Be Sure to Include the Children in Family Virtual Meetings

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I think that one of the best things that has happened during the COVID19 pandemic is families using virtual meetings to stay in touch with each other.  My family started to do that with our extended family every two weeks and it has been a source of joy, bringing us closer together.  Planning a virtual meeting is very helpful to make sure you have topics to stir conversations and always remember to include the children.

I view these family virtual meetings as similar to when all the family members get together to share a meal.  During those mealtimes, children are all around us, enjoying the meal and often listening to the conversations too and joining in the laughter. 

Sometimes, it is challenging to get your children to talk about what is going on in their lives.  How do we get them to participate?  One of the ways I recommend is to plan ahead of time as to what topics will be discussed.  Tell your children about those topics and ask them to think about what they will say.  Be sure to ask them to share their thoughts during the virtual meeting.

Since children love to laugh, you can plan on a joke fest.  Have each person select and tell a joke about something during the pandemic. Laughter is the best medicine!

It is important that all children feel acknowledged and respected.  Siblings can be condemning to each other so establish ground rules ahead of time that put downs and criticisms will not be tolerated.   If you see another family member’s child at the virtual meeting but not talking, you can try asking that child a specific question. 

The topics to talk about during the virtual meetings are innumerable.  Let’s make sure to actively include children in our discussions.

Should Children Help Clean Their Own Schools?

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Photo provided by Singapore Press Holdings

The fact that children in Japan help to clean their own classrooms and schools is back in the news.  That is nothing new though, as they have been doing so for many years.  It is a tradition called o-soji (cleaning).

According to Fino Menezes, author of the online article Should Children Clean Their Own Schools? Japan Thinks So, Japanese children are better for it.  How? “They are learning to respect their surroundings. They are learning that it’s better not to make a mess if you are the one who has to clean it up.”

Children spend about 20 minutes a day, 4 days a week, and then a longer time at the end of each semester cleaning.  Often, students from higher grades assist students from the lower grades.  As a result, young children are being mentored and older children are teaching younger ones.   The cleaning is done to fun music and the children are happy and smiling doing the tasks.

According to Donald Ash, an American who teaches in Japan, in his website article Huh? Japanese Kids Clean Their Classrooms?!?, he was very surprised to see this tradition in practice.  Coming from the public school system in Georgia, he never cleaned at the school except if it was part of a school club project.  The common thinking was “Let the janitors handle it.” But, once he was a teacher in Japan, he was awe struck by the children so willingly cleaning.  He comments that even the most difficult students gladly cleaned.

At the end of his article Mr. Ash asks: “Do you think it could ever happen at your school (in the US)?”  What do you think?

For more, read: Should Children Clean Their Own Schools? Japan Thinks So, or Japanese Kids Clean Their Classroom? 

When Was the Last Time That You Took Your Child to Work?

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Keeping your children’s brains continually active during the summer vacation months is a challenge.  I will continue to provide a number of ways for you to do so in my blog posts.  In this week’s blog post, I suggest considering setting aside a day to bring your children to work with you to see and learn about what you do for your profession.  There is a national day set aside for bringing your children to work during the month of April, but I think that summertime may be a good time as well to have them visit.  Be sure to speak with your employer first and get the visit approved.  And, importantly, plan for what they will be doing.

There are some excellent ideas at the website below that you can use.   You will need to plan for and cater to children of different ages.  Please remember that this is not a free-for-all to have your children running around the office or having co-workers babysit for you.  This is a teachable time for your children. You can plan for a half-day or full-day visit and include other parents who may be interested as well.

You should also consider having your children visit the workplace of a close friend or relative.  That way, they will learn about a variety of professions.

Be sure to talk with them at the end of the day about what they have learned.  Ask them questions and listen to their answers.  Take the time to help them understand what your profession is all about.  They are growing and learning and need your assistance.

For more ideas, please CLICK HERE.

Helping Your Young Teens Find Summer Jobs

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I don’t usually write about issues relating to young teens but thought a blog post about helping them find summer jobs would be informative.  As a teenager, I wanted to work during the summers to earn that extra bit of spending money and I’m sure that like me, your children are eager to do the same.  Of course, you should first check the employment laws of your state to find out the age that your children can start working at an official job and if a work permit is required.  There are full and part-time jobs that your early teens, especially, may be willing to do.

Babysitting is at the top of the list.  I did that a lot during my teenage years – both during the day, when necessary, but mostly in the evenings.  As I babysat for one family, soon other families heard about how good I was and then I was in high demand.  I eventually limited babysitting to one family who used my services frequently. 

If your young teen enjoys being with children and is mature and responsible, consider babysitting.  It is not all fun and games, though, as the safety and well-being of children are involved.  Your child should be prepared for all that may happen, with you as the parent being available as a backup in the event of an emergency.  A great babysitting training course is offered by the Red Cross in many areas, both in person and online.  The link to the course is provided below.  Being a certified Red Cross babysitter will give your child bonus points for prospective employers.

Being a dog walker and pet sitter are also age-appropriate jobs.  Families travel a lot during the summer so they need someone to take care of their pets.  Again, your young teen must like pets. Have your child become familiar with the pet and the pet familiar with him before taking the job.  Make sure that he understands all the feeding and walking instructions before the family leaves.  Also make sure that the route for the walk is safe for the child and the dog.  Your child should not walk the dog in unfamiliar areas.

House sitting is another job that is available in the summer, as families travel.  The duties usually involve watering plants, picking up the mail and packages, mowing the lawn, and keeping an eye out for anything that is happening around the house.

There are many opportunities for your young teen to get out of the house during the summer and earn some money.  Help him network and prepare.  He will benefit tremendously.

Please check out this website for more information on the Red Cross babysitting training course: CLICK HERE

Should Your Children Do Chores and Be Paid?

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Maintaining a house with children requires that work be done on a daily basis.  The debate continues as to whether our children should be doing household chores and if they do, should they be paid.  I’m a firm believer in children contributing to the household by helping with chores as well as giving them an allowance as some sort of compensation for doing those chores.  What I would like to do in this blog is discuss both sides of the debate and let you come up with your own conclusions – of course, with some bias on my part.

People who take the position that children should not be required to do chores focus their arguments on two main points.  First, they argue that children should enjoy their time during their tender years and be free to play and grow up without a lot of demands being made on them.  Second, they assert that children have homework and other everyday demands on their lives and adding chores on top of their already filled schedules would be too overbearing for them.

On the other hand, people who favor having children do chores argue that chores teach children to be responsible and disciplined, as well as to develop important life skills.  Also, it is argued that children who do chores actively contribute to the household rather than expecting someone else to do things for them.

As I mentioned, I am a proponent of having children do household chores.  They are part of the family unit and as such, benefit from all the fun and good times we have and should also participate in the tasks that need to be done to keep a household functioning well.   Of course, the chores should be age appropriate and parents should encourage children to do them rather than complain and criticize them.  I know that many times that it can be difficult for parents not to nag, especially if you have a recalcitrant or procrastinating child, but there are many helpful articles online that can assist parents in finding solutions to these issues.

If you decide to have your children do chores, should you give your children  allowances or otherwise pay them for doing chores?  Many experts do not believe that young children should be paid because they are not motivated by money.  However, older children are indeed motivated to earn spending money.   Payment for chores is likely to ensure that the chores get done. 

Here are some helpful online articles:

• Chores for Children

• Why I Don’t Make My Kids Do Chores

• Should You Pay Your Kids

Caregiving and Children

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Photo courtesy CNN

November is National Family Caregivers Month.  Many organizations such as AARP have information that is helpful to families who have caregivers.  In this week’s blog, I would like to write about children who are caregivers because oftentimes, we do not consider them as caregivers, even though there are many who are, and we do not consider the impact caregiving can have on them at a young age. 

My late husband was unable to walk for the last six years of his life, due to a stroke and the slow debilitating effects of Parkinson’s disease.   Our two sons assisted me with taking care of him for many years, so I can personally describe the difficulties we endured and how caregiving affected them.   

In the beginning, when my husband first became unable to walk on his own,  we, as a family, had to learn all about how to assist him with his day to day needs.  Of course, the most pressing need was transferring him out of the bed into a wheelchair and then from the wheelchair into a regular chair and then back again.  I relied on my sons to learn from the physical therapists and do this.   It was not easy for them, but they were able to master the transfer process, as they had to do it many times during the day and night.

It was important to me to continue to take my husband out for lunch or dinner and to different events, to keep him active and social.  My sons, of course, were there to assist with whatever we needed. 

My sons observed their father go from a successful businessman and active father, to one who was extremely limited physically due to his health challenges.  Communicating with them about their father’s decline in health was often difficult, as they too were suffering grief.  Their outlets were their friends and playing sports. 

I can honestly say that my taking care of their father was made easier with their love and assistance.  And, their father certainly enjoyed and appreciated their participation.  They showed love and honor to me and their father with their acts of kindness!

To read more about children as caregivers, please click here.

Helping Your Children Become Entrepreneurs

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We should encourage entrepreneurship spirit in our children beginning at a young age.  Children are very creative and having a dream to establish a business and be self-sufficient and successful are very positive goals.

My parents were small business owners.  I saw how they struggled to make ends meet when their business was established and then the benefits they reaped as the business grew.  After I graduated from law school and returned home to practice law, the seeds they had planted in me for entrepreneurship began to grow and I established my own private law practice.  My parents always encouraged me and my sisters to be self-sufficient and follow our dreams.

Later, as a mother with two sons, I hired them to work in my office to do general office tasks after school and on the weekends.  By working with me in that business environment, they were able to experience hands on training about what it is like to own your business and the dedication and hard work it takes to be successful.

Many children do not have the opportunities that I and my children had but parents can still open their children’s minds to the possible business opportunities that are available.   Children frequently ask for money so why not think about ways to help them earn money rather than just giving it to them.  If your children’s school has classes that teach entrepreneurship, encourage your children to take them.  If there are after-school activities and clubs centered on business ownership and development, again, encourage your children to participate.  

Of course, the typical business idea for children is the ubiquitous lemonade stand.  However, there are many websites that have ideas for children’s businesses.  At the end of my blog, I will give you a website with some very creative suggestions.

The key component is the parents’ involvement to help start and run the business, as children cannot possibly do it themselves.  Please do not start a business and then give up because you allow other tasks or activities to take precedence.   Many factors must be considered before starting a business with your children, including the time commitment involved, the availability of financing, and the general logistics of where and how it will be operated.  As the old saying goes, failing to plan is planning to fail.  

Please visit this website for some business ideas for children: click here

Working Parents: Have a Plan for Taking Time Off From Work When Your Children Need You

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Whether your child has an illness or injury, or the babysitter could not make it, taking unexpected time off from work can be tricky.  When both parents work, this can cause unnecessary tension because of arguments about who is going to stay home and take care of the child.  To prevent this from happening, it is very important to develop a plan ahead of time with your spouse about unanticipated “at home” days.

One important consideration is who has the most flexible schedule on any given day.   It may be that an arrangement can be worked out where both parents  divide the caretaking day in half.  If one spouse has mostly morning meetings and the other spouse has them in the afternoon, you can both work around your schedules.  My late husband and I did this.  His schedule was generally more flexible than mine, since as a lawyer, my schedule could be extremely busy.  We worked it out though between us, always keeping our focus on what was best for our children.  Compromise is very important as it reduces the parents’ stress levels and aids in flexible decision making, which of course, leaves more time for you both to focus on your child who needs you.

Speak to your office manager or human services representative ahead of time about the protocol for working from home or having children in the workplace. Many companies allow a parent to work from home if he is unable to come to the office and some allow children to be in the office under special circumstances.

If you and your spouse are not able to do any of the above, research alternatives.  Often retired relatives or friends will assist for a short while.  What is critical is that you do not wait until you need assistance to find a solution.

Raising children can be filled with ups and downs.  Having a plan and being willing to compromise - those are the key elements to surviving a sudden at-home stay.  Life is always going to throw curveballs at you, but being proactive can make them a little easier to catch