua to take the people of Israel into the promised land.   In Chapter 1 of the Book of Joshua, God repeatedly told Joshua “Be strong and courageous”.  Why did God have to tell Joshua this many times?  I am certain that Joshua was fearful, even though he had been through many successful battles already.  What God was asking him to do was huge!

God explained to Joshua how he would become strong and courageous.  He said that Joshua was to keep the Bible before him, always studying and speaking it.  Additionally, God told him that He would be with him, wherever he went.  Joshua did encounter some failures, but he always came to God to understand why.  And, importantly, he never gave up.  Joshua is known for being a great man of faith.