Children

As Christian Parents, Should We Allow Our Children To Go On Sleepovers?

As Christian Parents, Should We Allow Our Children To Go On Sleepovers?

As a mother of two boys, I know all about sleepovers.  You have a house full of kids, who don’t want to sleep and who eat continuously through the day and night.  Sleepovers are fun times for children. But, be cautioned.  You need to protect your children from other children and even their parents who may have a bad influence on them as well as anyone else who may be in the home when your children are there for the sleepover.

I did not welcome invitations from parents whom I didn’t know. Random sleepovers were not permitted.  If I knew the parents and children, I would inquire as to what types of activities were planned; who would be supervising the children; what would they be eating and drinking; and what types of games were they going to play.

    Even after so much scrutiny and diligence though, something slipped by.  I remember picking up my oldest son from a sleepover late one morning.  He was about 10 years old at the time.  As I arrived at the house, I walked in the front door to the living room.  I then observed my son playing a video game with another boy.  As I looked closely, to my shock and dismay, the video game involved hitting and kicking women all over their bodies (including their heads, stomachs, and private parts) in fight scenes.  This was a family who attended church regularly, but the parents were not monitoring the types of video games in their house.  On the drive home, I explained to my son about the problem with that video game and that men should not hit women.  During the following week at church, I even spoke with the parents about the game.    When I observed their nonchalant attitude, I knew my son was not going to spend time there again.

Helping Our Children Choose Their Friends

Do not be misled: bad company corrupts good character.
— 1 Corinthians 15:33 (NIV)
Helping Our Children Choose Their Friends

    As a parent, have you ever thought about helping your children choose their friends?  You may think – that’s not my role as a parent or my child should be able to choose his/her own friends.  In my humble opinion, I think that parents should play a huge role in who their children consider as friends and spend time with. 

    I was always on the look out for good friends for my sons.  Since I volunteered in the children’s ministry at my church, I had special insight into the children who attended.  I closely observed the child’s and parents’ demeanors.  Did the parents bring their children to church every Sunday or just once in a while?  Were they on time?  Were the children clean and fed?  Did they have good manners?  Did the parents and/or children use bad words?   Did the children tell lies?  What did the family do over the weekend?  Was reading and doing well in school important to the child and parents? 

    I took the scripture verse in 1 Corinthians 15:33 very seriously because I knew that bad company has a very negative effect on good character.  I wanted to raise two sons who would be Godly young men.  Yes, I was called a strict parent, but what is the alternative?  I encourage you to play a very active role in your children’s lives rather than just being a spectator. 

Author Soraya Diase Coffelt

Children Are Precious Gifts From God So Treat Them As Such

Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward.
— Psalm 127:3 (NASB)

We just finished the Christmas season with gift giving being an important part of the celebration (of course, with Jesus at the center of it all).  Many of us gave or received beautiful and expensive gifts.  But did you know that your children are also precious gifts from God? 

What have we done with those gifts we received this Christmas that were “precious” to us?  Of course, we made sure that the gifts were well taken care of, safe and protected because we certainly do not want anything to happen to them.  They are too important to us.  We also spend time with those gifts, whether it is wearing them or driving in them, or going somewhere special with them.  Since the gifts are so valuable to us, we want to make sure we spend significant time with them, not just a few minutes. 

As gifts directly from God, don’t your children deserve such treatment, and even better?  Think about ways that you can make your children feel that they are such precious gifts too you each and every day.   Please don’t skip a day, though, because their memories can be short. 

Author Soraya Diase Coffelt

Laughing and Reading at the Same Time

What do children love to do and is very natural for them?  To laugh!  Also, we have all heard about how good laughter is for us because it helps reduce stress.  

According to the website for the Women’s and Children’s Network on Kids’ Health, some children did a survey of what made the people in their class laugh.  Here is what they found:

  • "My little brother makes me laugh because he does such funny things - he's only a baby."

  • "Knock knock jokes."

  • "Watching funny movies."

  • "My friend - because he is really funny."

  • "My favorite comedians."

  • "Hanging out with my friends because we have fun together and laugh a lot."

  • "Watching home movies, especially when mom and dad look so funny with their hairstyles and the clothes they had when they were young."

Since my passion is to promote reading, I would like to connect the dots between encouraging reading and laughter. One of the types of books we had at our home for our sons to read were joke books.  We loved to laugh and our sons seemed to be natural at laughing and joking around.  The joke books were a special family treat on occasions.

Today, with the expansion of the internet, there are all sorts of websites that have good, clean jokes and riddles for children to read and enjoy.  So, spend some time laughing and reading with your children.  Those will be very special times indeed!

Author Soraya Diase Coffelt

Some Suggestions for New Year’s Resolutions to Promote Reading

Happy new year!  Yes, it’s 2016 and I have some suggestions for new year’s resolutions to help promote reading in your family.  

#1 – Plan weekend family outings to your local library.  I cannot mention enough about the wealth of information and books that are available in public libraries.  Search the internet to find out what your library has to offer on the weekends for children and attend the events.  Above all, check out books and other material for your children to read, at no cost!

#2 – Have a variety of reading materials available at home.  Don’t let your children get bored with what reading materials you have.  In addition to fiction, have biographies, comic books, audible books, and books in other formats (on your Kindle or iPad).  

#3 – Intentionally set aside time each day to read.  That will take discipline on your part.  One of the best times to read is when you are putting your child to bed at night, or after dinner is finished.  Don’t wait until you are totally exhausted and sleepy to do this.  Plan time for reading in your schedule as you would any other important event.  Remember – your child is worth it!

#4 – Limit the video and computer games.  Children can sit in front of a screen (whether a large computer screen or the small screen on your mobile phone) playing games endlessly.  Many parents use these games as babysitters.  Instead of just having your child play these games, try downloading some good books and have your child read them.  That way, they will sit quietly and develop good reading habits at the same time.

Of course, there are many more suggestions that I can make.  But, let’s start with these in 2016.  You will be taking a huge step by making and following through with these resolutions. 

Author Soraya Diase Coffelt

As Mothers, Do We Know the Importance of the Children We Gave Birth To?

    This Christmas season, one of my most favorite songs is “Mary, Did You Know?” written by Mark Lowry.  In that song, Mary is asked whether she knew how great her child Jesus would be.  Did Mary know that her son would walk on water?  That he would calm the storm with his hand?  As she kissed his face, did she know that he had come to save us?  That he was the Lord of all creation?  The questions continue throughout the song.

    I love this song because I wonder what Mary thought about her son as she caressed him in her arms.  She was chosen by God to fulfill this critical role.  And as a mother, I think about my own sons.  I believe that I too was chosen by God to be the mother of my sons.  Do I truly know how important my sons are to God and how important they will be to their generation and generations to follow?  Do I expect greatness and importance out of them?  When they were babies, I held them in my arms and loved them as only a mother could.  And, yes, I do expect great things from my sons, because of who they are in Christ.  I know that God has great destinies for them.  

Author Soraya Diase Coffelt

Mentors Wanted – Will You Apply?

    People frequently complain about the direction that many of our young men and women are going.  Music, clothing, hair, speech – all of these are subjects of complaints.  Instead of complaining though, I believe that we should diligently seek to bring assistance.  That’s where mentors are needed.

    When was the last time that you mentored a child or young adult?  The Apostle Paul is a very good example for us to follow.  He was a mentor to young Timothy, whom Paul referred to as “his true son in the faith”.   Paul knew both Timothy’s mother, Eunice, who converted to the faith, and his grandmother, Lois.  Paul credited much of Timothy’s good upbringing to his mother and grandmother. As a mentor, you should get to know the child’s family as that will help you fully understand the child. 

    Paul spent a lot of time with Timothy as they often traveled and ministered together.  Timothy was in a unique position to walk daily side by side with Paul, listen to Paul, and learn from Paul’s preaching as well as observe his demeanor. Timothy was dedicated to Paul and serving God, and as a result, Paul referred to him as “his fellow worker”.   As a mentor, you should spend time with the child so the child can learn from you. Remember that you are serving as a role model, so be extremely attentive to your every word and movement.  

    Paul frequently expressed his praise and love for Timothy.  Paul referred to him as his faithful son and his beloved child. He was proud to send Timothy to help others as Timothy had served him well and publicly commended Timothy’s service to him - as a child serves a father.  As a mentor, you should encourage and praise a child often.  Look for the good rather than the bad.  

    Don’t complain – help.  Our children and young adults need your assistance in mentoring them. 

Creative Ways to Help Your Children Become More Thankful and Encourage Reading at the Same Time

Image from www.courageforkids.com

Image from www.courageforkids.com

    I write often about the importance of literacy.  Since this month is November - the month of Thanksgiving Day - I want to merge the concepts of being thankful with reading.  How can we help our children become more thankful and encourage reading at the same time?

    As a Christian, I always turn first to the Bible for guidance.  With so many research tools available online as well as electronic Bibles, it is relatively easy to search for verses with the words “thanks” and “thankful” in the Bible.  There are many.  Encourage your children to read some of these verses and write them down.  One of my favorite verses is Psalm 188:1 - “Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever.” 

    Another idea is to have your children write on sticky notes once a day what they are thankful for and create an area in your home where they can put up these sticky notes as reminders.   Examples are “I’m thankful for my dog” and “I’m thankful for a sunny day to play outside” and “I’m thankful for food to eat today”.  Encourage your children to read them every day.  

    Also, help your children write “thank you” notes for gifts or for any occasion when such a note can be used.  I recently received in the mail a “thank you” card from one of my teenage nieces thanking me for a birthday gift I sent to her.  It was very special to me because it showed me that she took the time to think about thanking me and about what to write to me and then she took the time to actually write it out to me.  That one little handwritten note showed me that she cared for me and wanted to let me know how much she cared.  

    The list of ideas is endless.  Begin incorporating some in your day to day activities. 

Author Soraya Diase Coffelt

Getting Our Boys to Read More

MY son, James, with his first book.

Many parents talk about the difficulties they have in getting their sons to read more.  They complain about the fact that reading is seen as being nerdy and it’s challenging to find books that boys like.  In classrooms, teachers often seem at a loss as to how to encourage the boys to read more.  Many just don’t know about the plethora of subjects that boys like to read about and what books are available.  

 I’m a mother of two sons and understand those sentiments.  However, I profoundly believe that parents should be determined and assertive in fostering the good habit of reading in their children.  My late husband and I were good role models for our sons because we read a lot, individually and as a family.  I often would go to my sons’ schools to speak to teachers if I believed reading wasn’t being encouraged enough and suggested good books for the students.  We even purchased books for a school’s library to encourage reading.  

 Now with the internet, there is so much information available and even websites dedicated to boys reading such as www.guysread.com so there is no excuse.  Don’t just sit back and expect your children, especially boys, to develop the love of reading.  Find out what subjects they are interested in and then go and look for books on those subjects.  If your son is interested in robots for example, actively search for books on robots.  I found that my sons loved reading books about intergalactic wars and soon found that many came in wonderful series.  We visited bookstores and libraries to get as many books in various series as we could.  

I would love to hear what you have done to encourage your children to read, especially your sons.  Please let me know.

When was the Last Time that You Read a Fairy Tale to Your Child?

From Disney's The Princess & the Frog movie.

If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.
— Albert Einstein

    Oh those wonderful fairy tales!  I read so many as I was growing up.   The Princess and the Frog - Cinderella – Rumpelstiltskin – Little Red Riding Hood - and many, many more.  Those stories were so enjoyable and filled with immense creativity that stirred my imagination.  Are there really talking frogs? Why would a princess kiss a frog?  Can a frog actually turn into a handsome prince?  Would the prince ever be able to turn back into a frog again?
    
    Why read fairy tales to and with your children?  The genius Albert Einstein knew why, and that is the foundation for his quote which inspired my blog post.  He understood what I as a child experienced while reading them – a creative imagination being massaged and developed.  Fairy tales cause a child’s mind to think outside of the box, beyond every day natural occurrences.  They stir a young brain to work and think differently and to ask questions.  If a princess will kiss a frog, what else is possible? With our imagination, we can imagine anything.   I truly believe that Einstein read so many fairy tales that they eventually impacted his intelligence, ultimately causing him to come up with the theory of relativity.  

Author Soraya Diase Coffelt

A Child’s Vocabulary at Age 2 Can Determine That Child’s Ultimate Success in Kindergarten and Life

Some people may believe that the title of this blog is an exaggeration.  Can a child’s vocabulary at age 2 truly predict the child’s success in kindergarten and later in life?  So says author Aaron Loewenberg, a former kindergarten teacher who is now focusing his efforts on education policy and leadership after obtaining a master’s degree, in his recent online article New Research: Two-Year-Old Vocabulary Predicts Kindergarten Success.  Importantly, don’t just take his word for it.

Loewenberg cites many studies showing not only that a child’s success in kindergarten is based on the child’s vocabulary, but also the child’s success throughout life.  In fact, he states that “children who enter kindergarten with strong early reading and math skills are more likely to attend college, own homes, and have 401(k) savings. They are also more likely to be married and live in higher income neighborhoods once they reach adulthood.”  

Links are provided to all the studies that he cites, giving the reader an opportunity to look at the research articles and findings.   Of great concern are the findings that children from lower income families suffer the most from the lack of vocabulary skills.  Early intervention is the key – with “early” referring to the years before kindergarten.  Loewenberg concludes as follows: “If this new study linking the vocabulary of two-year-olds to kindergarten success proves anything, it’s that it’s never too early to start building the vocabulary skills of our youngest learners.”  I wholeheartedly agree!

Read the entire article by CLICKICLICKING HEREG HERE.

Author Soraya Diase Coffelt

Good Manners Don’t Fall from a Tree- You must Teach Them to Your Children

I sincerely believe that Christians should have the best mannered children.  Why?  Because we are to be an example to the world in every way, including how we raise our children.  

Of course, good manners start at home.  In her book “Taming the Family Zoo: Six Weeks to Raising a Well Mannered Child”, author Donna Jones gives many ways to teach our children good manners.  Here are some of them:

  1. Teach the magic words.  Children need to know why “thank you”, “please” and all the other magic words are very important to their vocabulary.  Once they practice them at home, your children will have mastered their use, so using them in public will be natural to them.

  2. Teach wise behavior in public.  Children need to know that they shouldn’t be running around in public, climbing on chairs, raising their voices, cutting in lines, etc.  Proper public behavior starts at home.  If you allow them to do these or similar things at home, they will do them in public.  

  3. Teach good table manners.  Start at home of course.  Don’t allow your children to talk with their mouths full of food.  Show them how to place napkins in their laps and to keep their elbows off the table.  Don’t let them reach over someone else to get food.  Once they learn their manners at home, they will use them naturally at a public dining place or at a friend’s house. 

Read the entire article on her book by clicking here.

Author Soraya Diase Coffelt

Scientific Evidence That Reading Positively Affects Children’s Brains

In a study issued in April, 2015, the American Academy of Pediatrics revealed scientific evidence of the positive effects that reading has on younger children. For years, pediatricians have encouraged new parents to read to their babies as early and often as possible. Now there is actual scientific proof through MRI testing establishing how reading to children influences different brain activities which then helps in the development of oral language skills and ultimately reading skills.  The children who were a part of the scientific study underwent MRI testing while they were listening to stories via headphones. The researchers were able to monitor their brain activity.  Here is an excerpt from the article in Science Daily that discusses the findings:

We are excited to show, for the first time, that reading exposure during the critical stage of development prior to kindergarten seems to have a meaningful, measurable impact on how a child’s brain processes stories and may help predict reading success,” said study author John Hutton, MD, National Research Service Award Fellow, Division of General and Community Pediatrics, Reading and Literacy Discovery Center, Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center. “Of particular importance are brain areas supporting mental imagery, helping the child ‘see the story’ beyond the pictures, affirming the invaluable role of imagination.
— Science Daily

Read more of the article by CLICKING HERE.

What Does the Bible Have to Say About Good Manners?

Actually, the Bible has a lot to say about good manners. In fact, at this site you can find 23 Bible verses about manners.  Voted the most popular Bible verse on manners is Luke 6:31, “And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.” (ESV)

I live in the U.S. Virgin Islands which is a part of the West Indies.  We West Indians are known for being very polite people.  We always greet another person, whether we know the person or not, with “Good morning” or “Good afternoon”, or whatever the time of day or night. As a matter of fact, if we do not greet a person that way from the beginning of the contact, the person immediately believes that we have no manners and would consider us to be rude.

I believe that good manners are just not being emphasized by parents any more.  We tend to excuse the child saying such things as “He’s just shy” or “She’s just tired today” or “He’s having a bad day”, or “She’s just a child-when she grows up, she’ll know better”, etc., etc.  Importantly, however, good manners should be ingrained in children, so that as your children grow up, good manners are such an integral part of them, that they automatically respond with good manners in every situation.  

Author Soraya Diase Coffelt

 

Using Music to Help Children Build Language and Literacy Skills

Studies have shown that music helps students learn not only rhythm and motor skills, but importantly also language and literary skills.  One such study, by Professors Patricia Cullingham and Richard Allington in 2011, found that when we see or hear words in a new context, our brain creates new synapses (connections) to those words. Professors Cullingham and Allington advocate that children be exposed to vocabulary and other literacy skills in different and meaningful ways. Music has been a very effective tool in bringing meaning to new material including skills in literacy.  

How can parents use music to help their children with language and literacy skills? First, parents can use songbooks so that their children read the words and sing their favorite songs. Second, parents can sing songs with their children.  Visit this website for songs that build reading and language skills - CLICK HERE.

Third, take the words that are repeated in songs and read them in print.  Two books that can be used are Over the Rainbow and Puff the Magic Dragon, both beautifully illustrated by Eric Puybaret.  Fourth, encourage your children to take part in afterschool music ensembles that inspire creativity and involve expression through the arts.

Inspiring Family Reading

I have such fond memories of reading together as a family with my two sons and late husband.  As often as we could, we would huddle together on our bed and read a good book.  In the beginning, I would read out loud to everyone, but as the boys became better readers, they would read out loud to us.  How much time we spent reading together varied depending on our schedules and the type of book we were reading. 

    One of our most favorite books was the Hank the Cow Dog series by John Erickson.  We bought and read every single book in that series.  The series is about a dog named Hank and his sidekick Drover who lived on a ranch and had many funny adventures.  There were other characters who added exceptionally hilarious times, such as Pete the sly barn cat.  As we read, we would pause and laugh and then go back to reading.  We would stop reading whenever we wanted.  Sometimes, there would be an argument as to whether we should stop at a certain point or continue because of the suspense, but often, we read about a chapter a week.  We loved that series so much that we purchased and donated it to the library at my sons’ school.  

    I would like to inspire you to read as a family too.  The memories are precious and last a lifetime.  It is also a great bonding and teaching time for the kids. 

Author Soraya Diase Coffelt

 

The Important Role that Grandparents Play in Emphasizing Reading

    Grandparents are such influential people in the lives of our children.  One very important influence should be in building reading skills and emphasizing reading.  According to the Children’s Reading Foundation, grandparents can spoil their grandchildren in good ways by giving them a reading-rich lifestyle.

Here are some suggestions from the Foundation as to what grandparents can do whether they live close by or not:

  • Sing songs, recite poetry and do finger plays to help develop language and listening skills.

  • Play word games and do puzzles together. These activities provide wonderful opportunities to build vocabulary.

  • Offer books or magazine subscriptions as gifts for birthdays and other special occasions.

  • Invite your grandchild to the bookstore or library for story hour. Don’t rush. Take time to browse the books and to cuddle together in the cozy chairs. Time is your gift to give. 

  • Let your grandchild see you reading and enjoying books. When you’re together, read aloud the words on signs, menus, and captions under an interesting photograph in a magazine or newspaper.

Author Soraya Diase Coffelt

When was the Last Time that You Read to a Child in Your Lap?

Children are made readers on the laps of their parents.
— Emilie Buchwald

           Reading time with children should always be a fun time for you and them.  Have you thought about it also being a time to show your child your love?  When was the last time that you put your child in your lap and actually read to him/her?  This quote from Emile Buchwald is very touching to me.  Generally, children learn the love of reading from their parents.  They observe their parents reading.  Their parents spend time reading to them.  But, actually taking your child and sitting your child on your lap to read is extremely loving and personal.  It is saying to your child “I love you so much that I want to share this special time and book with you and build a loving relationship while we do it.” 

          Twenty years from now – what do you want your child to remember of the childhood years?  A mom or dad who were too busy to sit down and read a book to and with them?  Or a mom and dad who intentionally set aside time for the child to make the child feel loved and important?  Create memories now and build a reader while you are doing it.

Author Soraya Diase Coffelt

 

Include Visiting a Library at Your Vacation Spot as Part of Your Family’s Travel Plans

    Have you ever thought of visiting a library at your vacation spot as part of your family’s travel plans?  I’m sure that, at first, this may sound strange or odd.  But, take a few minutes to think about it.

    Libraries all over the US are seeking ways to better serve the public.  Most of them have very active children’s sections with regular readings, puppet shows, children’s art displays, and computer activities all aimed at fostering a love of reading. 

    My parents retired to live in a senior citizen community just north of Orlando, Florida.  When we visited them, we, of course, included trips to the many theme parks in the area.  But, that wasn’t all – we also regularly visited the Orlando Public Library.  My sons had interesting adventures in the children’s section amongst the great books available! Their imagination was the limit!

    Search the internet about the library located at your vacation spot.  The website www.publiclibraries.com is helpful to find one with just one easy click.  On the website for the Orlando Public Library, I found some very interesting topics for adults and children: a class on learning how to pack healthy lunches for kids; a talk on family adventures by a travel author; “end of summer” events with costumes and prizes; and much more. 

Author Soraya Diase Coffelt

The Importance of Children Having Pets

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
— Groucho Marx

When my children were growing up, we usually had a dog and a cat for them to play with and take care of.  Research has shown that pets have an important role in the lives of children.  They teach compassion and love; responsibility; and companionship.  Often, they provide security to a child.  

It’s very important though to make sure that your family has the time and energy to take care of a pet, especially a dog.  If you get a puppy, understand that a lot of time will have to be invested training the puppy, especially if it is to be an indoors pet.

 One of my sisters recently bought a puppy at a fundraising auction for her children’s school.  Yes – the puppy looked oh so cute.  But, little did she know what they would have to endure as a family with a new puppy – constant yipping, going to the bathroom all over the house, barking at everyone, etc.  It is now almost 9 months since she purchased the puppy, and things have improved, but after much struggle.

There are many adult dogs and cats that can be adopted too.  Take the plunge if you haven’t already.  A pet adds a special dynamic to your children’s lives.

Author Soraya Diase Coffelt