Teaching Kindness and Compassion To Our Children

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Galatians 5:22-23 lists kindness as one of the fruits of the Spirit that we should develop.   In this fast paced world and with all the negative information on television and the internet, it is even more important that we cultivate kindness and compassion in our children.

What are kind acts?  Jesus modeled kindness through such acts as healing the blind and eating with sinners. There are those acts that you can do in your neighborhood or community and those that you can do at home.  One of the acts of kindness that I have done over the years is to help feed homeless persons, not only during the holidays, but also during other times of the year.  Even when I travel, I try to spend time volunteering in some service capacity.

Once I was on a trip to attend a conference in a certain city and arranged for dinner with a friend who lived in that city.  After he picked me up and we were driving to the restaurant, I expressed my concern about how many homeless people were in his city as I felt there were many more as compared to other places I had visited.  My friend commented that I was the only person he knew who actually noticed homeless persons.  I was shocked by his statement.  

Parents can cultivate kindness by having their children volunteer to participate in many activities in their community.  Cleanups in specific areas of town, mowing the lawn for an elderly neighbor, babysitting for a single parent – these are all acts of kindness and compassion.

At home, parents are role models as children imitate them.  Parents should not expect their children to be kind if they are not.  Acts of kindness and words of kindness should be a regular part of a family’s daily ritual.  These include helping carry in bags of groceries; thanking each other for a thoughtful word or gesture; and assisting with a chore or a task.   

As the poem in today’s blog states, kindness and compassion never fail, whether in our communities or in our homes.  It is up to parents to nurture and develop those attributes in their children.

Sharing Jesus With Your Children

As a lay children’s minister for many years, I loved teaching children about Jesus in my church’s children’s ministry.  We used a variety of techniques, from puppet shows to funny skits, to dressing up in clown costumes to fun parties.  Everything was centered on the Word of God. Of course, I was trained to do what I did and relied upon the creativity that God gave me as well.

Many parents find it hard or uncomfortable to talk about Jesus with their children.  But, it shouldn’t be that way as parents are the first teachers of and role models for their children.

When talking with children about Jesus, I recommend to focus first on how much He loves them and wanted to be around children.  Describe some of the instances in the New Testament about Jesus and children.  When the disciples tried to keep the children away from Him, Jesus stopped them and made sure the children were allowed to come to Him.  He said that the kingdom of God belonged to them too.  Matthew 19:13-14; Mark 10:13-16.  One day, He took a child in His arms and told the people that if anyone receives a child in His Name receives Jesus and God, the Father.  Mark 9:36-37.  To illustrate the importance of children, He also told the people that children are not to be despised as their angels in heaven continually see the face of God.  Matthew 18:10.  And, He loved children so very much that He said it was not the will of God that any child should perish.  Matthew 18:14.

I further recommend that parents not limit talking about Jesus and spiritual issues to just Sundays.  All during the week, look for instances to talk about the goodness and love of God such as the beauties of nature; food to eat; a good home to live in; nice clothes to wear; and fun toys and games to play with.  Talk to them about how forgiving God is. The subjects are endless.  What is important is that your children see and hear about God every day. 

When you need assistance, surf the internet to find out what you can do.  There is quite a bit of information available to help parents.          

Sibling Conflict- What To Do If Your Family Has Fallen Victim To It

My sons are adults now but I still look back on those days when they were growing up together and often have to laugh at some of the things they did.  Yes, there was a lot of sibling conflict.  I remember one incident when they both wanted to sit in the front passenger seat of the car, so they raced each other to the car.  One of them got in first and tried to lock the doors with the automatic lock but couldn’t in time.  The other, in turn, tried to keep the door open at the same time as taking control of the automatic lock.  Needless to say, the back and forth between them and the lock caused all the locks in the car to stop working!

Sibling rivalry!  Just what can we do about it?  Based on my research and personal experiences, there are many things that parents can do.  First, encourage your children to be friends, not competitors.  I think that this is harder to do if you have children of the same gender as they often want to outdo each other, especially boys.  Suggest acts of kindness and helpfulness that they can do for each other.  Talk to them about your personal relationships with your siblings and how it is important for your children to have close relationships too.

Also, help each child to develop his/her unique gifts and talents.  Each child is exceptional and your child’s special abilities should be supported.  For my sons, my older son is an athlete and my youngest son has artistic talents, including music and drawing.  We spent some of our time at athletic events, and other time at music lessons.

Some other clever suggestions are: have the older sibling who is arguing pay to the younger sibling $1; if they tell different versions of an argument, have them stay in a room until they come up with the true version; or have them go to separate corners of a room and yell out “I love you” back and forth 20 times as this will get the anger out of them and focus on their relationship as siblings. 

Teaching Our Children About Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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Monday, January 16, is a federal holiday in honor of the great civil rights leader Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  What do you plan to do that day with your children?  Is it just another day off for you to spend time doing chores at home or shopping?  I strongly suggest that you take the time to plan celebrating this holiday and teaching your children about all the accomplishments of this American hero and his tremendous impact on us, and of course, incorporate reading into all your activities.

What are some of the things that you can do?  In her online article on Scholastic.com, Teach Kids About Martin Luther King, Jr., author Denene Millner makes some good suggestions.  First, she says to be honest when talking with your children, even though it may be painful.  Explain to your children that there were days when “Colored People” had their own drinking water fountains.  Tell them about being forced to sit in the back of a bus or to attend separate schools just because of the color of your skin.  Show them pictures of the past so that they can see for themselves what actually happened.

Second, discuss what Dr. King did that directly affects us today and how he promoted nonviolence.

Third, attend and volunteer at events that honor him.  Do some research in your community to find out what are the best activities for your family.

In addition to what Ms. Millner recommends, I would like to recommend that parents discuss who Dr. King was.  Let your children find out all about his interesting background, including that he was a brilliant man who started college when he was 15 years old!  I’m certain that he did a lot of reading as he grew up.  Importantly, he was not only a brave leader, but he was also a husband, father, and minister.

There are many wonderful books about Dr. King for every age group.  Visit your local library or bookstore.  He should not be just a memory in history.  Make this hero come alive for your children because there is so much that they can learn from him.

To read Ms. Millner’s entire article, click here.

What is One of the Most Important New Year’s Resolutions That You Can Make For Your Children? Read more!

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    I came across this post by an unknown author about reading to your children.  As you may know, my blog centers on improving the lives of children, primarily through literacy.  It should be no surprise that I would continue to inspire adults to read more to and with children.  As we begin a new year, I encourage you to add that as a New Year’s resolution as it keeps reading on your most important things “to do” list each day.  

    As the unknown author writes, it only can take 20 minutes a day.  That is 20 minutes out of 1,440 minutes that we have each and every day.  Surely you can squeeze in the time!  But, if there is one day that you just have 10 minutes, still do it.  Don’t put reading off to a time in the future when you believe you will have “enough time” because often, that time does not happen.   Make procrastinating a thing of the past and just do it!

    What about where and when to read?  The author again gives you some suggestions.  Think about all the things that you do each day that require some sort of waiting time, and then add reading.  While you do laundry … while dinner cooks – these are just a few of those times.   Moreover, read during any time of the day – especially on weekends and holidays.  Search for opportunities to read. 

    I love it when the author suggests to “Hide the remote; let the computer games cool.”  We all know that these electronic devices steal reading time away from us.  So, in other words, don’t even turn on the television.  If you have it on, turn it off and then don’t let anyone else turn it on while reading is going on.  With computer games, you may have to pull your children away from them, but pull, pull, pull!  Those games won’t go anywhere and when you give the approval for your children to return to them, they will still be there.

    While reading, have your children snuggle close to you.  This is a wonderful time to bond and love on them.  They hear your voice.  They feel your warm touch.  They know that they are truly loved!  And, as the author says “Hey, don’t quit.”  Tomorrow is another day to read, and read, and read some more.

Raising Thankful Children

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I came across this quote and was taken aback by how simple yet forthright and impactful it was.  Saying “thank you” is such an important part of our relationship with God, our Father, yet how often do we truly do it during our busy days?  How are we teaching our children to be thankful for all that He has given us?  1 Thessalonians 5:18 states “Give thanks in every circumstance for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

It’s the day after Christmas and I’m certain that we all had a lot of gifts to open and indulge in as well as scrumptious meals to enjoy.  We should be thankful for all that He has given us, not just for these physical, worldly gifts, but most importantly, for the intangible ones - our lives, our health, our family, etc., etc.  I could go on and on naming what we can be thankful for each and every second of each and every day.  

Whether we like it or not, we are role models for our children.  If we are not verbally expressing our thanks and showing thankfulness through our actions, the likelihood is that our children will not either.  To raise thankful children, we must first be thankful as parents.  Try expressing thanks out loud each day as part of the family routine, such as when you are driving them to school.  Make it fun and playful.  Point out how they can thank each other for simple acts of kindness.  As a parent, you can thank your children for things that they do, and they should be thanking you as well.  Nurture a thankful spirit within your children and they will be kinder and more loving to you and others. 

Allowing Our Children to Face the Consequences

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As parents, many of us do not want to see our children suffer for their mistakes or negative conduct.  We love them so much that all we want to do is protect them.  A very important parenting tool, however, is that we allow our children to face discomfort and consequences from their actions so that they can learn that their decisions and actions have ramifications in their lives.

As Christian parents, we should have rules for our children to follow.  Have your family write up some rules for everyone to follow.  If and when they violate the rules, natural consequences must follow.  These consequences can be creative ones.  In her online article Creative Consequences for Kids, author Kim Sorgius shares some of her suggestions.  She writes that first, rules at home should be simple and not give a child any wiggle room.  As an example, she requires that her children clean their room.  Once she comes to check, if she finds anything out of order or not put away, she takes the item for a period of time, such as a week.  If the problem continues, she may give the item away to charity.

Another example is when her child is too loud or whinny or saying mean things.   The consequence for that negative behavior is that the child cannot speak for a while.  This especially works well, she writes, when children are driving with you in the car.

After her article, Ms. Sorgius shares comments that other moms have written about what they do for consequences.  One mom wrote: “If you don’t eat what mama cooks you’re gonna be hungry.” How long do you think it will take your child to figure out that he had better eat what his mother or father cooks or he will go hungry?

Be sure to plan out consequences when you are not angry.  Be creative.  Your children will break rules, so expect it and help them learn how to develop character and discipline.  

Read her entire article by CLICKING HERE.

Helping Your Child with the Fear of Failure

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It is often said that the fear of failure is now a childhood epidemic.  Fear of failing causes children to not participate in sports and other activities or even try to do their best.  Children learn to make up excuses for not succeeding.  Parents can contribute to their children’s fear too by conditioning their love for their children on their children’s abilities to achieve success.  For example, a parent may indicate to a child through words or behavior that the parent only loves the child if the child is the lead scorer in a game. 

As human beings, we know that failure is a part of life.  How we deal with failure is also an important part of life.  As Christian parents, we should turn to the Bible for guidance.  God knows that we will suffer anger and disappointment but we should not forget that God is always with us, no matter what happens.  Proverbs 24:16 says that “Even if good people fall seven times, they will get up. But when trouble strikes the wicked, that’s the end of them.”

There are many examples in the Bible of great men and women who suffered from fears but became overcomers, trusting in the Lord.  One of the best examples for me is Joshua, Moses’ right hand man and a great general.  After Moses died, God told to Joshua to take the people of Israel into the promised land.   In Chapter 1 of the Book of Joshua, God repeatedly told Joshua “Be strong and courageous”.  Why did God have to tell Joshua this many times?  I am certain that Joshua was fearful, even though he had been through many successful battles already.  What God was asking him to do was huge!

God explained to Joshua how he would become strong and courageous.  He said that Joshua was to keep the Bible before him, always studying and speaking it.  Additionally, God told him that He would be with him, wherever he went.  Joshua did encounter some failures, but he always came to God to understand why.  And, importantly, he never gave up.  Joshua is known for being a great man of faith.

What Are You Believing For Your Children?

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I am a living example that children are likely to grow up to what their parents believe of them. When I was growing up, my parents would tell me that I could become anything I wanted.  They stressed hard work and a good education.  Back then, there were not very many women attorneys or judges.  But, that didn’t deter me because my parents had instilled in me to dream big.  I worked diligently in school and if I brought home anything less than an “A” on my report card, my parents would be disappointed, telling me that I could have achieved an “A”.   I would work even harder to achieve that “A” because they had told me I could.

When I became a mother, I too passed on to my two sons that they could become anything they wanted.  Ask yourself – what are you believing for your children?  

When I was a judge, I heard many parents tell me in the courtroom what a disappointment their children were and even call them derogatory names.  All the while, their children are in the courtroom listening to what they are saying.  Often, the child would be hanging his or her head down while the parent was speaking.  I often cringed wondering if that is what they are saying about their children in a courtroom, I would hate to hear what they are saying to their children at home!

Proverbs 18:21 says that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue”.  Examine what you are speaking about your children.  Is it life, health and prosperity?  Those should be the only words that you speak over them as words have no end in time and affect their eternity.

How Much Time Do You Spend Each Day Listening to Your Children?

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During these busy holiday times, it is especially difficult for us to take our time as parents, slow down, and listen to our children when they speak.  Active listening skills can be developed - it just takes your desire to want to do it.  I love this quote from Catherine M. Wallace on today’s blog because I believe it is so true.  Listen to your children today and show them you love them so that when they grow up, you will always be considered as a parent to talk to.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have some very important information on their website about parenting and developing the skills of active listening with your children.

Active listening is one of the most important ways to build a close and loving relationship. Here are some of the active learning skills that the CDC recommends:

1. Stop what you are doing and focus your attention exclusively on your child.

2. Engage in eye contact when speaking.

3. Get down to your child’s level physically. If your child is sitting down, sit down too.

4. Reflect or repeat back what you understand your child to be saying to make sure that you completely understand it.

5. Don’t worry about getting things wrong. It is more important that you are listening and trying to understand.

On this website, the CDC gives examples of active listening skills so you can read for yourself and get suggestions.  Please visit it to learn more: CLICK HERE.

Encourage Your Children to Smile

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A warm, smiling face reveals a joy-filled heart.  

Proverbs 15:3

I love this version of Proverbs 15:3.  When I read it, I think of children smiling, genuinely and eagerly, because there is so much natural joy in their hearts.  Children love to play and laugh and have fun.  Smiling is a big part of that.

As a lay children’s minister for many years, I taught God’s Word in a fun-filled way.  I firmly believed that if a child was having fun, the child would learn God’s Word quicker and also know that God is a God of joy and fun.  We did puppet shows and dressed up in costumes to act out stories in the Bible.  Yes, we acted silly and goofy – all to get the children to be happy and excited about our great God. 

For me, smiling is a perfect way to show my faith and my thankful, joy-filled heart.  If I am smiling, that means that I have put my faith in God to help me to have a successful day and overcome any obstacles that try to block my progress.  And, I think that smiling is a sign of strength.  No matter how much pressure may be brought on me, smiling means that I am at peace, having put my trust in God.  Many people believe that smiling and joyfulness only come after our lives are perfect but that is not true.  The Bible says that the joy of the Lord is our strength to be overcomers – not that joy only comes afterward we overcome.   (Nehemiah 8:10)

Smiling to others also encourages others to smile too and can be a blessing to them.  Do you smile to and with your children?  If they see you model smiling, they will be sure to follow in your footsteps.

It has been said that a smile is the prettiest thing that you can wear! What is the alternative? The upside down smile is a frown.

What To Do If You Have a “Shy” Child

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God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, and love and a sound mind.

2 Timothy 1:7

I often hear a parent refer to a child as “shy”.  What does that mean? According to psychologists, shyness relates to being uncomfortable in different settings, including social settings.  It is different than being an introvert, because introverts like being by themselves and do not want much social interaction.  A shy child is usually unwilling to take risks in any situation.   Studies show that “shy” children can learn skills to help them overcome the fears that they have and grow up to be well-adapted, confident people.

I would first like to say that as Christian parents, it’s important how we “label” or “brand” our children.  Remember that your child is listening to what you call him or her.  Once a parent labels a child as “shy”, that child will grow up and live up to that label.  Stop calling or labeling your child something that is contrary to the Word of God.

If you have a child who displays some timidity or bashfulness, start first with searching the Bible for stories that will encourage your child and show him/her how ordinary people overcame their fears by having faith and focusing on God.  Find scripture verses addressing fear and help your child to memorize them.  This should be a part of your daily routine.  Play games with these verses and make it fun.  Also, support your child in meeting new people and being in new situations.  What we say about and to our children should always line up with the Word of God.

Inspirational Back to School Quotes for Your Children – Build Trust

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Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

For the month of September, I have been centering my blog posts on inspirational, back to school quotes for your children.  In this last blog for the month, I would like to focus on teaching your children to trust God.

Trusting God first starts with children understanding and accepting the critical truth that He loves them unconditionally.  Unlike a parent whose love may be denied based on the child’s actions, God always loves us because He is love.  Since He loves us so very much, we know that we can trust Him in everything.

On her webpage, Rachel Wojo writes about many ways to teach trust to children.  She suggests taking your children to a planetarium, for example, to help them understand how big our God is and how His ways are greater than our ways.  She also has a list of Bible verses to read with your children to help them build trust.  She further suggests spending quality time praying with your children, and when their prayers are answered, remind them of all that God has done for them.  To learn more, visit her webpage by clicking here.

Inspirational Back to School Quotes for Your Children – Build Honesty

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Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Philippians 4:8 NLT

This is my third blog post for the month of September on back to school inspirational quotes for your children. Today, I would like to stress the importance of honesty.  Jesus said that He is the Way, the Truth and the Life.  John 14:6.  Since He is the Truth and our example, we should strive to be truthful in all that we say and do.  

Being honest all the time is not easy.  When your children are in school, there will be times that they will be asked questions.  Will they speak the truth or lie?  Help them to be bold in honesty.  In doing so, it’s important to remember that your children are watching and listening to you.  If you do not tell the truth, it will be difficult for your children to do so.  Be a role model of integrity for them. 

Inspirational Back to School Quotes for Your Children – Instill Courage

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The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

Deuteronomy 31:8

I’m continuing with back to school inspirational quotes for your children during the month of September and today’s blog post is on instilling courage.  As your children return to school, they are dealing with many different fears – fears of the unknown such as new teachers, new classmates, new activities, etc.  The Bible is filled with stories showing how ordinary people overcame their fears by keeping their focus on God.  Pick out some stories and read them to your children.

One wonderful example is Daniel in the lion’s den.  Discuss the characters in the stories and how they stood out from among the others.  Select verses focusing on courage and help your children memorize them.  Pray with your children for strength and courage during times of transition.  Talk to them about the situations that they are going through.  Help them develop a deep understanding that God is faithful and will always be with them.

For the Month of September – Inspirational Back to School Quotes for Your Children – Stress Their Uniqueness

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You alone created my inner being. You knitted me together inside my mother. I will give thanks to you because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this.

Psalm 139:13-14

    Since the month of September involves our children going back to school, I would like to give parents some inspirational, back to school quotes for their children in my blog posts for this month.  This week’s blog focuses on encouraging your children to stand out in their classrooms and among their friends.

In other words, they should strive to be the special, unique persons they were created to be, and not try to blend in with the crowd.  Build up their self-confidence.  Talk to them about their God given gifts and talents.  Speak blessings over them in the mornings and pray with them before they head out to school.  Read Bible verses that refer to how special they are.  Don’t let this be just another start of an ordinary school year, but seek to make this school year exceptionally different and special.  It’s up to parents to set the stage for their children’s success. 

Include Attending Book Festivals as Fun, Family Activities

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    There are so many book festivals throughout the year.  These festivals celebrate authors and books – for all ages – often at no entry cost whatsoever.  Many festivals are just for children’s books or have sections dedicated for children, with children’s authors and their books featured and available for sale.  A variety of fun children’s activities also are held, such as face painting, children’s crafts, musical performances and exhibitions geared for children. 

    Not only will your children learn about new books, but they will also have the opportunity to actually meet and speak with children’s authors.  Have the authors autograph their books for your children.  This will make the books more personal and special.   Some festivals have “Read to Me Corners” where authors read their books and speak about their love for reading and writing.  

    Search the internet for book festivals near you.  What a wonderful way to spend a day with your children!   They are sure never to forget their experiences. 

    Please join me on September 3 and 4, 2016 in Decatur, Georgia at the Decatur Book Festival.  I’ll be at booth #629 in the children’s area.  I’ll also be at the Miami Book Festival on November 19, 2016.  I would love to meet you and your children and autograph books.

Encourage Your Children to Sing and Praise God

But when the chief priests and the scribes saw the wonderful things that he did, and the children crying out in the temple, “Hosanna to the Son of David!” they were indignant, and they said to him, “Do you hear what these are saying?” And Jesus said to them, “Yes; have you never read, “‘Out of the mouth of infants and nursing babies you have prepared praise’?”

(Matthew 21:15-16 ESV)

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    My two sons were raised in church.  They regularly attended the Children’s Ministry throughout the year and summer programs as well.  It wasn’t babysitting, as some people may think, but involved the actual teaching of God’s Word.  Singing and praising God were an integral part of the ministry.  There were playful songs that the kids loved to sing and dance to, and there were the more powerful songs that they would sing from their heart in praise to God.  

    In Matthew 21:15-16, Jesus said that children are able to sing and praise God.   Yes, children should be singing and praising God – our Lord and Savior said so.  And, I’m certain that God loves to hear them sing!

    At the website www.jesusinjeans.com, there is an excellent, 3-part article about teaching children to praise and worship God.  The author covers all the questions you may have on this subject as well as the dos and don’ts.  Please read the full article by CLICKING HERE.

Reading Bedtime Stories with Your Older Children

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    When was the last time that you read a bedtime story with your older children?  When they were young, you took the time to read and cuddle before going to bed.  But, now that they are older and can read by themselves, you should not stop reading with them bedtime stories.

    According to Scholastic.com, there are many benefits to reading bedtime stories with your older children.  Here are a few:

1.  Your children are spending precious time with you and you with your children.   You are doing something together, which builds memories. 
2. You get to know their opinions.  When reading, ask questions.  Since they are older, they can give their opinions on subjects.  Have them think outside the box, rather than just giving rote answers.  This will give you important insight into what and how they are thinking. And, remember – no question is a dumb question.  
3. Children are learning good writing skills and sentence structure when they listen to well written books.  Then, when they are in school, they will be able to remember these skills and replicate them.  This is much different than with their younger siblings who are not at that stage of development yet.  

    Be sure to select a time that is convenient for you and your children.  Don’t rush through a book just to say that you read with them.  Plan and take the time that both you and they need to make this an enjoyable occasion.

    For more information, read the online article by CLICKING HERE.

Throw a Fun Book Swap Party for Your Children and Friends

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    Book swap parties have become popular events for children and promote reading at the same time.  They are simple to organize and fun to participate in.  And, they are a wonderful way to add new books to your children’s collection without having to pay the cost.

    If you’ve never been to a book swap party, here’s how they usually go.  Pick a date that will work for you, your children, and others.  Have your children select the books that they have already read and would like to swap with other children.  Be sure to explain to them that once the book is swapped, it no longer belongs to them but to the other child.  That way they understand that the book will have a new home. 

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    Encourage your children to write a couple of sentences on an index card or post-it note as to why they liked those books.  This will encourage other children to read the books too.

    The children who are invited should also bring their books to swap.  Plan refreshments and snacks, just as with a regular party.  During the party, the children look at all the books and swap for the ones they want.  For those books that are left over, donate them to your children’s school’s library or the public library.